Pamite
54. Refusal

Losing his spirit, at least that was what Jaka was going through. Apparently his proximity to Alif did not guarantee the little boy could immediately agree with his intention to become his father.

Jaka waited for the passenger order by staring at the cloudless blue sky. Looks bright, beautiful in the eyes even without a cloud that adorns it. Very different from her who looks withered without Ayu.

Jaka's memory returns one week ago, the day he asked for answers to his proposal for the widow.

"Sorry, I can't accept your proposal. It's not that I don't love you, or that I don't reciprocate your race, but Alif's still not ready to have a new father. Do you remember when we picked up Alif at the police station after he went missing? He said that he hated his father for remarrying, right? And marrying again was the cause he lost Dad. He thought I would leave him too. I've been trying to explain that my father and I are different, but he doesn't seem to accept that yet. I'm really sorry, Mom." Ayu feels very guilty saying this, Jaka is a good person, he likes the man too. But if his son has not given his blessing, love and anything Ayu loves to someone, Ayu can not do anything.

Jaka ventured to hold the finger of Ayu's tiny fingers. "Why should I apologize? It's just a matter of time. Don't force Alif to understand our feelings. I'm okay, all right." Jaka stroked Ayu's finger with his thumb.

"Aren't you angry or disappointed, Mom?" asked Ayu while looking closely at Jaka's face and hands in turn.

"Do I have to show it? Disappointment is certain, but believe me, I will be patient to wait until Alif understands about me in his life and also his mother. I'll try to take Alif's heart without me forcing him. But, another story is that my love claps one hand."

"Who said your love clapped one hand? Your love is avenged, my. Things that haven't supported us." Ayu's gaze turned on the lush-leaved trees. "I think I'm a really cheap impression, huh Mas. Am I too easily in love? Not a year ago widowed love again the same people."

"Emang you can regulate how you feel and your heart so as not to fall in love with people, can not. That feeling naturally arises by itself, the way we ngerem or we set according to our wishes, yes can not. What's wrong with that? Don't think strangely, you will be skinny again" Jaka continued.

"Oh so now I'm fat? I'm fat?" tanya Ayu straightened her seat.

"Eh, no. That's not what it means, you just contain, really. It just contains, buxom yes buxom," said Jaka with passion at the end of the sentence.

Jaka did not show his sadness in front of Ayu. However, after that day, Jaka's body felt no energy intake even though he ate well and a lot. Jaka's days were cloudy even though every day the scorching heat burned itself.

Relationship with Ayu and Alif is fine, even Alif still play to his home when he comes home from school. Still often accompanied Bu Lin and the twins. But Jaka felt something was different, after that day of rejection. He was close to Alif but not to his heart. He fails to make Alif believe that he and his father are different.

*

The more here the condition of Lasmi bu instead of improving, it is getting weaker. I don't know what makes a woman's body feel so hard to move. Even unable to move, Miss Lasmi deserves to be called paralyzed than a stroke.

"A.yu. A..lif," said Ms. Lasmi with distress.

"Why? I want to meet Ayu with Alif. Did you ask about their condition? They're fine, Mom. They are happy with their own lives."

"Ma.af," said Miss Lasmi again.

"Mom want to apologize to Ayu and Alif?"

Miss Lasmi nodded weakly.

There was relief and anxiety in Anang's heart as Bu Lasmi nodded his head. Relieved that his mother finally opened his heart and mind, but he also felt anxious at the same time because he was afraid that Ayu and Alif would not come here, and it would aggravate his situation.

"Mom want me to bring them here?"

Miss Lasmi nodded again.

Anang decides to leave for Ayu's house when Fadil has come to wait for his mother. With only reckless capital and bismillah, Anang is very trying to think positive.

"Well would have come here just to see Mom. I know Ayu, she can never be angry for long with someone as big as her fault. I hope this applies to Mom, too." Anang muttered softly as he walked down the hospital corridor.

Along the way was only the blank stare he showed. Behind the windshield of the taxi he was riding his mind wandered everywhere. I don't know, he felt like something was going to make him feel sad. An unpleasant feeling always arises when he thinks of his mother. I don't know what will happen, Anang can't and will never be able to even just imagine.

The heavy load is very visible from Anang's face that looks pale lately. Headaches to nosebleeds that he hid from his family seem more courageous to show that he is not okay.

"Thank you, sir." Anang gave a piece of money as soon as he got to Ayu's house.

Almost dark, that was the state of the world when Anang had just set foot in Ayu's courtyard. But for Anang, his world is dark at all times as Ayu and her children leave him. The light that has always adorned the day, his heart and world are lost along with their passing. Ah there will be no end if Anang regrets what has happened.

"Assalamu'alaikum," said Anang half-shouting.

"Waalaikumsalam, Mas Anang. Come inside!" ayu said without being able to hide her shock.

"No, Yu. I'm sitting here." Anang stared at the seat that was lying on the terrace.

"All right, please sit down. I'm in for a minute."

Not long after, Ayu came back with a cup of warm tea.

"Please drink it first."

Anang sipped the warm tea, he slightly sipped his smile after the warm tea went into his mouth. Even Ayu still remembers, tea is not too sweet Anang's favorite.

"Want to see the kids, huh? They're still playing at Bu Lin's house. I just got home from the store. I'll take them." Ayu prepared to get up from the chair, but was prevented by Anang.

"No, Yu. I don't want to meet them. It was enough for me to see Alif's hatred for me. Let me long alone, I cannot see my own son behaving like that. I'm just here to tell you." Anang paused for a moment, hesitating to speak.

"Tell me what, Mom?"

"Mother is very sick and wants to see you and Alif" Anang said hesitantly.

Ayu threw away her face for a moment, preferring to stare at the trees in her yard. Honestly, it's not that easy to forget what happened. Years of enduring pain with his words were not easy. Moreover, his last action makes Ayu almost lost Alif for good.

"Sorry, I can't. You better go home, it'll be a waste of time if you stay here and beg."

"Yu,"

"Please, don't force me."

Ayu got up from her seat and walked into the house. He even locked the door while Ananng was still there standing in front of the door.