Pamite
23. Bereft

My days are heavy. I just realized that there's no Ayu in this house making me lose my way. I often forget that there is no one in this house but me. Children's shadows often flashed through my eyes. The kids that bother me a lot, but I often ignore them. And now, I miss those who bother me.

Since Ayu left, I have not met them at all. Now they live wherever I don't know. Don't know the new address, Ayu's number I can't call.

My life just got worse when I was caught giving more money than Winda.

"How are you being so insolent, Nang? You give me money mediocre to eat everyday, you love your cheating woman more than mom? Mother has been feeding you since Ayu left. It is so good that he enjoys your treasures. Ayu who is still your legal wife is not willing mother she enjoys the results of you, uh you even love to your serial wife. There go, ask to eat with Vinda." My mother was very angry, I was so confused.

I became more and more adrift, if I gave less rations to Winda, he always showed his shoulder face. He was always sad when I was pampering him less.

To be honest, I was confused by how I felt. What exactly do I want, I do not want to lose everything, both Ayu and Winda. ayu who always receive what I give, pamper my stomach with simple dishes. While Winda who can indulge my desire as a man, never appeared blurry in front of me. If only I could have both. I'll be happy.

*

After returning home from mediation, I went to the house of Winda. I miss that nine-month-old kid. Shakila was a lucky child, even though she was born out of marriage, she never lacked anything from me. As for my other children, even I rarely play with the three children born from the womb of the woman I love.

"How, mas? Do you guys want to refer to it? Any sign that it's going that way?" tanya Winda offered me a glass of tea.

"No, I feel Ayu is already hurt by what I did. He's sorry for me, but not by coming back. To be a friend he does not want, how to refer? Well, it's natural that I accept, right?"

"Keep your plan?"

"Yes, split up. He wants it to be, I'll do it. We can get married officially."

"But I don't want to live in your house, I want to stay here. In my house. Your house is ugly, mas." Winda easily said it was like he had no heart.

"Look at it later. My status has not been split yet. I'm hungry, Win. You're sure what that cake is."

"Okay, mas. I've been taking care of kids all day, no one's helping. You buy it first, auntie comes back home. Tomorrow we return. You're not working anymore, are you? Shakila is with you, yes I want to see a friend first."

"Gosh, Win. I just got home and I'm hungry. You really want to gini, after all have children do not often come out with your friends. Some of you have a baby sitter why often permission, anyway," my protest.

During my time as Ayu's husband, I rarely babysit children. He never complained when I asked for anything. Never once did he refuse like the Winda.

But this is what I wanted first. I admire Winda because she is good at taking care of herself and taking care of herself.

"He has a need, my. Later that afternoon, return him. For a moment, if I don't get together I'm bored. Not every day, not once a month. Request money!" the door raised a hand.

"A week ago I transferred, the time is over, anyway. You don't waste your dong, Win. I didn't live your life, Fadil went to college, you know that."

"Your dependents have been reduced by one, mas. I don't give Ayu to her children. Yes, ration Ayu give to me."

"Jatah Ayu I love her son dong. The same kid Ayu my son too."

"When do you care about them? You've never been this way before, have you started to regret you split up with him?"

"Yes" he answered lazily.

*

I'm at Winda's house until four in the afternoon. There was no sign of the woman going home. I was tired of keeping Shakila crawling here and there and making a mess of every item she could reach.

Now I feel like a housewife even if it's only a few hours. Again I remembered Ayu and our three children. I remember once, I used to nag when I came home from work in a mess and there was homework that had not been completed by him.

Now I realize, that Ayu's job is not easy. I take care of one child is tired, not a day I take care of it. While Ayu, not only takes care of our house and our young child, she even takes care of all my needs from waking up to going to sleep.

Moments later, baby sitter Shakila arrives. Immediately I handed the boy over to his nanny and I went home. I want to put myself in bed.

*

As soon as I got home, I wondered why a man dressed formally came to the house. The man sat casually on the terrace while playing his phone.

"Sorry, who are you looking for?" I walk to him. "Loh, you're Rif," I'm a little surprised.

"Yes, long time no see. I've been here since, but no one. Keep telling your neighbors that usually at four o'clock you've come home, so I'll just wait."

"What do you need, huh?"

"Well, what's the need? You're late paying the installments, you know."

"Pay what installments?" many confused.

I know, Rifki is Ayu's friend who works at the pawnshop. I never pawn anything at the pawnshop, and how can I get paid in installments?

"You mortgaged a house of two hundred million rupiahs. And you're already two weeks late."

I'm more confused, I'm kekeh says that I never mortgaged the house. But the evidence that Rifki brought did show that I mortgaged the house.

"Indeed, who took all this to the pawnshop, Rif? I swear I've never uttered this home certificate"

"I don't know, it's not me who's handling this, Nang."

Shortly after, I came and asked what was going on? I told you everything, mother was no less surprised by what she heard.

"This must be your wife, who else if not her? All this time, he was always lacking and never grateful for what you love. He does not know himself. Urusin there your wife, if not taken care of can-can be a floating house. Here, there's food" said the mother ketus then left the house.

"You got a problem?" ask Rifki after mom's departure.