Pamite
53. Endless Regret

"Good morning Mother's son," said Ayu who saw Alif walking into the kitchen.

"What mom cooked?" tanyanya sat at the dining table.

"Alif's favorite, sweet spicy chicken soy sauce," said Ayu thrust side dishes and rice into the dining table.

Alif reflexively opened his mouth wide. He had not eaten soy sauce chicken for a long time. With spirit and sumringah Alif took a plate to eat.

"Emmm Mother's cooking is the most delicious," said Alif after inserting a spoon of rice.

"You can just. Oh, yes Lif. Mom wants to ask. Yesterday you realized what you were talking to Dad? Do you remember?" ask Ayu carefully. He was afraid if the question made Alif's mood worse on a morning.

"Remember. What's the matter, Mom? It does, doesn't it? He's not my old dad." Alif answered indifferently and continued to put rice in his mouth.

"At any time I'll still be Alif's dad. Anang and Alif's father will forever be father and son. Blood relation is no such thing as then and now. It will remain the same forever. You know, Alif's just pissed off by Dad, right? Son, pissed off. But not for long, sin. Can't Alif talk like that Dad, I must be sad to hear Alif's words yesterday."

"Mother is also often made sad with Dad."

"Mom's never sad now, Mom's happy. I've forgiven you, you know? Forgiving someone's mistake makes us so calm, makes our lives also much happier. Wh why? Our hearts are clean from anger and revenge. Both are bad for health, not good, cause disease."

"When I went to Dad's house, Grandma was sick. So Grandma's sick of hating us, Mom. Is there anger and resentment in Grandma's heart? That's why Grandma got sick?"

"Yes, that's why I said, holding anger, hatred, and resentment in our hearts is not good. God does not like. So, did Alif forgive me? If I see you, I promise not like yesterday?" Ayu thrust her little finger as a gesture to promise.

"Promise." Alif also hooked his little finger on his mother's finger then he continued eating.

Ayu tapped her finger on the dining table as she was thinking about something. He hesitated about telling Jaka last night's intentions to Alif. He was afraid that Alif was still traumatized by the figure of Dad.

"Mom thought of something?"

"Huh? Why are you asking that?"

"I see Mom like she's thinking about something, I've got a problem, okay?" Alif stopped eating to hear his mother tell him.

"So, Om Jaka told Mom last night that he wanted to be your father. You want?"

"Yes, honey. Alif has a father. But Mom and Dad, we don't live together. So Om Jaka has the intention to stay with us, Om Jaka so Alif's father also with Ghiani and Ghina, so Mother's son too."

"Want to marry Om Jaka? How different is Mom from Dad? You both got married again and left me like that?"

"No, Honey. How can you think like that? Where could Mom have left you? If Mom and Om Jaka get married, we'll stay here together. Getting married doesn't mean a mistake, son. Mom and Dad are no longer married, Mom and Dad are separated, so if both Dad and Mom get married again it is not a mistake. Unless Mom and Dad are still one house and Mom or Dad remarry, it's wrong. If you're older you'll understand what Mom means."

"No, I don't want you to marry anyone. I don't want Mom to leave me either. I don't want you to be like Dad." Alif was angry and ran to his room.

"Oh my God, how do I explain that to the boy?" Ayu muttered as she massaged her suddenly dizzy temple.

Ayu knew this was not an easy thing for Alif. It is too small to understand all this. Intentions want to accept Jaka's proposal, but hindered the blessing of the child. There is no way he could have married without the blessing of his son.

"Mas Jaka must have understood. Maybe it will take a long time or not for me to give understanding to Alif. It's just a misunderstanding" Ayu stood up from the seat and walked into the child's room.

*

Anang was still faithfully sitting next to his mother. Seeing the face that used to be ayu was now wrinkled, Anang loved the woman in front of him so much. Despite all the injustice and favoritism she received, the figure of the mother will never be replaced for her child.

"Mom, are you conscious? It's me, Mom. Mom, I'm sorry I made you wait so long. I was wrong to leave Mom, how could I leave Mom. No, Madam. I'm sorry." Anang held his mother's hand and kissed her several times. The crying colored Anang and his mother's first meeting after several months apart.

"A.. Anang," said Bu Lasmi. "Mother misses you, son," he added stammeringly of course. Intentions want to hug the child, but somehow his body part is very difficult for him to move.

"Don't move much, Mother. Don't say anything. I know you're gonna apologize, ma'am. We've forgotten everything. I also have the same fault as Mom, I shouldn't have left Mom when Mom needed me, when Mom needed her child, she said, I just left and I easily said I wouldn't see Mom again. It's not easy for me to have a day without Mom. I'm sorry." Once again Anang unceasingly kissed the back of the mother's hand and the top of her head. Giving a kiss of love so that the mother has the spirit to get back healthy.

Miss Lasmi's gaze moved to the stick that was leaning against the wall. Anang followed the direction of his mother's gaze and then gave her smile.

"That's mine, ma'am," said Anang as if he knew the meaning of the Mother's gaze. "I was in an accident when I got home from my mother's trial, but it's okay. I'm still healthy, though. Mother do not be sad, I will be sad if you are not healthy. You need to be healthy, I promise I'll be here often if you have the spirit to heal again."

"Sorry." That's the only thing that can come out of Lasmi's mouth.

In his heart he felt sorry for what happened to his family. What befell him and his firstborn, he realized very well that what is happening now to them is because of his sin.

Regretted? No use, repeating everything? Impossible to do, apologize? No one will come back from an apology. Lost time, gaping wounds, tears that have poured out, pain that has been etched, all will not return to the way they were just with an apology.