Pamite
43. Drowning In Regrets

"Who's the same?"

"Yes the same God. Many sins, erratic behavior, right on the side of calamity just remember sin. Pas healthy let's not remember, there are no sins."

"It would be more embarrassing if we already know many sins but do not change. Changing and asking for ability under any circumstances and to any extent is certain to be accepted with God who is important to us really. Don't think that narrow."

"So I still have a chance to get forgiveness?"

"of course. May I help you sit down for prayer?"

"I can be alone, I have to learn not to depend on others."

"In certain situations we will still need the help of others. Whatever we are."

Rahma helps Anang to sit up more firmly. He felt sorry for this patient. Coming to the hospital with a concerning condition with quite severe injuries.

"Why would the doctor help me? I'm just a dirty human being" Anang said in disgust at himself.

"Father is not the only dirty man in the world. After all, we are fellow humans should help each other, right? We can get the reward of even the smallest things.

The vibration at the table near the patient's bed made the two people who were there turn their eyes in the same direction. Rahma looked at Anang who was just staring at the phone without intending to touch.

"Get it and take this call. This guy cares about you a lot" Rahma said, handing over the phone that had been shaking since.

Anang received the phone and saw the name on the screen.

"This guy doesn't care about me. He only cares about himself."

An angry person disconnects the call. He knew what Galuh meant by calling him, so what if his mother was sick? He is not a doctor who can cure someone's pain, he is also not a shaman who can move someone's disease to others, nor is God able to eliminate people's disease. Why does this sister keep bothering him? Rutuk Anang in a heart that has been felt very upset.

"Why turned off?"

"She's useless, I told you she doesn't care about me. Why are you still asking?" Anang unconsciously spoke to Rahma.

"Why would he call if he didn't care about you? Do not you have a debt that has not been paid for his food you consider him useless." Rahma deliberately spoke like that was not intended to provoke Anang's emotions.

I don't know what makes Rahma feel very curious about Anang. The man who said he had no one and nothing always called his son's name in his sleep. How can he say he has no one when he has children himself? Is not the child a treasure that cannot be replaced by anything for his parents?

"One of the signs of a person's sincere repentance is to be patient with anything, not a little angry, because sometimes the angry people are far from God. Because they are more easily possessed by demons, demons, and also their friends."

Anang looked at Rahma for a moment, there was a streak of guilt when he realized he had snapped at the woman in front of him.

"Sorry" said Anang lirih. "If you know, I'm really alone in this world. I was left behind by the people I love" he added with a sad look.

"We do not know very well, even we met a week ago as pasein and a doctor. You can think of me as a friend if you want. You can call me Rahma." The beautiful woman walked towards the window that displayed a street that was still crowded with vehicles.

"It would sound strange if we talk about something or our very personal problems to people we just know. We have many friends, we have family, we have brothers but we feel like we have no one. Sometimes it is God's way of reminding us that all complaints are complained only to the Creator. But the name of the human sometimes needs a real shoulder just to lean off tired. Then God sends one person who could be our way to get closer to Him. Let's just say I'm that person, the one God sent for you who has no one." Rahma was still in the same place. The unrelenting street light was being run over by the noise.

"You're talking like that because you don't know me yet, if you knew my past. I'm not sure you'll talk like that." Anang looked at Rahma. While those in the face are still glaring gracefully.

"Everybody has a bad past. Sometimes it's good that someone in the present is someone who has gone through such a bad past. If you already know the bad past, why not try to change the present to make it better? The future is also beautiful.

Why is his focus on the past so obvious we can't change? We can't go back there. You regret your past, right? Why don't you try to get up and improve your future from now on?" Rahma walked and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Who am I fixing the future for?"

"Yourselves. He said you feel dirty, a lot of sins. If your words were nonsense, yes. Forget all my words and enjoy your regrets."

Rahma got up and walked towards the door. Until a voice from Anang made him stop his steps.

"Wait on! Thank you for opening my mind."

"Either. See you tomorrow, I'll go home." Rahma continued her steps after that.

After the door closed and Rahma was completely gone, Anang established himself and ventured to begin returning to the path he had long left behind.

Taking ablution by way of tayamum makes him remember Ayu again. The woman who taught him tayamum, a woman who was made an excuse for Anang to continue to worship even though he was not healthy.

'Ah why all the things and everything I do always reminds me of Ayu. That's worth it to me, Yu. You're too valuable to a stupid man like me.'

Not strong with the regret that Anang felt back, he finally drowned in a sob. The memory that he had built with Ayu for many years suddenly danced in the eye pelukan, filled the head and successfully made the chest more tight.

After feeling relieved by crying, he also performed Isya prayer. The obligation he left since meeting with Vinda, fortunately he still remembered the sequence of movements and also every reading. In his prayer Anang still sobbing, he was really embarrassed so long not to face Him, now he returned with a different situation.