Pamite
42. Insecure

I want to be something

Which you can always touch

I want you to know

That I always adore you

(Once-Dealova)

With a breeze that blows slowly, Jaka showed off his skills playing guitar. What he used to do when he was bored.

Situation puts him in a state of complete error. On one hand he wanted to keep his distance from Ayu, but on the other hand his heart refused to do that. I don't know, it feels hard to do what he wants.

You're like a song

In my heart that calls...

Jaka who continued the song was surprised by the connection of the lyrics sung by Ayu.

"Eh, Yu. How come you haven't slept?" Honestly, Jaka's heart is not okay.

"From the stall, buy this," Ayu replied showing a crackle bag. "Why are you still outside at this hour?"

"For bosen."

"Newly know that you play guitar your voice is also not bad, very bad, yes." Ayu chuckles saying that.

"Well, if my voice is good, there's no way I'm an online cab driver."

"So what is dong? A busker?" sahut ayu laughs.

Jaka was again made amazed by Ayu, with a crisp laugh only Jaka's heart was already kembis kempis made. If only if he was able to dare to ask for Ayu's life, then surely he would do. But, again Jaka made insecure by his own circumstances.

Jaka feels just a fingernail in Ayu's life. He will not be able to make Ayu happy if one day they will be together later.

Jaka stared inside the woman sitting beside him. With grace and calm he looked up at the moon-decorated and star-studded sky. The face that has returned without makeup does not even throw out his face. The occasional blowing of wind made a few strands of hair hit his face.

Jaka who was carried away raised his hand to insert Ayu's hair, but suddenly

"Life is fair, Mom. After I went through a dark time I was finally able to be happy as well, my life is calmer now. What do you want?" Ayu asked because of the position of Jaka's hand which was near her head.

"Huh? Ah no that was my hand a little cramp," elak Jaka was nervous.

"I happen to go to the shop and buy balm, try to wear it. My hands are also often cramped. Understand, every day packing order. Selling me in the store has also started a lot of lyrics, even more easily sold online." Ayu thrust a balm that was red and yellow.

"The more successful you are. Don't be so successful dong. Later who wants to make you doubt," Jaka's actual speech is the thing he feels.

"What connection?"

"Yes, if you are getting rich that you doubt. Your lifestyle seen by the naked eye is certainly luxurious. If you're a simple person, it must be insecure." Jaka seemed to give advice but actually he was confiding and wanted to know how Ayu's assessment of someone after she became a widow of a lot of money.

"Oh my goodness, my. I didn't think until there. I work hard for the future of my children, so that their lives are not like mine. If anyone wants to take me and doubt me, it's none of my business. A mistake if they are insecure because of the material I have. Those who want to take me should know that I work for my children, for their happiness."

"So you don't look at people from the material side? You don't mind the wealth of the people who approach you?"

"Hahaha, where do you think, anyway, Mas kayak is? Where ever I looked at people from the material, if indeed I was so, I should not have survived with Anang for that long, he said, I've been looking for a richer man and left him when our son was one, but he wasn't, was he? I still survive with him. I don't think of a couple anymore, anyway, Mom. Still focusing on the kids."

"Are you traumatized by marriage?"

"God knows you're strong, that's why you're in this position. I have a lot to learn from you, anyway."

"Learn what? You haven't moved on from the twins' mother? It's just a matter of time, everything will pass with time that also keeps changing."

"Sok knows, don't learn to be a shaman, so just do it," said Jaka chuckled.

Feeling that it was enough night, Ayu said goodbye to go home.

"Where are you going? I dare to go home alone do not need to be escorted," said Ayu who saw Jaka follow in his footsteps.

"You want the gate key, really hope I deliver? Yes, come on!"

Ayu only grinned withstanding shame, in her heart she cursed herself. How could he believe that Jaka was driving him home.

"Seriously want to take me home? My house, it's close, Mas."

"Nothing, the streets are deserted. We can't guarantee that every step is safe or not."

Walking together in a quiet atmosphere like this made Ayu nervous. For some reason his heart suddenly rumbled violently.

'The basis of a cheap heart, this way doang deg-deg an.' Ayu wrote in his heart

So nervous Ayu ta saw there was a stone big enough plastered on the side of the road, I don't know who put it, which obviously made Ayu almost fell forward. Fortunately Jaka swiftly caught Ayu's hand until the woman did not smell the asphalt.

They looked at each other in silence for a moment.

"Slow down the road, try it earlier if I did not deliver, would have been lying on your asphalt. Is anyone sick?"

"No, there is no. Kesandung. Then put a stone on the side of the road, '" said Ayu.

"Yes, he's in there! Careful the way."

Ayu nodded clumsily then stepped quickly into the house. The same thing was done by Jaka. Along the way the man was unceasingly staring at the hand he had used to capture Ayu.

*

It's been a week since Anang just lay in a hospital bed. The accident that happened to him really made Anang aware of his sin. The great sin of his former wife's son.

It is very desirable for the heart to hold a prayer rug and sit in front of the Creator, but will the sin he created be forgiven just like that? Does asking for His forgiveness what he lost come back? Can happiness return to his grip on the rest of his life that is still one foot left? Even to step up, he had to ask for help. His life is completely useless.

"Good night, Father, last visit to this day. Pseudo..."

"When can I go home, Doc?" cut Anang fast.

"Do you feel much better?"

"I'm bored here."

"The condition of the Father is not stable, if you are bored, you can take a walk to the hospital park. There are many flowers and plants that make the eyes much fresher."

"Doctors forget I only have one leg?"

"She forgot that every hospital has a wheelchair. You can ask our nurse for help to take you to the park. Do not because the body part of the Father is taken by the owner, so you feel like a useless person. Don't feel like life is going to end here. Life is long, at least you still have time for penance."

"My sins are many and too great, I am ashamed."