IT'S ME YOU HURT
Early destruction

Strange, not usually Mas Angga's phone he let on the nightstand like this. Mas Angga always carries his cell phone wherever he goes even though he goes to the bathroom.

Honestly, I have never been suspicious of Angga. There are so many more important things I should think about and do than think negatively about my husband.

Drrrrttt. incoming WA call. I saw the name 'Rayhan' on the phone screen.

I called Mas Angga who was taking a bath.

"Mas... There's phone".

"What Na?" Mas Angga replied not hearing what I said. Maybe it's a storm with the sound of a water tap.

I saw that his phone was no longer shaking. I decided to tell him after he finished his bath.

When you want to stand up from the bed, suddenly there is a message WA in. Again from a contact named 'Rayhan', I reached for his phone that was on the bedside nightstand.

The first message was just [Mas].

I just saw it, no need to open the mobile phone mas Angga because the notification appeared. I started to get curious, and opened Mas Angga's phone. A contact named Rayhan was typing a message. [I have to how?]. Next message [I'm pregnant!]

Deggh!

Like lightning striking. My chest is instantly congested.

But I try to master myself, and think positively.

'Ah maybe just a friend who joked with mas Angga. His name is Rayhan'. My mind, trying to calm itself.

I ventured to reply to wa's message from this contact called Rayhan, [I mean?] My reply typed with a trembling hand, and instantly sent out a reply.

[Yes mas Angga. Our son!]

[What should I say to my parents?]

[What about my school?]

Degh!!

My brain is trying to digest the meaning of this conversation. Lost are the positive thoughts that I tried to wake up since. Heart hurts.

'Who is this contact named Rayhan? She's pregnant with Mas Angga's son? Still a schoolboy too? Arrgghh' my inner raging.

Mas Angga came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. It was 170cm tall, with a proportionate weight and muscles that were like torn bread.

I was immediately stunned by it. It was inappropriate for an Angga mas to be with a wife like me who had a dull face with fat covering some parts of my body.

I am very much insecure of my own husband. We rarely have husband and wife relationships.

I didn't even dare to start first. We did it when Mas Angga really wanted it.

Not really wanting me in the real sense, but like just as a means to channel his manly desires.

After that our relationship became cold again. There is no romantic conversation, let alone a kiss or a friendly hug. I don't know when our relationship was like this.

Is it because I'm no longer attractive.

Yes, ever since I was pregnant and giving birth, I have neglected to take care of myself..

All the work in this house of in-laws I did. From sweeping, mopping, cooking, washing, ironing to caring for Grandma Mas Angga I do it myself. Plus while taking care of the child, and of course taking care of all the needs of my husband.

For a moment I forgot the core of the problem that was happening right now. Yaaa just for a moment because Mas Angga arrived out of the bathroom and was surprised to see I was holding his cellphone at this time.

"Reyna... Why are you holding my phone?!!"

Mas Angga said, awakening me from this daydream.

"Ma... Mas" I answered brick.

"Reyna, who gave you permission to hold my phone" Angga looked at me furiously, while grabbing the phone in my hand.

"I, permission Mas? L'm... I.." Can't say a word anymore.

Strange, it should be in this situation that I should get angry and interrogate him about this incoming wa message.

"So you've started checking my phone?! You've started to be a paranoid wife you don't know!." mas Angga said in a pressing voice.

I haven't finished talking, but Angga has cornered me. Scared I replied "there's a message coming in from Rayhan" I replied slowly.

Mas Angga immediately looked at his phone, without answering me. Quickly mas Angga immediately took the change of clothes I had prepared, and put on clothes in the bathroom.

"Mas, who's Rayhan?" I said slowly, trying my hardest to stay calm in order to control myself.

"Jawab Mas... Why would he send such a message?"

Mas Angga came out of the bathroom. He looked at me with annoyance. "You don't have to interfere in my business!"

"Did you say mas?.. Don't you need to interfere?... You're my husband!" I answered while pulling up Mas Angga's sleeves, as Mas Angga rushed to leave.

"You cheated on me?!" I said with a high voice.

Plaakk!

Mas Angga slap landed on my left cheek.

"Deflect your voice! You can humiliate my family in front of me!"

"What did you say? At this time you still have time to think about the response of the neighbors?! You don't think about my feelings?"

During my time as Mas Angga's wife, I devoted my entire life to her.

When I gave birth I decided to quit my job at the Financing company. I'm relinquishing my career for the sake of my family. Taking care of her husband and family, taking care of Mas Angga's senile grandmother and caring for my son Ziva became my daily job. I never complained even though the body was tired. Not to mention the harsh treatment I often received from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, they often demeaned me because now I no longer work as if to be a pest to my husband, plus a dull face and body shape that is enlarged and not as beautiful as the girl used to be.

All this time I have ignored the actions of my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, because I think this is my devotion to the husband I love. I think all the families must have their own problems and trials, and this is what my family's problems are.

It is my hope that one day we will have our own house, in which there is only my husband and children. I thought, I just need to be patient.

I never told Mas Angga everything, because every time he came home from work he looked tired. I don't want to add to the burden of Mas Angga's mind. I never complained or complained about anything.

'Stupid' might be the right word to describe myself. I can't stand it anymore, my tears are falling. Not only because of the pain in the cheek due to the slap of Mas Angga, but the pain in this heart because of the attitude and deeds of Mas Angga.

Regardless of me he went straight out somewhere.

"Mas... Mas Angga, wait!" I screamed trying to stop him and asked for an explanation of all this.

Without looking again, Mas Angga immediately went with his car, somewhere. Leaving me with a feeling of sadness mixed with confusion without any explanation.