IT'S ME YOU HURT
A burden to my parents

Mom suddenly came and hugged me from the side. I was so surprised, I didn't know what to say. Fortunately Ziva had already gone walking towards father to the stall in front of the house.

Father was serving an item canvaser who was visiting the stall to check some of their goods that will be added to the stock because it was sold out.

It just so happened that Gina was not home because today she went to college. No one's helping dad at the stall. So only the father himself serves the buyer while completing the business with the canvaser, because it must answer questions about sales and stock goods.

Fortunately, my father was not with us when Angga and his mother came earlier. Just by the presence of the mother alone, it can make us win a landslide against the sharp words of the mother-in-law. Especially if coupled with the presence of the father. I can't imagine what's going to happen. Maybe they will go home not just with pale faces like that, but with a flood of tears. Yes, father rarely spoke, but once he spoke his words immediately pierced like a knife that stuck directly in the heart.

I'm very surprised at what you're doing right now. We were silent for a long time. We then broke down the embrace. I saw the eyes of the mother who began to tear, eyes that radiated sincere affection for her child.

Ah, my mother must have hurt her heart. It should be at my age now, I can already give my parents comfort and pride of family. But right now I'm embarrassing them with my household problems, even becoming a burden to them in old age.

"I'm sorry ma'am." My tears can no longer be contained.

"Why apologize, son. You are innocent."

Mother wiped my tears while holding my hand and patted my back slowly, trying to calm me down.

"In life, we cannot choose what problems will befall us. Each of us is tested with a different test. It's okay to fall now, as long as you don't fall again in the same hole, and don't lose hope. I see now you're stronger than when you first came home, son."

"Be a strong woman to Ziva also to yourself. Ask the Almighty for guidance, that you may be given wisdom to deal with all things wisely. God must have helped his servant who always cried out and wished for Him!"

"Being a good person is important, but it is better to be a righteous person! You hear that phrase a lot, right?! Right in thinking and right in acting. For in truth you will find good for others and for yourself."

"Mothers always teach children to be good, but do not let kindness make you stupid and sad. Be wise in dealing with everything right. I don't want to hear you insulted anymore, son. Be strong!"

I was like a schoolboy who just silently listened to the instructions of BP teachers, without a voice or rebuttal. I just smiled at my mom, trying to be strong. I nodded enthusiastically, tried to toughen up and did not want to shed any more tears.

"Yes, mom. Pray for Reyna."

"Of course, son. Your name I always say in every mother's prayer."

"Thank you ma'am."

"The road is still long, as long as the Lord pleases us to be in this world, do not lose hope."

*****

It has been a few days since the arrival of Mas Angga and Mother-in-law.

One day when Ziva was talking about Angga mas I was pensive with a sad face. Ziva hugged me and said 'mama don't be sad'. Children who are not even 3 years old already understand the condition of their mother. Ah my son, I feel sorry for Ziva.

Fortunately, at this time, I have started learning to recite Mas Angga. I don't want to get late with my feelings. If asked if this heart still hurts given its betrayal, the answer is of course still hurt. But it wasn't as painful as before. I began to make peace with myself. Be sincere and accept myself and my circumstances. The wounds he had inflicted, would either disappear or would only fade away. I don't know, let time answer.

I've never been to a divorce trial or mediation. I think my absence will speed up our divorce proceedings.

And now that the divorce verdict is out, we're legally not husband and wife anymore. I don't want to cry anymore. I will try to be optimistic for my future and my son's.

​

This afternoon when I wanted to leave the room finished folding my clothes and Ziva, I was surprised to hear the talk of father and mother in the living room. I was silent when I heard my name being called.

"Sstt, don't be so loud, you'll hear Reyna." I heard my father was trying to shrink my mother's voice.

"But how else Well. We can't let your sick brother go without any treatment at all."

"But he also had a child right ma'am, it's wrong they didn't pay Mas Roby's dues for a year. Now that their father is sick, they must pay it off immediately so that their father's bpjs can be active again and can be used."

Uncle Roby is my father's brother. Yesterday we got a call from my dad's family that Uncle Roby had a heart attack. There is a narrowing of the blood vessels in his heart and a ring installation operation must be performed immediately.

All I know is that at this time all hospital fees until surgery and free medicines are borne by BPJS. But from the talk of father and mother, it seems like the independent contribution of uncle and aunt has been in arrears for a year. It must be repaid first in order to be active and reused.

Then what does that have to do with me. Why are you trying to shrink my mother's voice so I don't listen?

"There's no way we can give them such a big loan! Good thing the stalls were nothing, just enough for Regina's tuition and eating us every day. I don't want to take your savings that I saved you so hard. Anyway Reyna needs our help more Mom, Ziva formula milk is not cheap. They need us more than Roby. Let his son take care of it."

"It's okay Dad. You will only give 2 million of your savings to lend to them. The rest they can do on their own. Even if the money is not replaced, it is okay. Let's just say we are alms, even though our situation is also mediocre. At least we've contributed to your brother's recovery."

"But for Reyna... What about Ziva milk? What if the stall profit is not enough to finance our daily needs, Mom?!"

My God, my heart aches when I hear their talk. I really am a burden to my parents! What should I do God?

"Mom will try to make snacks from the garden, and sell them to increase our income. Some mothers still have a little savings to take care of. It doesn't end everything."

"Well, ma'am, I'll call Mas Roby's son to give you the money. Hopefully they can work on the rest so that Mas Roby can be quick in surgery."