IT'S ME YOU HURT
Registering an online project

Some people have contacted me about the viral news spread on social media. Someone from the lip picture account sent me a WA message. I don't know where they can have my number. Nowadays it is getting more and more sophisticated, nothing is impossible.

I don't want to respond and give any confirmation to the news. So I decided to ignore the message. I also realized that I made a mistake by being provoked by Raya's words, thus making this news crisp to be gossiped about. My neighbors even have some who come to the stalls not for shopping, but to inquire about myself.

I realized, in this digital era, everything can be recorded. My son may not always be small, one day he will grow up and maybe he will see this digital footprint. I don't want the news to heat up and expand until it creates a prolonged conflict. I'm also not the kind of person who likes to publish my family's problems to others.

Mas Angga is Ziva's father. And Ziva would be sad if he saw anything bad about his mom or dad.

When my son was asleep, I looked around the job vacancies from the internet. There seems to be no vacancy suitable for me. Terms of the company, maximum age 28 years, and now I'm 29 years old. No longer included in the application qualification.

I saw there was a job vacancy for a sales position, indeed the educational qualification for high school graduation. But I don't mind working as a salesman as long as I can make some good money to meet my and Ziva's needs. I'm ashamed to always bother my parents whose lives are also mediocre.

But after I saw, the lowest qualification written looks interesting. Yes Tuhaaan.... Why everything in this world should be measured by an attractive appearance. My husband even cheated on me and didn't love me anymore because of my unattractive appearance. Is there no place in the world for ugly, fat people like me? I can do a good job! Why is there no chance for me to start?

God, what should I do. All roads look deadlocked. All the doors feel closed to me. Is it so hard for me to rise from this slump?.. Tonight, I bow before the Creator in prayer. I shed all the tightness that was in my chest in prayer and tears.

Finished praying somehow I remembered a female online motorcycle driver who drove me home from Mas Angga's house the other day. I remember the story and struggle of his life raising and sending his children without a husband.

In life no one is perfect, there are still many lives out there that are more difficult and sad than me. I am grateful that I have a family, especially parents who support me.

'Ah, why don't I try to register as an online ojek driver.' I remember the message of Ms. Siti that there is no contemptible work, as long as it is halal and done sincerely inshaallah will bring blessings.

I'll try to register in the online taxi application. For certain applications Registration is not too difficult, only through the application. The requirements are also easy, not looking at age and appearance. Fortunately I have a SIM C for the motorbike that was handled by Angga 4 years ago, along with SIM A for the car. And it is still valid today, because the SIM period is up to 5 years.

Turn yourself into an ojek onlie. Alhamdulilah, succeeded. I could register easily without the frills of age qualification and attractive appearance.

Astagfirullah haladzim, why am I like this. The motor belongs to my father. I have to ask my father's permission to use that bike. Dad also needed the motorbike to shop for stalls and other affairs every day.

I'm massaging my forehead. I don't even have my own bike to start this job. When I was confused, my mother suddenly came into my room.

"Reyna, what are you doing, son?"

"Eh, my mother is just looking for job vacancies from the internet."

"It's mom's getting Ziva formula milk."

I handed Ziva a plastic bag containing a formula milk can.

"Ah, mom. Don't bother buying it. I still have a little money to buy Ziva's milk. Last week Mas Angga transferred a little money to Ziva's needs."

When divorced I did not ask for gono gini treasure, or demand anything. Mas Angga himself said that he would give money every month for Ziva's needs of three million. But in fact, only one million were sent. Let it be, I don't expect anything from my ex-husband either.

"It's okay. This just take it. You can save that money for other needs. So, how did you apply for a job? Smoothly?" I was silent, not knowing what to answer to my mother.

"Ehm.."

"Ehm why? I looked confused by my expression.

"It's hard to find a job now, Mom. Especially now that I am no longer young. I look like this too." I pointed at my body with my eyes.

Mom just took a long breath. He seems to understand my troubles. Mom smiled and patted me gently on the shoulder.

"Ehhm Ma'am, can I borrow Dad's bike to work?"

"You got a job, son? What work?"

"I want to register as an online motorcycle driver. Registration's easy. No need for an attractive appearance! While waiting for the call from the company I put in the proposal." I'm not saying I've registered, but I want to register, so that I don't take offense because I've been ahead before asking for permission.

"But would you allow me to borrow the bike?" I doubt.

"But can you, son? Fieldwork is very heavy." Mom looks worried.

I thought I was going to discuss my education that was not in line with the job I was going to do.

"Yes mom. I ready. I will try to do my job well later. But what about daddy mom? What if you need a motorbike for something?"

"Mom will try to talk to Dad. If you can, if you're going to the market, you can drop me off early in the morning before you go to work."

"Yes mom, I can!" I eagerly answered. But not necessarily my father allowed it.

"Stay in the spirit, son! Life is a struggle. We have to keep trying, even though sometimes God tests us by giving a lot of trials. Don't despair! I'll always be on your side."

Oh, my mom was always great. I am so grateful, at a time like this I have the support of people I need so much.

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I can't imagine that in this situation my mother pressured me, demanded something or even judged me. I'm really gonna lose grip.