IT'S ME YOU HURT
A new heart

'I'm pregnant? My God, even all this time I was not aware that I was pregnant with the son of a man who is currently my ex-husband! I was too late with my feelings for Angga and my household problems, so I did not realize that I had not come for four months. Is this the meaning of my dream when I met Ziva? Ziva gave me his beloved doll so I could give it to his sister?' Reyna thought about the meaning of her dream of meeting Ziva who gave her beloved doll to Reyna.

'Lord...I want to live! I want to be healthy, give birth and raise my child well! I want to live a good life with my unborn child and my family, just like I promised my late son Ziva!' Reyna has a new spirit to live her life again with the presence of a child in her womb.

After examining Reyna, writing down a vitamin recipe and giving some advice for Reyna's health and content, sister Ela then decided to go home. But before returning home Reyna asks sister Ela to keep a secret about her pregnancy for now to anyone. Reyna did not want to burden her parents with the neighbor's talk, which she could not control one by one. For her for now Reyna just wants to enjoy the peace and quiet with the child in her womb and with the family she loves and loves.

After sister Ela leaves, all the family members approach Reyna. Dad took a small chair by the bed and directed his chair and sat next to Reyna, Mom sat on the bed at Reyna's feet, while Reva and Gina stood by the wall behind him. They're talking about Reyna's pregnancy.

At first, Reyna's mother, father and two sisters were shocked by the news of her pregnancy. Not without reason this news initially became bad news for the family. Because Reyna is currently a widow, her family is afraid Reyna will be more depressed because of her unmarried pregnancy, and the family is also afraid of the neighbor's talk that will later help Reyna more. But after Reyna gives an explanation and convinces her family that this news is happy news that gives Reyna new hope and becomes a new beginning to live a better life, finally all family members can understand and accept this news as happy news.

"Dad, Mom, Reva, Gina! I will give birth and raise this child! Don't be afraid this child will burden me, in fact this child will be a new hope for me for a bright tomorrow!" Reyna said steadily, reassuring her family.

"Are you going to tell Angga your pregnancy?" Dad looked at Reyna and asked carefully.

"No dad. I won't tell Angga my pregnancy. But now Angga is married and his wife is also pregnant. I didn't expect anything from him!" Reyna answered firmly.

"But is Reyna ready with all the risks?" Gina also asked carefully.

"Yes Gin, brother is ready! We need not be ashamed! This kid is not a bastard! He was present, when brother and mas Angga are still legal as husband and wife! It was just that big brother was unaware of his presence earlier. But in the future this child does not have a father! Let him be just my son! Brother no longer wants to deal and have any relationship with Angga mas and his family! Brother will no longer be a weak woman that can be used and oppressed by others! Brother will raise him himself lovingly and protect this child with his entire life!" Reyna was so confident in her decision that she no longer wanted to be a weak and hesitant woman in making her life choices.

Ziva's death was a valuable lesson for Reyna not to hesitate and be firm in making decisions. Reyna is determined to truly be a strong woman, to keep the precious things in her life.

"When I was in High School, my friend's mother also gave birth when she was no longer with her husband. The difference is my friend's father died, and his mother only found out that she was pregnant when her father died. At first my friend Chrisela was also very stressed to know her mother was pregnant. In the midst of mourning the loss of his father, he was afraid that the boy would add to his family's burden. He was also afraid of the neighbors talking to his mother and family. But after the child was born, my friend and his family were very happy. Their neighbors thought it was natural, and did not make it gossip." Reva's trying to strengthen Reyna.

"You must be strong and passionate, son, for the sake of the child in your womb!"

"Yes ma'am, I'm sorry Reyna has disappointed my mom and dad." Reyna knows her actions just now have disappointed her family especially her father and mother. Reyna was truly sorry and grateful to God for still bestowing her life.

*****

The next day Reyna made a pilgrimage to the grave of her son Ziva. Reyna brought flowers and Elsa doll that had been bought Reyna at the market after the health center to check the contents. Arriving at Ziva's tomb, Reyna saw a fresh flower located in front of Ziva's pusara. There's someone who's come to this place ahead of Reyna. 'Maybe Mas Angga came here! Who else would have come here if not for Angga.' Inner Reyna.

For a moment Reyna fell silent, looking at her deepest heart, thinking of the man she once loved with all her heart. The man who had incised such a deep wound in Reyna's life. Not only did she break Reyna's heart with her affair, but she also neglected to look after their child, so Reyna had to lose a precious child. So painful!

But last night as Reyna gathered and prayed to the Creator, Reyna promised to release the pardon to the father of the child in her womb. It's not easy! Reyna's chest was very sick and tight against the upheaval in her heart, between continuing to hate and wait for the time to avenge her heartache, or to forgive her bitter past! The devil does not remain silent, of course he wants to destroy Reyna's faith and persuade Reyna to stay alive in spite and bitterness! But Reyna finally realized, storing bitterness will not be useful, even gradually all of it will kill his soul and body!

Reyna realized vengeance was God's right! Reyna surrendered to the khalik, sincerely accepting his destiny. After all, if Reyna holds a grudge and avenges her heartache on Angga, it will not change the past and will not make her son Ziva come back to life. Now Reyna just wants to live happily without being overshadowed by the bitterness and grudges of the past. Reyna's promise to her son Ziva is a reminder to her, to live this life well.

With sincerity of it Reyna began to feel a calm and peace in her heart. The feeling of pain even the love that was so difficult to forget about her ex-husband was gone. The great and miraculous power of prayer, even able to restore Reyna's broken heart. Reyna is reborn with a new heart.