IT'S ME YOU HURT
Relationship with Ziva

"Why can't mom come?" Tanya Ziva, who managed to make me run out of words.

"Hmmm..."

"If mama same Ziva does not bobo here, then aunt Gina, aunt Reva, oma and opa sad. So Ziva aja yah that there bobo same papa, mama here. Yesterday he said Ziva kangen sama papa." Gina replied while rubbing Veren's head. Ck, what kind of reason is that.

"It's just one night, right, brother?" Gina said while looking at me.

"Mas Angga said it's only been two days, hopefully just one night. I'll pick up Ziva on the second night."

"Why don't mama, aunt Gina, aunt Leva, oma and opa go with Ziva bobo in her house papa?"

You are confused as to what to answer... Ziva so innocently asked, I was getting dizzy not knowing what to answer.

"If everyone comes along, who's guarding the stall?" Gina still has not finished her words against Ziva.

"Kan walungnya closed if you want bobo aunt..."

I was stunned to hear Ziva's ever-present words - there was only an answer. I shut my mouth and held back the laughter. It seems like Gina is starting to get overwhelmed against Ziva.

I finally chuckled in response to Ziva's funny answer, but Ziva's remarks were true as well. Ah, my smart and funny boy, next month Ziva is three years old, but he's fluent and very smart. It's just that Ziva can't pronounce R yet. Naturally children the age of Ziva can not pronounce the letter R. Its growth and development includes both of its age.

"If everyone comes along, the house will be empty dear dong. What if a thief comes to get our stuff? no one guards this house. Later tomorrow morning Papa pick up Ziva here. Ziva happy?"

I tried to mediate the conversation between Gina and Ziva, by speaking as slowly as possible so that Ziva could understand.

"But ma...."Just now Ziva was about to answer my words, but Gina immediately cut off his words.

"Well, Ziva try to show me this video to Mama!" Gina's voice diverted the conversation. It's smart for Gina to switch the conversation with Ziva who doesn't know when this ends.

"What video is Gin?" I asked Gina.

"Let's show my mommy this tik t*k Ziva video." Gina said to Ziva.

Ziva immediately stood up and took the phone in Gina's grasp and handed it to me.

"Mama, look at this."

I saw my son push the play button on Gina's phone. Batita-batita era now is great huh. He is not even three years old but his style of holding a mobile phone like an adult.

Ziva showed me the video.... Very humorous... I did not expect my son could freely dance to the song on tik t*k. It's not just one move, but there's some movement in some videos. I was amazed to see the video. Ah, my son is so funny. I hugged Ziva, smirking his whole face. Ziva to the teeth because of me.

"Udah mom. Ziva is amused."sigh Ziva while pushing my face slowly.

I don't know why tonight I'm not hungry, but my brain and mind worked so hard, maybe the incident could make the stomach full. I just drank some warm water and went back with Ziva and Gina. Tonight we spent playing tik t*k together, taking photos and videos and uploading them to my Instagram and facebook accounts which I rarely use. Usually I just open my social media account to see other people's posts or breaking news without uploading any photos or status.

I don't understand why I feel bad right now, there is an uneasy feeling that I have a hard time expressing in words. Maybe because it's the first time I'm going to part with Ziva over twenty-four hours.

As Ziva slept unceasingly I stroked his face to kiss his hands and head. Ah, my dear son has started to grow up and smart more and more beautiful days. I really enjoyed our time together tonight.

"Tomorrow Mama won't sleep with Ziva. It feels like mom has missed Ziva so much, even though Ziva hasn't left yet." I said as I continued to kiss the back of my son's hand.

Why am I being so brave like this. Only two days Ziva with Angga. I don't have to worry, after all Mas Angga is Ziva's real father and also loves Ziva very much. I can't be selfish! Those words that I always repeat in my head, so that I can calm down.

After being content to kiss my son, I prepared the clothes and items that Ziva would use at Mas Angga's house. I stuffed Ziva's clothes, milk, and one little doll into the bag. After that I lay down again beside Ziva, hugging him until I fell asleep.

*****

I wake up at 5 am to make breakfast, especially breakfast for Ziva. Because this morning around seven, he said that Angga would pick up Ziva. I prepared fried rice, fried fish, fried eggs and sambal terasi as breakfast menu this morning. After cooking I took a shower, because I finished delivering Ziva I also had to work.

After the shower I woke Ziva. Kuciumi all over her face, so that she is distracted from her beautiful bobo. Ziva then turned his body to the side, away from my face.

"Ziva, wake up son. I'm gonna pick up Ziva in a minute. Said Ziva wants to see papa."

Ziva started rubbing and opened his eyes. He got up and sat on the bed. I hugged her and drove her to the bathroom in the back.

Finished my son's bath is fragrant and beautiful. I put a pink dress under my knees with pretty matching shoes and socks, my hair braided around his head and I put on a little pony ribbon, it looks really funny. Fortunately Ziva's hair was very thick, making it easier for me to tie it to various models every day. We sat down at the dinner table, and I put the fried rice and eggs on Ziva's plate.

"Ziva wants to eat alone or mama's bribe?"

"Ziva eats sandili aja, ma!"

"Ah pinternya mama's son is already big. But eat carefully yes not to spill on the shirt. Then the shirt is dirty, Ziva wants to see papa."

"Yes my mom." I rubbed my son's head gently.

Ziva ate, I smiled seeing he was smart using a spoon. Ziva spooned his food well without any hassles and spilled his food onto the floor. Only a few grains of food fell on the floor.

I called Gina and Mom for breakfast together. Dad's going to the market, and Reva's out of the house at six. So it was just the four of us at the dinner table.

At seven o'clock past fifteen I heard the sound of a car coming into the yard.

"Assalamu'alaikum wr."

"Wa'alaikumusalam wr. Go in the mas."

I saw Raya then get out of the car. Why would Angga bring that woman here, piss me off. I still remember what happened at the gas station a few days ago. The face of Raya also looks no less sour following the Angga mas from behind. I'm getting heavier releasing Ziva with Mas Angga and Raya.

Mas Angga went inside the house, but Raya just stood outside. He seemed reluctant to enter. His eyes surrounded this house with a dislike and condescending look. Maybe he's a rich man, not used to enter the house of poor people like us. 'Anyone who likes him to come to my house, nobody invites him. Poor yes young and rich but can be husband of people.' I said in my heart. Astagfirullahaladzim! Reyna. Why am I like this.