Surviving As The Villainess
109 - Start From Time Loop (Allen's POV)

I don't know when I felt like I was forgetting something. When I try to remember it, my head will hurt a lot.

I think it happened when I was 11 years old, a terrible dream came to me.

It was raining heavily on Canada. I could not fall asleep because of the thunderous sound of lightning.

The dream I saw, it looks like a flashback to someone's life.

So sad and full of regrets. At that moment I realized, a bad choice would definitely wreak havoc.

I remember the first time I came to the Ravenray residence. I was a 4-year-old boy who knew nothing and as far as I could remember I only had a mother.

I don't know who my father is and why he doesn't live with us. There was a question that stuck in my head at the time, "Didn't you want me?"

But all that changed in an instant. I was taken to a mansion like a palace and met a figure called father.

And that's when I met him, Altzion Ravenray. The figure that is called as the big brother.

The pleasure that seemed like an illusion began to crack, revealing just how terrifying the people around me were. My heart became dark filled with hatred. It's so black and disgusting.

"Allen I really like you!"

The girl followed me everywhere I went. We met at the school, at the most prestigious elementary school in the city of Elishien.

I don't know how many times he said such nonsense, I don't remember it. To be sure, he had always said it since then.

Yeah, when I saved him from a thug who tried to kidnap him.

From then on, he followed her.

I don't understand, if he did something like this, wouldn't it just make him look ugly in the eyes of others.

With my status unclear and considered as the disgrace of the Ravenray family, I should ignore it. That way, the reputation of the child would not be tarnished.

But I was wrong. I never thought that kid was so persistent. No matter what his reputation was like in people's eyes, no matter how hard he fell, the boy always said the same thing.

With her eyes filled with light she said that.

For a few years, I tried to avoid it. For me who has experienced unpleasant things in the past, it would be very difficult to believe it.

'What if he's lying?'

'There may be a sincere alley with an oang like me.'

'He must have had other intentions.'

Such thoughts always filled my head. No matter how much I receive her kindness and love, I cannot make myself believe her.

Maybe it's a kind of self-defense that will activate automatically when I feel in danger. The self-protection that kept me locked up in a ball without a door, made me drown in darkness.

As if indifferent to the darkness that was all around me, the boy reached out his hand to me. He is like a light that comes suddenly and always illuminates every path I go through.

At the age of 12, we began to be bound by a promise.

I didn't reject him because it was his wish. Maybe in this way, I could hold the light a little longer until he got bored and left on his own.

But I was wrong. She kept holding my hand and was always by my side. Never once did he leave me.

I remember once I attended a party. There I became a laughing stock and a mockery. I was embarrassed and angry but I couldn't show my feelings in front of them all.

Then she came, her small hand clasping my hand so warmly and confidently she said, "She is my fiance, someone I will marry and will stand beside me. I didn't I let you guys humiliate him."

The world seemed to stop for a moment and from when, my eyes were always on him. Even so, I can't say it. I had to bury this feeling because from the beginning my only goal was revenge.

When the change happened in his family, I thought that he would feel sad but I was wrong. He is someone who has a soft heart and is very different from me.

At the age of seventeen, I got an interesting offer. An impossible offer I could get easily.

Like a demon whispering a lure to mankind, the woman took out her hand. Asking me to accept his offer and cooperate with him.

"My goal is only one, which is to get the main throne. That way, I'll help you get everything."

I know it's not a lie. She was a cunning woman, she could do anything for the sake of her ambition.

And it seemed, he was aiming for a throne that was impossible for him to get. At first glance, that woman is the same as me. His unstable position, was completely similar to mine.

It felt like I was possessed by something, I accepted the offer and made me unable to change the future that would happen.

For the first time, I saw her crying and screaming like she was losing her mind.

His white face flushed red, his eyes swelled up and his voice started hoarse. She looked at me with eyes full of sadness, her two eyes that were as luminous now disappeared and I knew that I was the cause of it all.

When the throne disappeared from his hands, he disappeared.

I started to get so busy with my own plans that I didn't have time to think about it.

A few years later, I managed to get what I wanted. I stood at the top and got everything.

A party to celebrate my success was held. Everyone came and tried to curry favor and approach me.

The cunning woman had now managed to obtain that throne, the throne that should have belonged to her.

At the end of the show, a beautiful woman with a striking red gun comes along. Her lips were polished with her namesake color, making her white skin even more prominent.

The memories of the past started to come back in my head but he was different from what I remembered.

She became more and more beautiful, the butterfly that used to always follow her now turned into a red rose that had bloomed well.

My heart stopped for a moment. Reminds me of her warm smile. The love she had towards me was blinding as well as very calming.

But now that everything's changed, the person she hugged wasn't me.

"Old not meet."

No matter how much time passed, his smile remained the same as his recollection.

The sadness that was once on his face was like it never was and I could not answer a greeting from him. My mouth won't open and I can't do it.

Everything happened so quickly, gunshots filled the entire party room, chandelier lights fell on the floor, making it break into pieces. The room was filled with darkness, people started to panic and ran to and fro.

I who could not adjust to the suddenly changing circumstances tried to calm down.

At last I felt someone embrace me, his hands around my neck and his body pushing me down. I reflexively hugged him.

When the emergency lights came on, the entire room turned red. A very surprising sight, even for me.

And when I woke up, the woman who had been holding me was lying weakly on the floor. He seemed to lose consciousness little by little.

A dagger stuck in her body, piercing through the red dress she was wearing.

It was then that my world that began to awaken bit by bit collapsed again.

The only woman who was sincere with me, left this world.

I can't even say goodbye. All this time I was just focusing on my goals, forgetting about other important things. Forgetting the light that was always with me.

By itself, I fell deeper into the darkness.

"Wake up, Liyuna..."

It was the end of my first life. It was a sad ending and makes me very sorry.

Why am I so focused on revenge? Why am I so focused on taking down Zion?

I began to realize that there was nothing left in my life. All the people who once protected him are gone. I was too blinded by hatred and in the end I lost everything.

After that incident I tried to survive but guilt always gnawed at my heart.

Every day I visit his grave and wish that all that happens is a dream. But nothing has changed. Liyuna's death is a sure and irreversible thing.

A few years later when I couldn't hold it all back, I decided to end my life at Liyuna's final resting place.

"I'm so sorry about it. I wish I could repeat everything."

It was my last wish before death came to pick me up.

When I opened my eyes, I was in a familiar room. It made me realize that I was repeating my life.

TB

[A/N: Is anyone confused by this chapter? This easy flashback when Allen was 12 years old where he got a dream that made him cry (there in one of the saru chapter). Well, the content of the dream is what has been told above]