The Fading Love
Sorry aya

a bowl of samyang already presented in front of me, the smoke billowing down on my face, I just looked at the noodles, whether I went where the hunger that I had felt, I just looked, everything was gone, alternating with tightness in the chest, my hands trembled slightly as the chopsticks I was holding tried to stir the samyang.

I flinched when suddenly Someone was already hugging me from behind, drowning his face in my neck and then whispering hoarsely.

"pardon me, Inayah, I can't help my emotions when I see you coming, I get angry when you leave without telling me" I close my eyes tightly, I said, a puddle of tears came out through my slit. The chopsticks I held even broke, just think of it like my heart was broken by him, broken into pieces without rest, without rest, he threw it without wanting to settle down again.

"Yes, I'm sorry Aya, I'm sorry zi" I flinch, I breathe in the air and I exhale violently, I let go of her embrace, I don't say anything, I go up to pick up a spoon and fork, I take a spoon and a fork, I didn't even look at him or just glanced at him.

"Yes.." he called me in a very soft voice, I sat back down and very hard tried to chew my noodles, Zidan hugged me again, but the man just kept quiet, I don't know what's inside his head after all his crazy wrath a few hours ago.

"i don't mean rich that, Aya. I'm emotional, you don't have news for a week, I'm afraid you're gone" the more he talks, the more tight it feels, the more choked my throat becomes, I could not say a word. The noodles in the bowl I could not spend, I stood up without putting away his hand that was wrapped around my waist, he felt me move and take off his hand.I washed the bowl as quickly as possible, I wanted to rest immediately and would probably talk about this later, after my heart was ready.

I walked away leaving him who kept calling my name.

"Dad" this time Zidan blocked my wrist, I tried to get rid of his hand, but whatever power, my strength was comparable to his.

"i'm tired, you must be tired too, right? go to sleep, I don't want to talk about this first" once I managed to get my hand off the cloak, I opened the door to Aska's room.

"why sleep there, sleep in our room Aya, I miss" I don't care, I want to rest in peace tonight, without any talk of the great quarrel, a fight that not only hurt me, but my son as well.

The door to my room was closed, though Zidan was able to hold back.

"please, sleep in Aya's room" I put her hands away and immediately closed the door, she held back, I heard Zidan moaning in frustration out there.

As the door closed, I slumped behind the door, my legs folded in front of my chest, my hands smothering my mouth so that my excruciating crying sounds would not disturb Aska.

"o Allah, sick" I said so softly, I took a breath that stuck in the esophagus. I calmed down before joining Aska on the bed.

feeling much better, I tried to stand with my hands on the wall of the Aska room, I walked straight to her bed.

Aska's blanket with Doraemon's picture is quite big, I can use it too, I wipe my son's forehead and kiss him. Recalling again when Zidan firmly lifted Aska and threw Aska on the sofa, even Zidan kicked Aska who made my child scream in fear, which mother did not hurt when her child was hurt, he said, with his own papa.

For nine months, I carried her wherever I went, loved her until the age of two, never once did I raise my voice in front of Aska, but Zidan with his bravery hurt my son, what he meant by what he said at that time, he doubted my son, doubted his own flesh and blood, what his harsh attitude had been not because Zidan wanted to make Aska independent, he said, but Zidan doesn't love Aska.

"honey, you were born out of love, Aska is present out of love, even if your papah doubts his love, does not diminish the slightest bit of love mamah to you son, mamah dear Aska forever"

I was still trying to get some sleep, I was hoping that what happened was just my nightmare, but in fact it really happened, Zidan's hand first landed smoothly on my cheek, for the first time Zidan vented his anger with his hands and even his feet, insulting me so low, even in the presence of our son Aska.

The knock of the door was quite rough a bit makes me jerk, as well as Aska, but Aska immediately went to sleep again after clapping her buttocks.

"Dad!!" the door was getting louder, Aska was also starting to pierce, I immediately opened the door, when I was right in front of Zidan, my hand was immediately pulled into his embrace, his embrace was so tight, Zidan muttered the word 'sorry' repeatedly, I did not return her embrace, my hands clenched tightly.

"pardon me, sorry"

"at one o'clock in the evening Zi, why haven't you slept, tomorrow you have to work" Zidan loosened his arms, our eyes clashed, his palms cupped my face, his thumb pointed and rubbed the corners of my lips, and his eyes were open, I grimaced as Zidan pressed him down.

"akkh, Zi's pain" his face was clear, my hands in his hands, I was led into the room, how surprised I was to see the room that was like a broken ship, a mess, the clothes in the closet scattered everywhere, my belongings and hers on the table scattered everywhere, the curtains of the window cover all off, all, which made me even more surprised when I saw my dresser mirror break.

"Zidan!" I reached for his hand, the back of Zidan's hand was filled with small shafts that stuck, blood from the back of his hand began to dry up.

"What's wrong with you Zidan, you hurt yourself "Zidan shook his head with a sad look, filled with guilt.

"this hand" Zidan looked at his hand, then looked at me.

"this hand has hurt you, Aya. This hand that has made your lips hurt, this hand deserves to hurt too" I shook my head, I held tightly to the right hand of Zidan who was injured because of his stupidity.

"don't Zi, don't get rich, I don't want to see you hurt again, Zidan" my tears that trickled down immediately Zidan wiped it with his thumb.

"don't cry anymore, forgive me, sorry" I couldn't help but cry, I approached and hugged her, Zidan leaned his chin over my head, kissing her many times while muttering an apology.

"sorry"

"excuse me, forgive me Aya" I nodded without hesitation, my Zidan back shirt clutching firmly, as if I was channeling his pain there.

"i--- I'm afraid you're gone, I'm afraid you're gone, I can't hear you, baby, that worry turns to anger, I'm sorry"

"i've forgiven you Zi, there's nothing to regret, everything has happened, I don't want to see you hurt again, I love you, I love Aska, I love Aska, I don't want you guys to get hurt" Zidan tightened his arms. Although vague, I could hear my husband crying, he was so sorry for what he did.

"i promise I won't be gini again, I promise" I can only nod in Zidan's arms.

It seems like something needs to be sorted out in both of our problems, something's wrong here, why Zidan always says that if I don't tell, I've clearly asked his permission, my message was already read Zidan, I think zidan ignored my message because of his busyness, but why the message seemed to never reach Zidan's hands.

I will ask tomorrow when the condition of the three of us has been much better, now Zidan and I need to calm down first, also tidying up the chaos of the room that has been like a broken ship.

hey Ges wanted to vent, actually I was going to delete this story permanently and stop writing on this application temporarily, because my mood was lost after seeing how the new rules Novel Toon. where the rules are very burdensome for me as a low-class writer, but after I think it again, I did not delete it because this writing has been contracted, he said, and I am responsible for finishing my writing.

so I beg of you to love your vote and support in my story If you like it and wait for its continuation, that is my only hope as a little writer.