The Lives of Five Hundred Thousand
Perplexities

With eyes that still felt very sticky, the faint faint of my ears caught the sound of Adzan reverberating. As usual I always wake up after hearing the sound of the Adhan even though the eyes are still in a sleepy state, because waking up at dawn has become my habit since childhood.

I tried to blink my eyes and when it was open fifty percent I felt my stomach was crushed by a heavy object that made me have a little trouble breathing. When I turned my gaze toward the stomach, a heavy hand was resting on my flat stomach and instantly my pupils were perfectly enlarged.

I tilted my face and I found Raihan's face slouching beside me."Why is Raihan in my room?" my question is in my heart.

I narrowed my eyes trying to remember what happened last night and within seconds I had remembered that last night Raihan fell asleep in my room after coming home from the mall and was difficult to wake up.

"But why is my position in the middle and in the arms of Raihan?and last night I slept on the edge of the bed? ett...for a while, did he do anything like me while I was sleeping?" my bathin.

I immediately flicked the blanket and noticed my appearance and it turned out that my clothes were still intact even my hijab was still stuck to my head, I heaved a sigh of relief.

I lyrics back Raihan's face that is still languishing and I admit even though in a state of sleep he still looks handsome. With a smile on my lips looking at him, I felt like looking at his face in a state of sleep because I thought that if he was conscious he would tease me.

"Maybe this is how it feels if we are dating and marrying Rai, when I wake up the first face I see is your face, my husband's face" I said in my heart.

Slowly I turned Raihan's hand over my stomach but my actions caused him to pierce his embrace. I tried to divert her back but the hand was hard to get rid of. Because it was hard, I pinched the heavy arm

"Aww, fuck." Raihan complained, it's okay for him to wake up also to perform worship, I thought.

"Why not just kiss me anyway mba woke up I admit?"asked Raihan in the middle of his eyes closed.

"It's five Rai, don't be kidding, I have to get up immediately" I said quietly because I was afraid my voice would disturb Zain's sleep.

"Kiss first" Raihan said spoiledly.

"Ray.."

"Kiss baby, please!" whining with eyes still closed. And inevitably, I followed his wishes.

"Cup"a brief kiss landed on his cheek. Raihan immediately opened his eyes and smiled widely but he did not immediately release his hand but still continued to tease.

"His lips are not dear yet" Raihan said.

"No way," refused me.

"Well, if you don't want to, I won't let go of my hand, just leave it like this until noon, "he threatened.

"We are not yet a halal couple Rai, I do not want us to be khilaf and..."

"Think of it far anyway, even though it happens consciously or not, for sure I will not be separated from the responsibility dear. Precisely it can be a binder so that no other man glances mba and enough just me a."

"Rai's sin, let go of his hand quickly if I don't want to escape, I'll bite your hand."

Raihan smiled widely then let go of his hand without saying much more. After he let go of his hand I hurried up to clean my body first before worshiping.

"Mba, we pray together!" take Raihan, when I was in the doorway about to go to the bathroom and I immediately nodded.

While waiting for Raihan to finish bathing I put on a mukena and held two prayer mats in my room because in the TV room there were children who were asleep so I intended to pray in the room only.

Raihan appeared from behind the door, he looked fresh due to his wet hair. In addition, his appearance that only wears a towel limited to the waist to show the stomach of the box makes me ashamed to see it myself. After that, he put on a cocoa shirt and a sarong in front of me without any embarrassment and awkwardness. I shake my head at seeing it.

"What time do you want to go home, Rai?"ask me after we finish the service.

"Mba throw me out?"Raihan asked back.

"Don't drive out, but don't you have to work?"

"I'm the boss of mba, free to go to work or not."

"It's the boss."After saying that I opened the face I used and folded it.

Raihan laughed crisply.

Raihan went back to sleep next to Zain and I left him to get better in the kitchen. While I was washing the dishes two hands were coiled around my stomach. I know the owner of that hand, whose hand it is if not Raihan's.

"Please off Rai's hand, it's not good to be seen by children."

"Children are still bobo mba."

"Ray.."

"Let me hug mba like this before I go back to Jakarta."

"He'em, why mba?don't you want me to go back to Jakarta?"

"No," I lied, because it's deep in my heart, I don't want to be far from it."

"really?"

"Ray.."

"The Iddah period is over, right? and at that time we will marry and live together until we age."

I closed my eyes, the simple words of Raihan were beautiful once heard in my ear. Marrying our loved ones lives together until we age. But is Raihan really my real soul mate? again and again I doubt.

"I make tea with toast first yes Rai, so that your stomach is not too empty let alone want to travel at dawn so as not to catch a cold."

"My future wife is very understanding." After saying that, he peeked at my cheek and then removed his hand from my waist and left. I looked at his back with a feeling of being out of nowhere and after that I immediately made toast and hot tea for him.

As I was about to approach her in the living room with a tray of tea and toast, I heard Raihan talking to someone on the phone, stopped my steps and stood behind the wall.

"Sorry Ra, I can't seem to."

"At home of friends and important people."

"Why the hell are you being so selfish, I said I couldn't. You can go with your friend Ra. Anyway I have to work today, there's an important meeting."

"As far as you are, obviously I can't."

Silent

Looks like Raihan turned off the phone.

Shortly thereafter, Raihan muttered.

"I'm sorry I ever gave her hope, now I'm dizzy myself. A spoiled woman who always wants to follow her will"

I know Raihan is arguing with his girlfriend. I feel so guilty because it is present in the middle of them so that their relationship becomes tenuous regardless of Raihan loving his lover or not. Then what should I do? on one side I love him but on the other side I have a heart that hurts. Not yet a wife of a Raihan alone I already feel guilty, what if later I have become his wife maybe for life I will be overwhelmed with guilt on his lover.

I inhaled and then exhaled. After that I approached Raihan, he turned his head and smiled at me and put his phone on the table. I smiled at him as if I didn't know what.

After putting the tray I was carrying on the table, I sat down with him.

"Beloved," said Raihan.

I nodded flat.

After saying that, he drank the tea and ate the toast in silence like something was being thought of. I just pay attention to it myself. After the tea and bread were gone without the rest of Raihan saying goodbye. But before he came home he entered my room first and I followed behind him.

Raihan kissed Zain who was still fast asleep."Uncle went home first yes, tipped mama to uncle ok champan,"he said then glanced at me who was watching him.

After Raihan was satisfied kissing Zain, he walked out to the entrance and I followed behind him.

"I work first mba!"pamit Raihan before opening the door.

I nodded without speaking.

Raihan was about to land his lips on my forehead, but I turned my face first so he paused his intention.

"Why mba?"ask her in wonder.

"It's okay, go home and have a heart on the road" I said without seeing his face.

"But why? is there a mistake I made?"

I smiled blandly."No Rai, come home for the afternoon."

Raihan obeyed my orders and he walked towards his car lethargic. Before entering his car, he took the time to turn to me who was standing at the doorpost and noticed.

"I love you mba."

I didn't reply but just gave a thin smile to her and immediately entered and closed the door. I peeked from behind the curtains Raihan had not entered his car but stood still and his gaze fixed on the door of my house. Maybe he was surprised at my attitude that suddenly changed and I myself was confused why my attitude like this to him. I love her but I'm afraid my love for Raihan hurts her lover even though Raihan often says that he doesn't love her.