The Lives of Five Hundred Thousand
The Bu haji interrogation

I was still silently staring at the place where I was standing. However, as I was swept away by my own mind, the hajj ma'am greeted me first."Busy drying Nur crackers?" while giving a thin smile to me.

The greeting of the woman who had given birth to Raihan made me flabbergasted then stepped slowly closer to him with my face slightly bowed right then greeted him back," Haji ma'am, a what..have been here for a long time?"I was nervous to meet him face to face.

"Lumayan," he answered briefly.

"Why did Bu Haji not call me directly so that mom would not wait too long for me?"

"Because you're busy and I don't want to bother you."

"I'm not too busy, Mom!" argue me. Actually I was busy drying so that the crackers immediately sunbaked and dried but I was not happy to let the old man linger long while waiting for me especially while standing.

"Oh so, um, Nuri.actually my arrival here wants to talk to you do you have time?"

"Bo..could Bu Haji let's get into my house first Ma'am!" I led Mrs Haji to enter my house through the porch and then I opened the door for her. After that, he entered my house and then circulated his gaze to every corner.

"Your house is deserted Nur, where is your mother?" ask with the view still out.

"My mother is in Cirebon Bu Haji." Actually, I hesitate to say that my mother is in Cirebon, because I don't know for sure. At that time he ran away from home because he was charged with debt by loan sharks. Whether because he was afraid of me or afraid of the loan shark, he left without my knowledge until now has not returned. Even though I was annoyed at him I was still worried. Therefore, I was looking to find out where he was. From mouth to mouth I finally know the existence of mother although not yet know for sure because I myself have not checked it directly.

"Oh..!"

"Please sit down Mom, I'll make tea for a minute." I was about to move on but Mrs Haji held my arm and said, "don't bother Nur, I just want to talk to you," then removed her hand from my arm.

I nodded and allowed him to sit down first. The hajj ma according then sat down on the living room sofa. We sat facing each other and were still silent with each other's minds. I myself waited for the Hajj Ma who spoke first because he himself wanted to talk to me.

"Lady..!" call Bu Haji in a soft voice and suddenly break the silence between us.

I looked up and said, "Yes hajji ma'am."

"I came here to talk about Raihan's problem" he said. My guess is right that the arrival of Bu Haji to my house will definitely talk about Raihan's problem. I kept quiet and listened first.

"Last night....Raihan's gone from home," she continued. My forehead shriveled and my mind began to ask if Raihan had left the house?wh why? but my mouth chose to shut up and didn't want to ask Mrs Haji what made Raihan leave her house.

"I know, it's been three days...Raihan came here, right?" ask Bu haji later. I'm a little surprised to get that question. Didn't Raihan say that his mother never knew every time she visited my house? but his mother actually knew. Inevitably I have to answer honestly because I myself do not want to lie to parents.

With the calmest attitude I could answer, "right ma'am, Raihan has been here for three days and helped my efforts. Actually it was not just one or two times that I forbade him to come but Raihan still came and helped me."

"oh, so? thank you for answering it honestly. I think you will deny it" said Mrs Haji and smiled faintly.

I just lowered my gaze as I re-mas my knucklebook, a habit if in to anxious or nervous situations.

"You know Nur, I have often forbidden him to meet you but Raihan is still stubborn and met you in silence."

I looked up, looked seriously at Bu Haji then asked, "what should I do to keep Raihan away from me?"

The hajj ma'am shook her head and said, "no Nur, here is my troubled son because he himself is approaching you. I think his feelings are the same you've faded with time. But it turns out he still loves and expects you. You know, how frustrated she was when she found out you were married until she was about to commit suicide if I didn't check her in the room right away?"

While bowing my face, my tears were dripping. How much love did Raihan love me so much that he would commit suicide just because I got married? if only you had expressed your feelings to me, maybe the story wouldn't be like this Rai.

"Please answer honestly Nur..!" Haji ma'am looked seriously at me and I looked up at my face with tears continuously flowing down my cheek.

"Do you love Raihan?"continued. Highlight his old eyes staring into my watery eyes as if seeking honesty for my feelings through my eyes. Similarly, I look at the face that already has many wrinkles in each line of his face. From the look on his face I could feel the sadness, disappointment and worry of a mother to her child.

My tongue feels too bad to say a word. However, my heart wanted to say the honesty of how I felt about her son all this time. However, my common sense still makes it logical that I have a husband and it would be unethical to reveal my heart to a mother who has given birth to him with great difficulty. Besides, I was also afraid that my honesty would hurt her feelings.

The look on Bu Haji's face changed from serious to calm. Maybe he was relieved that I had said that I did not love his son.

"I'm sorry Nur, I never hated you. Maybe I was wrong because I couldn't educate Raihan so well that he had been harassing and teasing married women. If only you were not a woman who had a husband, if your status was a single woman.maybe I did not forbid Raihan to approach you and even marry you Nur. As a mother, I just want to see her son's life happy with the woman of her choice and in her beloved. However, Raihan is wrong, because he has loved and chosen a woman who already has a husband. I don't want Raihan to fall into a grave error and sin. Therefore, I strictly forbid him to approach you and that is actually my reason why I forbid you guys close."

I wiped my tears with my arm. What Ms. Haji said was true that my closeness and Raihan was a mistake despite our status of just being friends but Raihan treated me more than just friends. I think that Haji ma'am doesn't like me because of my social status. I'm the only poor woman close to Raihan a perfect young man. But it turns out that is not the reason but my status that already has a husband.

While looking at her and in a raucous voice, I said, "I'm sorry Mom, I...!"

Haji's mother shook her head." It's not your fault, you don't have to apologize. But Raihan himself can't accept the fact that you're a woman who already has a husband." Hajj ma'am interrupted before I continued my words.

"Therefore, I betrothed him to Amir's son so that he could forget you Nuri," he continued, his statement made my Saliva feel stuck in the throat. I feel like my heart doesn't accept that Haji ma'am would match Raihan with Risa. But what can I do? I'm not who.

"I hope you support Raihan to get engaged to Risa, Nuri. I'm sure Raihan must have heard and obeyed what you said to him" he said. The words of Mrs Haji almost made my heartbeat stop. Am I willing to support Raihan getting engaged to Risa? I lowered my face back. Holding back the eyes that had begun to condense I nodded and said, "inshaallah Bu hajj."

There was a sound of Bu Haji sighing in relief and then smiling."thank you Nur." I nodded and smiled with the smile I forced.

Haji ma'am came back to his house after there was no more discussion that should be discussed by us. I stared at his departure feeling out of nowhere and it was hard for me to say a word until he disappeared from my sight.

In my heart I asked Raihan where did he go? why did he leave his house? because, Mrs Haji himself did not tell me why Raihan left his house and I did not ask that.

"Mama, Zen wants a grandchild's minyum!" suddenly Zain appeared following me who was still pensive on the porch of the house. His request broke my daydream and I remembered that Zain's milk had run out. My busy life producing crackers and the addition of the arrival of Hajj to my house makes me forget the basic needs of my son.

Crouching down and feeling guilty I said, "Son, sorry mommy, I forgot that Zain's milk is gone. What if we buy first in the market Zain want not?"

"You mama" Zain replied with a grim smile that made me anxious to see her. I kissed her face with anxiety and my actions made her nervous and laughed loosely. I am grateful to have a child like Zain in my life because he was my solace when I was sad.

As usual, I always walk if I want to go to the minimarket because I do not have any vehicle. While ojek in my village is very rare because almost all villagers have a private vehicle. Therefore, the services of motorcycle taxi drivers are very rarely in the interest.

When I got to the middle of the road, my legs sprained because I walked a little fast. I had to stop my steps and sit on the side of the road.

"For a while, son, Zain got down first mama's leg sprained." Then I took Zain down and took a small massage next to the sprained leg. Luckily only a small sprained so enough with the massage alone has returned to normal.

"So boy, mommy's cradling again." Stretching both my hands. But before Zain got me a silver Avanza stopped right next to me. Still in a crouching position I turned my head towards the stopped car. A few seconds later, the windshield opened and a middle-aged man wearing a white skullcap smiled at me. I bowed my back a little as a gesture of respect to the prominent figure in the village.

"Where's the deck? why walk?" asked the middle-aged man kindly.

"I want to go to minimarket pak ustad."

"Well, what a coincidence that the deck, I also want to go to the minimarket. How about I just go with my car over there?" bring me.

"Thank you, Mr. Ustad, but I'm sorry I can't go with Mr. Ustad's car." Not without reason I refused to be invited by Ustad Amir even though his intention was only to help me. He was a prominent person in my village, an ustad who often filled the event of mother's studies. I don't want any slander, let alone her husband Bu Rida, a woman who is often humble and slandering me. I don't want to deal with him, it's enough to deal with Raihan alone.

"Are you not afraid of bad people? the streets here are deserted, what else are you a woman."

My eyes were rolling around and the road looked lonely because the road I was passing was an alternative road not a public road through many vehicles. I myself chose this path for the reason to quickly get to my destination.

What Amir had said made me a little afraid. What if some bad guy comes to my head while the streets are deserted? I don't want to take any chances let alone bring Zain. I don't want to think anymore I agree to the invitation of Ustad Amir. When I was about to open the door of the middle car, Ustad Amir forbade me and told me to sit in front. With doubt I followed his orders.

I did not talk much about Amir but about Amir himself who asked a lot about my life.

"I did not expect her daughter Bu Retno was as big and beautiful as this and even had a handsome child anyway." Ustad Amir praised me but I did not respond to him but only smiled faintly. Along the way many things he told me even the unimportant things he told me so that it made me feel bored to hear them. In addition, several times I caught him looking at me through the tail of his eyes.