Love For Him
The Past of Rendi

Rendi looked at Doctor Bianca with a sad look. “I'm also afraid of kak," said Rendi lirih.

"Do you know what I've been feeling all this time?" asked Rendi with a sad face.

"Every night, when I'm going to sleep, I worry. All sorts of questions popped into my mind, am I still able to wake up tomorrow? Can I still meet my loved ones? Will my family and Amel be able to live well after I'm gone? Will they be saddened by my departure?" That's why Rendi has trouble sleeping at night. Various bad thoughts were thrown into his mind.

"I'm afraid they're sick at the thought of my departure. You know for yourself how I was doing after the accident. I just want to enjoy the rest of my life. I can't bet lives, if the success rate of my operation is so small that my operation will fail later.”

The thing that Rendi fears the most is if the operation fails and he can't banfun anymore. He does not want to leave the people he loves without saying goodbye first.

Rendi always felt uneasy and scared when thinking about the worst possible thing that would happen to her. He could not just leave his family, even more so now there was Amel in his life.

She was afraid that Amel would be sad if he wasn't around. He had even thought of his future plans for him and Amel, before he knew his illness was getting worse, but it seemed that things were not on his side. He had to accept airily the bitter reality that was approaching him.

“But you can't be pessimistic just yet. Are you just gonna give up? We should try to get to America. There are many great doctors with sophisticated equipment that can support your treatment,” said doctor Bianca with teary eyes.

Rendi averted her eyes when she saw Bianca's doctor trying to hold back her tears.

“Didn't my brother say that brain surgery is a big, high-risk operation. Moreover, the brain injury I experienced was a severe brain injury. I'm not sure I'll survive this time. Please understand me brother, give me time to prepare everything."

Rendi wanted to do something first before surgery just in case, if later she could not get up again. He wanted to prepare everything so that he could leave quietly.

Biacana pulls up the chair and sits right next to Rendi. He then held Rendi's hand. “We can try another method Ren. You have to trust me and Jhon. We will try to save you,” persuade Bianca with tears that have come out of her eyelids.

Rendi still turned her gaze to the side. He could not look at the doctor Bianca who had shed her tears.

“Even if I'm willing to have surgery, I don't want you and Jhon to take care of me. I don't want to make you feel guilty if anything happens to me. I don't want you guys to feel the guilt I've felt all this time.”

Doctor Bianca wiped away the tears on her beautiful face, then tightly grasped Rendi's hand. Doctor Bianca could see a deep sense of guilt and regret in the look in Rendi's eyes.

“I've told Ren many times, it's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself. How long will you live in his shadow? You have to forget about Ren, so Friskila can settle down there. You're as good as torturing your own life, if you keep remembering it.”

Doctor Bianca thought all this time, Rendi had forgotten about her mass, because she saw Rendi looked fine all along. Apparently the assumption is wrong.

Rendi closed her eyes for a while, then opened them. Bianca's doctor could see that Rendi's gaze was like keeping a very deep wound, which was not easy to treat.

“I've tried to forget him brother, but can't. Aki also tormented brother.."

Friskila's shadow when they had an accident always appeared as Rendi stared at Friska's face. That's why Rendi can't look at Friska's face for long because it will remind me of Friskila.

Rendi always tried to avoid Friska so that she could forget it, but Friska actually increasingly aggressively approached Rendi. Even Rendi repeatedly deliberately hurt Frsika by being indifferent and not caring for her to keep Friska away, but instead Rendi's heart grew sick when she saw Friska hurt.

Rendi was also depressed, if she had to behave like that to Friska, but all she did was for the good of both of them. Rendi does not want if Friska feels pain, when Rendi is not on her side later.”

Doctor Bianca and doctor Jhon could feel a depressed feeling from Rendi's tone of speech. “You shouldn't be acting like that to him Ren, he's hurt too. You should also understand his feelings. Behind her stubbornness, she's just Ren's fragile girl" doctor Bianca says quietly.

Rendi looked at Bianca's sad face. “I've been nice to her before, brother, but she misinterpreted my attitude towards her. He couldn't take me off my sister. I've even done various ways to give him understanding, but he seems to not want to accept the truth, if I can not be with him,” said Rendi desperate.

Doctor Bianca nodded. “He is stubborn. It's hard to give him any sense" I'm Bianca's doctor. "Did it never occur to you to give him a chance to fix everything?” doctor Bianca looked at Rendi who looked down and rubbed her face rough.

Rendi nodded her face back then looked at Doctor Bianca with a faint look. “I can't sister. I loved Amel. I can't hurt him either. When I was with Amel, I could slowly forget Friskila kak.”

Doctor Bianca let out a long breath. “I wish you could forget it, but not by hurting Ellen Ren's feelings. Even if you and Ellen can't be together, at least you can't hate each other. You cannot torture yourself. I realize it's not easy for you. Maybe I'll be like that too, if I'm in your position. Now all you have to do is focus on your recovery.”

“I also want to forget her sister. My head will hurt immediately, if I accidentally remember Kila. Every time Ellen brings it up, I can't control myself. I'll be emotional right away. He often reminds me of that. He's always trying to tell Amel my past, to keep Amel away from me."

“He did that because he loves you so much Ren. He doesn't want to lose you. He just doesn't accept it because you prefer someone else to be compared to him. He was desperately fighting to melt your heart. You know, from a young age, she liked you" Bianca explained.

"He was even willing to give up on Friskila. He took away his selfishness so that you could be together. She ignored her feelings for you because you two are the people she cares about the most. Ellen also injured Ren, as she brought up the accident that took her own brother's life. He also feels very lost just like you. You yourself know since the accident, his attitude began to change.”

”I was also distressed, after the accident that claimed Kila's life. I even thought about not living anymore. I'm depressed sis," said Rendi with a frustrated face.

Bianca of course knows, how Rendi went through the difficult times Rendi swtehad the accident happened. He is afraid that experiencing PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) or post-traumatic stress disorder is a mental health condition triggered by a traumatic event, both by experiencing it and witnessing it.

Most people who experience a traumatic event will face difficulties in living it, but with time and good self-care, the difficulty will be reduced. If the traumatic experience remains haunting until it makes someone difficult to live life, then the person has PTSD.

Rendi almost went crazy because of the incident that took Friskila's life. He even wanted to end my life at that time. He could not forget Friskila's last look at him.

With a face covered in blood Friskila was still trying to smile and tightly grip Rendi's hand. With a short breath and snickering Friskila said that he loved Rendi very much and wanted Rendi to live well later.

Rendi who was then also severely injured could not do anything at that time. He could only lie weakly beside her. During this time Rendi always took drugs, so that she could live a normal life like everyone else. Until one day Rendi met with Amel. Slowly everything changed. Rendi felt a new spirit.

He always felt comfortable, if he was around him. It was as if she had a new life. Even Rendi no longer needed those medicines. He always felt happy when he was near Amel. The days he spent with Amel were more colorful making him happy. Therefore, Rendi could not release Amel.

Rendi did not want to lose for the second time. She loved him so much, Amel. Prayer could not imagine what his life would be like if Amel had really abandoned it.

Doctor Bianca lowered her head for a moment. He sighed heavily, then looked at Rendi again. “I know Ren. I can't blame you two either. After all, you here are only victims of circumstances you do not want. The actions of Ellen who dragged Amel into your problems are also unjustified because Amel knows nothing. I'll talk to Ellen not to bring up the matter again" said Bianca's doctor gently.

"Did Ellen tell Amel everything?” ask doctor Bianca with a curious face.

Rendi shook her head as doctor Bianca looked at her with a probing gaze. “But.”

Doctor Bianca's eyebrows are wrinkled. “Are you going to tell Amel everything?”

Rendi seemed silent for a moment. “I'm afraid she'll leave me, if she knows everything sister. What if Amel can't accept the real reality?”

Seriate...