Rajasa
Confused

Arriving at the Jakarta City. Roy takes Edelweis for a walk to the beach.

“You can scream as much as possible. If you want.” Legally.

Edelweis vented all his anger, sadness and disappointment.

“Aaagghhhh..” His cry resembled longlongan. Take out all his sadness.

Satisfied to get all his emotions out. They walked to Jakarta City. Ordering food and drinks.

“Why should I maintain this hell-like household?” Edelweis.

“For Malika and the baby you bear. Don't follow your emotions.”

“Divorce does not make me and Rajasa shirk the responsibility of parenthood.”

“Most divorces will have an impact on the child. It will not be the same for everyone. Your children need you together to care for, care for and love them. In this case I agree with Rajasa. Don't selfish. As long as Rajasa still carries out his obligations and responsibilities well. Don't tapered the problem.”

“He betrayed me. My heart hurts so much.”

“I know. No one is not hurt to be betrayed. But you already have a baby and a household. Do not destroy everything just because of ego and emotions. As soon as you get married. The focus should not be on the two of you anymore but your children and your household. Make things as comfortable as possible so you can be a whole and happy family.”

“Easy for you to talk.”

“Who said? I was almost desperate for Angela. If only, you knew how impossible it would be for our relationship to last much less. Like upholding wet thread. But often things are not always the same and can change. And when everything changed. Then things change. We are happy with our children to this day. You and Rajasa can get through this. I'm sure it is. Be strong!”

The food and drinks they ordered came one by one. A warm white rice billows. Shrimp saos padang. Oyster sauce crab. Butter fried squid. A grilled carp with sambal and lalapan. Two young coconut shells.

“You better eat first how?”

Edelweis nodded his head. After draining his negative emotions. His stomach is hungry.

“You know? I'm like just taking a very long and winding trip.” Sahut Edelweis while scooping white rice from the basket to his dinner plate.

“Yeah! I-i know. It must have been very torturous and exhausting. Especially if you're a woman. Dominated emotions and feelings. It is very difficult for you to survive when your emotions and feelings are chaotic balau.”

Edelweis scooped the shrimp and tore the grilled meat of the gurame fish that was in front of him. Chocolate it with sambal placed in a separate container.

“I'm glad you can understand how I feel. Tolerating Rajasa's actions is a very difficult thing for me. I want to run away from him.”

Roy poured rice on his plate. Fill it with squid, shrimp and fish. His sambal container was emptied and moved all into his plate.

“You should think about Malika and the baby in your womb. They need a warm family and can protect them. Whatever your problems are. Do not follow the ego that will have an impact on your own children.”

“You know my logic says that what you say is true but my emotions and feelings are very difficult to accept. The clash between reason and feeling. Makes me very tired.”

“Maybe that's called the test of life. It often forces running something that may be contrary to what we want but it brings a lot of good to those around us and maybe ourselves.”

Edelweiss' tears came back down both sides of his cheeks.

“I don't want to live this all. Wish I could choose and decide according to my impulse.”

“Does your impulse give any assurance that once you follow your emotions and feelings things are fine? Maybe you feel calm and comfort. Free from everything. But what about Malika and the fetus in your womb?”

Edelweis's tears came back more and more down both sides of his cheeks. Edelweis grabbed the tissue provided at the table. Using with his left hand to wipe away his tears and suck his snot.

“I still can't believe, Rajasa could do that to me!” Angry Sahut. His emotions went back up.

“Maybe he didn't mean to hurt you. But he also has his own limits and needs.”

“You don't have to defend your jerk sohib. Somehow, I feel your friendship intimidates and cornered me.”

“It’s so hard and almost impossible!” Frustrated Edelweis.

“Human didn’t born to be perfect. They are born to be process and learning from their whole life process. That’s the fact. There is no one can avoid the process and put a side their imperfectness. Sometimes, the perfection itself is the imperfect also. There is consequences for everything. Everything always have their bright and bad side.”

“I don’t get it. Please be real.”

“I take an example. A child given perfect intelligence. Being genius. Can do everything well. But his perfection in that regard caused him to be unable to blend in with most people. Is my example understandable? Whereas humans other than individual beings are social beings as well. While there are people who may not be intelligent but can understand others better precisely because of the limitations they have. It’s like, do you want to be right or you want to have the relationship with others?”

“If I have to sacrifice my heart and feelings in order to stay in this marriage. I think, it’s to much. There are boundaries for everything. Right?”

“Yeah, of course. If both of you did’t want to perform the marriage. Maybe it’s the boundaries. Or you don’t have any obligation to your children.”

“Unhealthy and toxic relationship can make mental health problems.”

“Like I said everything always have their consequences. There always a price for everything.”

“I wish I don’t have any emotion or feelings. It’s so hard to understand mostly except if involved the emotions and feelings.”

“That’s why I said, don’t be impulsive. Mostly, when you have to decide the most important thing for your life. But if you can't put a side your emotions and feelings. Just be prepared for the consequences. Maybe, there is some regrets but maybe not. Who know? The right? Be consistency for everything that you are decide.”

“Nice closing argument.” The Edelweiss had wiped away the rest of his tears.

“In the end, I wish you both the best. Marriage is like the sky. Sunny sometimes. Sometimes cloudy. Sometimes stormy. It can't be bright. It can't be cloudy. And there's no way the storm keeps.”

“Yeah! I know what you mean. Rajasa has advantages and disadvantages. Its advantages make it all feel fun and comforting but its shortcomings make everyone like to die.”

“Not everyone but only you.”

“Yeah! But at least I can learn from your relationship with Angela.”

“Yeah! Good girl!”

“But I can't promise anything.”

“Yeah! Everything that you will decide. Don’t feeling guilty. Anything. You have to believe for what you have decided and consistent.”

“Yeah!”

“You don’t have to be right. But you have dealt with your learning process. You will have your wisdom because of that.”

“Yeah!”

... ...