Love Bersemi In Turkey
I'm Not a Prostitute!

I woke up and opened my eyes. I found myself lying on a bed where I had never slept here before. I spread my eyes in confusion. I saw Vian fall asleep. He lay at the end of the bed, keeping as far as possible so as not to get close to me.

I tried to forget what happened last night. I got out of bed and stepped into the bathroom. Moments later I came out of the bathroom, I saw Vian looking in the mirror wearing his shirt. He didn't see me, but I'm sure he's aware of me.

"This all happened just because you were scared last night, so you can sleep here. But, that doesn't mean I don't hate you" he said in a rude tone as usual.

"Yes, I understand" I replied. Though, there was a sharp pain in my heart when I heard her words just now, but I tried to hide it.

Vian stopped fixing his shirt. He turned to look at me. I guess he wasn't happy with the tone of my answer just now, or he didn't want me to interrupt. He stepped forward and pushed me rough until I almost fell.

"You knew? You've slept with me. It makes you the same as a prostitute–" I understand what Vian will say. Quickly, I interrupted him before he could continue his words.

"No! Don't you dare continue your words! I'm not a whore! I never touched any man. And I've never slept with a man before. So, don't think that all women are the same as Liza!" I'm venting my emotions. But I didn't expect to say that.

I regret my words. I know that girl is her weak point, she'll be sensitive if someone says her name, whoever she is. Only God has the right to judge a person, I don't even know who that girl is, but I said her name and made her angry.

He looked at me with angry eyes while his feet moved closer to me. He tripped and pushed me so hard that I slammed. I felt my back hit the wall really hard. I was so surprised. My mouth is open, but I can't say anything.

I exhaled a stifled breath. I started to feel pain. I trembled in fear, while trying to regulate my breathing heavily.

He stood in front of me, looking at me who was in pain. I look at it with disgust. I felt like I was betrayed, even though I knew, he did it by accident.

He looked at me, and then tried to get closer to me. But I immediately shifted my position away from him. I'm still trembling in fear. Every time my back hit the wall, I was afraid that the events of my past would happen again. It's gonna happen again.

"Sa-sadiya ... Sadiya, please forgive me ... S-sorry ..." He stammered. I shook my head.

"Go!" I shouted while shifting my legs, trying to get away from him. But he was holding my arm. I tried to let go, but he held me tighter. Fear seemed to flow in my blood, rendering me helpless.

"Go!!" I'm yelling. He was still standing in front of me for a moment, after which he nodded and left me. I sat on the floor hugging my knees. My whole body was goosebumps, I felt as if the incident was repeating itself. Tears are pouring down my face. I always cry when I need help, but no one comes to my aid. I always cried when they beat you so hard that I was unconscious for hours, or even days. I always cry because I am weak, just a burden and nobody's. I'm just a vain creature, I know that.

I wiped the tears on my face with my sleeves. Then go to the bathroom. I saw my face in the mirror.

"You must be strong!" I said to the reflection of my baby in the mirror. Although I know it is quite contrary to what I just thought a moment ago. I try to strengthen myself. I saw my eyes. My eyes were slightly swollen and reddened, as if my face looked pale, just like a few days ago. I wiped my tears.

"You must fight! Not for anyone else. To yourself" I said to myself. I tried to close my eyes. Suddenly I heard a voice. A foreign voice that just popped into my mind, that I didn't know whose voice it was.

'Everything you've been through is just a test. Never abandon your religion. Trust in God. He will not give a test beyond the ability of his servant. You are tested because you are strong. Don't say to God, "I have a big problem." But say to your problem, "I have the Greatest God." Find God, spill all your problems on Him. That way you will get through it easily. There is no power or strength except from Him.'

Suddenly my head ached after hearing that voice. I sat on the cold bathroom floor, pulling my hair on my head with my finger, trying to relieve the pain in my head. I chose to keep quiet and endure the pain until it went away on its own. It's better than screaming.

After a while, my headache disappeared. I went to the living room couch carrying a book in my hand. A book given by a woman when I bought vegetables at the stall at that time. After what just happened, it made me feel the need to read this book. I don't want to read it, but my heart says I have to read it. I opened the first page and started reading it. My tears almost fell, but I immediately wiped them off. Don't cry anymore! I said to myself.

'Pray, God will grant your prayers. Do not forget to set up the five-time prayer. Because prayer is the first thing to be asked on the day of judgment. Imagine, at that time God would say to the angels, "If he does it five times, put him in my paradise."

Repair your relationship with God, and God will repair your relationship with your fellow man.'

I can't read any more. Not because I don't want to read it. But because my eyes became blurry, because my eyes glazed over and my tears flowed. I closed the book and sat quietly contemplating the sentence after sentence I had just read.

A few moments later, I went into the kitchen. I opened the fridge to get food. I was just about to pick up an apple, and suddenly the doorbell rang. I took my foot to the front door and opened it.

My eyes grew terrified at who was standing at the door. I didn't expect him to come here when Vian wasn't home. He was a man who at that time came to this house to give a package containing marijuana and illegal drugs to Vian. He was the man who was clutching my wrist tightly while I was in the garden.

He grinned and laughed at me.