Love Bersemi In Turkey
Tato

I woke up feeling something soft in my hand. I also feel pain in my neck. I slowly opened my eyes to see what was going on. My eyes were on my hands that were on Vian's head, slipping between her soft, dense hair.

I'm still sitting. I didn't realize I was sleeping while sitting, so my neck hurt. I stroked her soft hair with my hands, I couldn't help but do it.

I knew it was still early morning, so I didn't want to move on from his side. I don't want to wake him either. I felt him move slowly after a while. He opened his eyes, immediately looked up. When she saw that it was me, she turned around and closed her eyes again. Until the next day ...

***

"What time is this?" tanyanya gently. I took my hand off her hair, I didn't want to make her angry. I pressed his phone to see what time it was.

“It's almost ten o'clock. Come on get up, I can't feel my legs,” I said as I gently patted her arm. After sleeping all night on my lap, it felt like my legs were tingling.

He groaned before slowly waking up. He stared at me for a few seconds, then turned around. Without saying anything, he got up and I saw his pants lifted up a little. A black design was on the skin of his feet, barely noticeable because it was so small.

I took her hand, pulled her back. He stopped in front of me, looking at me in confusion. I pulled her shorts up a bit to take a closer look. He pulled it back down to cover it up but I've seen what it is.

"Why do you have a tattoo? Especially the snake tattoo?" Ask her. How could he have a tattoo, did he not know the tattoo was haram?

"Vian .." I said softly, I was eager to hear an answer from him. I kept my tone of voice soft, because I didn't want to make her angry. I saw his face turn sour.

"It's none of your business!" he said while trying to walk but I held tightly to his hand and I tightened my grip even more.

"I know it's none of my business, and I know that I mean nothing to you. So, I'm sorry that I've interfered in your affairs just because you really mean something to me" I said, letting go of her hand.

I lowered my head, felt ashamed of what I said and even asked about her tattoo. He was silent for a few seconds and did not move, unlike what I had expected.

"It's a tattoo, as you can see," he said suddenly.

I looked at him and he still had the same expression. Angrier.

"I made it after Liza died. I made it so that I could remind myself how horrible I was and how disgusted I was with myself" he said, taking a few steps back.

I just opened my mouth to answer, but he shook his head and immediately spoke back.

"Save your advice. I don't need the lecture you gave me" he said firmly. But suddenly a look of sadness was clearly painted on his face. I stood up, stopping him as he was about to walk out the door.

"You're not bad. I mean, you're sometimes mean but not bad. You're not disgusting. You are someone who just got lost, you just lost your way. People like my family are disgusting, horrible. Someone who takes the wrong path is not bad or disgusting, they just get lost" I said, trying to convince him that he was not who he said he was. He has protected me. He let me stay at his house. He didn't torture me like my family did.

“Why are you so opposed to finding the right path? If only you would keep God's command that God would listen to you also..” I ventured to advise him. However, he suddenly pushed me against the wall beside him. It didn't hurt, but it really surprised me. I looked into her scary eyes.

My heart started beating faster and I immediately regretted what I said, even though while being around him like this, his scent could calm me down.

"Now you listen carefully. Don't ask me anything about my life and don't try to give me advice. The first thing you have to do is reflect on your own life, because it is also chaotic, perhaps even more chaotic" he sighed as he looked at me with an angry expression that usually scares me, but not this time. I grabbed her arm and pushed her back.

"I'm sorry that I've tried to get into your life and try to make your life better, because I gave up on my life. Now get out, I want to be alone" I said, stepping away from the door so he could get out.

He didn't say anything and just walked out. I jumped in shock as he closed the door loudly. Tears are washing my eyes. Everybody hates me. My body began to tremble and I sat on the floor because otherwise I would have fallen.

I pulled my hair. My family's voice came back to my ears.

'Unworthiness'

'We'll sell you, he'll do more than we do, your handsome husband,'

You are not worthy of anything!'

'You'll never be happy'

'You're nothing to us'

Everything they did to me and my grandmother, came back to my memory as if it was coming back to life. Usually I always know how to shut down my feelings and memories of all that, but now, I can't do it anymore.

I started banging my head against the wall lightly, trying to destroy everything from inside me. Suddenly I felt someone shake my body and slap my face which made me even more afraid. It's gonna happen again, I know it.

I started to tremble even more and although I wanted to protect myself from the shocks and slaps, I couldn't move.

"Vian, come here right now!" A woman screamed. I felt a little calmer when I heard Vian's name. What kind of feeling is this? I hate him but I want to be with him all the time. He hurt me just as much as they did, mentally. And it's still her feeling, always her. Why ..?

***

"Do something!"

"I don't know .. don't know what to do ..."

"Hug her, she's having a panic attack!"

Suddenly I felt a pair of circular arms around my waist. The feeling of security came again. He tightened his arms and repeatedly told me to calm down.

I try to control my breathing. As he said and after a while, I felt better. My breathing began to return to normal even though it was a little heavier and I started to stop shaking.

A few moments later I felt calmer, and slowly I opened my eyes. I spread my gaze around, I saw Sevda and Layla. Layla looked very frightened so I reached out for her, even though I felt still very weak. He grabbed my hand hesitantly, then slowly I lifted it into my lap. I put my hand on her cheek.

"It's okay, no. .. nothing happened," my voice rattled. It felt as if I had just screamed so loudly that it made me feel hard to speak.

The little girl nodded and quickly got up from my lap.

I looked at Sevda and he just shook his head and gave me a warm smile. I felt the two arms that were coiled around my body constrict, dragging my body to lean more towards him.

"Vian," I whispered. He's not moving. He still hugs me like that. I tried to move his arm but Sevda stopped me.

"Don't. Let him hug you. He needs. He was so scared to see you like that, "he said and I nodded, understanding what he meant. She grabbed Layla's hand and moved out of the room. I let Vian hold me like that for a moment, then I turned around in his arms.

“Vian, I'm fine,” I said as I touched his face. However, he still did not want to open his eyes. I took a deep breath.

"I'm here, nothing happened" I said and he opened his eyes. His eyes seemed to be filled with regret.

“I hurt you. I hurt you all the time and it was all my fault,” he said in a weak voice.

I can't argue with her right now, so I just put my head on her chest and hugged her.

"There's none of your faults. If it was your fault, I wouldn't be here" I said, hugging me tighter. I don't know what possessed us, but we sat hugging like that for hours.

Then I stood up and grabbed her hand to help her stand up. My legs still feel a bit shaky but I can handle it.

"Sorry, about before. That's your choice .. Life, life. And your body, your body, too. I don't need to go to camp" she didn't even let me finish my words.

"Don't worry about that" he said, after which he let go of my embrace.

"I really need some fresh air right now. I'll be back soon" he said as it passed.

I sighed and let myself fall on the bed.

'Tattooing is haram. Why haram? Because tattoos are unhealthy and can make our body sick, how to make it just pricked with a needle. We must not hurt the body and life God has given us. Our bodies are not ours, but God's, and we must take care of them. He created us and we must keep His commandments. He would not set a provision without a good reason. Everyone has a reason. So is why you married Vian, ' said the strange voice and I smiled a little, relieved by his explanation. My father and brother's bodies are covered in tattoos, although I don't really see them all, but I'm sure they're tattoos.