Love Bersemi In Turkey
Small House Full of Guards

I just came out of the gate, someone holding my wrist. I'm turning. Sevda thrust a key and a piece of paper at me. I scrunched my forehead.

"This is the key to my parents' house in Istanbul. And on this paper is written the full address. There is also a little money to take a taxi. Go there, I think the best thing for you right now is to calm down first. There were a lot of guards there, but don't worry, I'll tell them" he said, looking at me guiltily.

I took everything he gave me and nodded, I can't even say anything. I turned and left.

I waited for the taxi to pass. And finally after a while, the taxi came, I gave the address to the driver.

Shortly after, the taxi stopped in front of a house. I walked into the yard of the house. In front of the entrance, I saw the figure of a large tall man wearing all-black clothes as well as round sunglasses. If only today was a day like always, I would be afraid to see such a person. But I assure myself, I must get away from Vian. I don't care about anything in front of me. After all, after I looked at him more closely, the man looked friendly.

"Propheying Madam Viantra, Madam can go inside. Another guard was away to get food. Madam can change clothes in the locker," he said. I nodded in understanding.

He shifted to the side of the door allowing me to enter.

I don't even look around, I don't care. The only thing I know is that the house is small. Very few have security. But like I said, I don't care at the moment.

I went to the bathroom and took ablution. Then, I went to the room, inside there was a bed and a closet. I opened the small closet and searched inside it for a long skirt and scarf.

Finally I found it and immediately put it on, I took out a sweater to use as a prayer mat. After a long time of prayer, I sat down and held my palms together. No tears, no feelings. There is only me and God.

"Yes Allah. I know I'm not a good person to get heaven, to get everything you give and give me. I know that I am, very weak. I can't find you. I'm so lost, but I feel so close to you.

O God, I know that I have done nothing to ask anything of you, except for my love of you. Please, please guide me. I really want to be a good person. I really want to be someone to be proud of. Please give me the light to find you. I was so lost in the darkness that I couldn't help myself. Please help me .. O God, you know what is inside me. You know what I think. You know what is best for me.

Is this my destiny? Did you unite me with him only to part ways in the end? To learn from it and throw it away?

Oh God, please guide me. Without you, I cannot be what I want to be. Without you, I would be lost in darkness forever. Oh my God, please help me .. Give me a hint," I pray all the time. It feels like I should do it. I pray for everything and for everyone.

***

"Thank you" I said to the man who gave me a bag full of food. He just nodded and came out again. I wonder in my heart, do they never sleep or eat?

I decided I would cook for them too when I was going to eat something. Not that I'm hungry. That was the last thing I could think of.

***

I changed my clothes to the pajamas I found from the closet, then walked to the sofa in the living room and turned on the TV. Actually I don't want to watch it, but it feels so lonely. I'm used to it, but it feels weird if there's no sound. I was even happy, even though I only heard the sound of Vian screaming.

I turned my eyes to the TV. I saw that famous boy band concert. I never understood why everyone liked them.

Suddenly, at the thought of that, my eyes closed as if by force. I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't.

I heard that strange voice again. 'We have no right to judge others. Only God has the right to judge His servant. No human is perfect. Only God knows our hearts" said the voice.

Suddenly, I feel bad. That's right, I myself have so many flaws, that I can't even count them. Why do I judge others?

***

I sat on the bed with the phone in my hand. I've made a unanimous decision. I've thought about it many times.

"Oh my God, if my decision is correct, let him pick up the phone. Otherwise, let him not answer," I prayed inwardly while taking a deep breath.

I immediately typed her phone number and waited for her to pick it up. Deep down in my heart, I didn't want her to lift it.

I flinched when I heard a voice across the phone. All right, here we go. I've already made a decision, and no one can make me overturn my decision.

"Valaydark, Salma. I'd like to ask you for a favor. I want you to find me a lawyer to take care of my divorce" I said as I let go of a stifled breath.

***

I turned. I can't sleep. I don't know why I feel so nervous. My mind is not care. Am I doing the right thing? I know he's hurt too but I can't stand living with him anymore. We always hurt each other. I put those thoughts aside, trying to sleep so I could forget everything.

***

I woke up with a huge headache. I only slept two hours tonight. I got up from my sleep and went to the bathroom to take ablution and pray Fajr.

I pray and pray. So many tears I let fall. In shaa Allah will Allah guide me, for I cannot do it alone. I'm not strong and I know that.

"Mrs Viantra, breakfast is ready" said the same guard yesterday. I rushed to the dining table and saw him. I've never had such a fancy breakfast.

"Call all your friends. I don't know how many you guys. But we can eat together here" I said.

He immediately called his friends. They all have seven. I wonder in my heart, why are there so many guards just to guard a house this small?