Love Bersemi In Turkey
I'm Gone

What the hell's going on? Vian stood there in his place, glued there motionless. With the phone still in his grasp, he looked so anxious. A moment later, he looked at me while widening his eyes.

"He? ... That fire?" he said with anger. He stepped towards me, making me feel scared when I saw the anger so great in his eyes.

"I'll kill him!" he said it repeatedly. Shortly after, he called someone.

"Javed, Kevin, or Kyle burned the house down. Take all the men to Turkey. We'll make a plan to stop them ... Just look later, who will kill who .." he said firmly.

"No .. he's fine" he said, looking at me.

"I would never let them do something like he had done to Liza ... He won't be able to do anything ... As long as I'm alive, I won't let anyone hurt Sadiya, nor my family." Vian disconnects his phone, then slams his phone. Fortunately, his phone slammed into the bed.

My heart was beating irregularly. I followed him walking into the living room, where Sevda was.

"Don't tell your father or mother about the fire" he said, staring at his sister Sevda.

Sevda asked us to sit at the dinner table and I thought Vian would explain everything to him, but it turned out that he didn't. None of us ate and there was a strange atmosphere of tension.

"Then, what are we gonna do?" He asked Vian.

"You can stay here for a while. I'll take care of the new house for you" he replied and Sevda nodded. I suddenly felt guilty. Vian has a lot of problems to bear. I wonder if he can handle it.

"Do you know how it all burns?" He asked slowly.

Vian looked at me and I gave him a look that said 'tell him'. He shook his head and looked at Sevda, to avoid eye contact with me. Finally we started eating, then went with each other's activities.

***

Vian just got home. I don't know where he went or what he did but he looks tense. He was angry the whole time and even yelled at Layla who was bothering him. The little girl just wanted to play with him. I had to take her to her room to calm her down. He's very scared.

"Don't scare a kid, Vian. He didn't do anything wrong" I warned him. She sat on the bed and combed her hair with her hands. I walked over to the bed and sat down next to Vian.

"Are you okay?" I asked while looking at him. He turned to the other side and shook his head. I sighed then turned my chin with both hands to point his face at me.

"Everything will be fine, believe me. You..do you want to pray together with me?" I ventured to ask.

He just looked at me flat and rolled his eyes lazily. How could someone like him not believe in God? It's time I made him understand. I stood up while putting both my hands on my waist.

"Why? Why don't you believe it? All of this happens for a reason. All this trouble, about your boss, about this fire, none of this happened for no reason. Even Liza died there was a reason. There is always a reason why God gives us tests. Why does God not give us anything? Only God knows what is best for us. It could be that God took something from you, to give you something better. Why do you not believe in God?

Aren't you .. Aren't you happy with me? Even though we're not a real couple, aren't you at least a little happy? I want to help you by being here for you.

He's dead, remember that. I'm here now, I'm always by your side.

Why don't you ask me about Islam? Oh yeah, I forgot! I'm sure you know more about it than I do. Didn't you tell me that you were once a hafiz? Oh, Vian. Look around you, God gave you so many signs to put your trust in Him again.

Open eyes! He gave you all this pain for you to open your eyes and realize that He misses you, not everyone gets that chance!"

I spoke at length to him, it felt like all the burdens had been spilled from my shoulders.

However, he did not move at all, as if he had heard nothing. He didn't react, as if everything I said just went in through the right ear and out through the left ear. I'm desperate. That's how I feel now.

"There will never be anyone who can replace Liza. In the past, today and tomorrow, all I have in my heart is Liza" she said.

From everything I just said, that's the payoff? Is he trying to say that I shouldn't have bothered to help him? And ... What am I here for? I nodded my head in understanding and immediately took my bag.

I started putting my clothes in. All new clothes because after the house was a fire, all our clothes were also burned. Eh, wait! Why did I put in the clothes bought with the money. I have nothing more .. I packed it up and put my foot out. I looked at Sevda there with an angry expression, looking at Vian.

I turned my face towards Vian for a moment, he just looked at me flat, not caring at all. I shook my head. He meant it all. I am not welcome here, I thought inwardly as I continued to step my feet towards the front door.

I heard Sevda shouting something in Turkish. Maybe he yelled at Vian. Sevda rushed towards me to stop me, but I got out immediately. I took a deep breath and left.

Look, Vian doesn't care at all, he does want me to go. Then, why should I stay here? It turned out that everything he said was indeed true, I did not deserve to have anything. I don't deserve to have anyone. I don't deserve to be loved. Love and happiness may just be dreams that will never come true for me. Everything is just a wishful thinking.

I think those happy days will happen soon. I think he will slowly accept me and forget about Liza. Turns out I was wrong. Wrong big! I've been dreaming too high ...

All right, I'm gonna go. Where am I supposed to go? I don't even know ...