Is it my destiny or is it my destiny?
A bad mother.

" Ilmi, you're what the hell is really dong if the toy is machined."

" Ilmi, don't bother her sister Don't make her sister cry."

" Immi you're so naughty."

" Ilmi don't."

" Ili."

Day by day, Nina's emotions are always out of control, even more so when she discovers Ilmi's unusual behavior. Like, he's starting to prank his sister. She no longer wants to clean her toys or she no longer wants to learn.

It makes Nina more dizzy and always want to be angry, coupled with an attitude of saying that is getting worse and worse.

Declining economic conditions make refineries so irritable and always quarrel if Nina asks for money to shop.

" this. Economized, don't wastefully wasteful." Said Gilang as he gave 2 pieces of money in red.

" I could have spared if Ilmi wanted to eat with vegetables and only with tofu and tempe dishes. Do you know if Ilmi doesn't like all that."

" Yes, but Ilmi also likes eggs."

" I know, but what would it be if every day I fed scientifically with egg dishes. You're all if I just cook eggs you're always mad."

Gilang then went out of the room because he no longer wanted to argue with Nina.

A few months later, Akifa is now 7 months old. He's good at crawling, he's started crawling there to. Akifa began to actively teach if Dina was teaching Ilmi to play. And the impact of Nina's attitude that always scolded Ilmi, Ilmi turned into an angry child.

Not infrequently Ilmi hit the younger brother if the younger brother is disturbing him to play or study.

What Nina did was even more angry with Ilmi.

" I'm sorry mommy, kid, you didn't mean to yell at Ilmi." Nina cried at night after Ilmi slept.

Kissed and hugged Ilmi by Nina. Nina promises to try to control her emotions, but promises to stay. Her debates with Gilang that occur almost every time Nina asks for money, make Nina forget her desire to control her emotions more when facing delinquency from Ilmi.

" Just yesterday I gave you 300 grand, and now you've asked for more money?. Why are you so extravagant Nina, we can't even save. We also can't afford the cost arrears. You think it's easy to make money?"

From then on, Nina no longer wanted to ask Gilang for money, so she would just wait to tell him to give her money.

Every time rice or other necessities run out. Nina only had her needs exhausted without asking for money from Gilang.

" Pempes is over."

"Rice up."

That's all Nina ever said. Until one day, when Gilang will make tea at night.

" The sugar is gone."

" Yes it's over."

" Why not buy?"

" Yes because my money is only enough to buy vegetables, if the money I spend to buy sugar then I will be short of money to shop." Nina's Speech.

Without a second thought Nina immediately walked to a beautiful store to buy sugar and some other necessities that were already exhausted.

Such a thing continued until Akifa was 10 months old So Nina did not say directly that her money was running out, so he will remain silent until Gilang himself who gave money to him because he said himself knew that his needs were exhausted.

And Gilang decided to no longer work with his brother, Gilang tried to work with his friends. In the hope of meeting the economic needs of the family.

But unfortunately, what Nina felt was just the opposite. Instead of making the family economy better, it is getting messy. The work that was completed in a long time, as well as an erratic income, made Nina and Gilang more and more bickering.

" Why don't you just ask if your money is running out?" Ask Neighbor Nina.

" Because I'm tired, I'm tired of fighting with Gilang. Even though I said a lot of things. But still he always wants to win by himself." Nina said sadly

" Gilang doesn't know how dizzy I'm managing finances if he only gives money 200thousand. I will give again after a week. All my needs are bought. I'm actually tired, every week I have to ask for money or borrow money from other fathers and brothers to be able to meet the needs of me and my children."

" Try you invite Gilang if you will shop for kitchen needs, and others."

" I've done it a lot, but Gilang just kept quiet and didn't comment. However, when the money he gave me ran out then he would let out his scathing words again."

" Hmm, I don't know if I'm also confused by the thoughts of the men. They always assume that the money they give us is enough for everyday purposes. They don't think that needs go up every day."

" Yes, I have also told Gilang, bring the price of basic food and other needs sometimes go up. However, he only responded with hurtful words like never buy expensive items or food again. Shitty right?"

" Yes, just like my husband."

" From the past, it could not only rely on income from Gilang, but I have to how. I tried selling online but it did not work, because selling online it takes capital. It's not easy to get a buyer just by being a dropship."

" Not a business."

" Additional effort requires a large capital, if only there was a job that could bring children I would definitely take the job even as a housekeeper. As long as I can get money to meet my needs and also for Ilmi's pocket money."

" Mother asks for money to buy snacks."

" O Lord Ilmi, why do you keep fighting. Try eating rice, do you know if you're not having money."

Ilmi pouting. Nina sighed.

It often happens, sometimes Lina becomes angry because of the science that likes to ask money to buy snacks.

Sometimes Nina is aware, this little boy knows what his parents' finances are. But sometimes Nina's consciousness is masked by her resentment towards Gilang's attitude, which always does not provide a living properly.

Nina cried every night, when Gilang still did not come home from work. Nina realized her actions were often scolding and yelling at Ilmi.

" I'm not a good mother, I'm a very bad mother to my children.When can I survive this situation?, and why does God always give me such a hard ordeal. When can I feel as happy as any other family." Lirih Nina while looking at her two sleeping babies.

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