Pelita Hati Bunda
Divorce Deed

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The clouds blackened the sky and the earth collapsed

When I know reality hurts...

Why everyone is crying

I was smiling

Wipe, tear I don't want any sadness...

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Pensively pensive these five fingers after engraving a few sentences on the white paper. There are several words that represent the expression of the heart that is marked by longing by being represented by deep black ink from a black pen.

I sat on the old chair whose base was also broken and the wood was also worn out. Facing the night yard through cracked glass that can be destroyed at any time. I call it that, because out there can be seen a stretch of sky that emits rays of stars.

Among the sparkling stars above there was a radiance that seemed to carve a face of a person I longed for but also who gave status without certainty. His face smiled full of falsehoods imprinted in the memory foam that I deliberately wanted to forget.

His face also his smile really makes me able to attract a smile without awareness. But this happiness is always kicked out by the disappearance of the owner of the heart that gives an unclear status.

'If in a year I don't come home, let's just say I've divorced you. You are free to remarry without having to ask me for permission.'

What do I have to do when I remember all those words. The last word he said when he was leaving was at the age of one month of marriage. Whether to cry, smile or laugh at a fate that doesn't fit my dreams.

It was so easy to say all those words. Marriage seems to be a game from him that can be started also ended easily. Stupid I accepted the marriage back then, I didn't think that she would leave me because of the promise and commitment we had held for three years when we were dating.

The tip of my lips was drawn as these eyes looked at the sky and saw so clearly the smiling face of my husband. Is he so happy now? Or is he laughing at my fate? Or maybe he was making fun of me because I easily believed his sweet words?

I don't know what he's doing there right now, while I'm here just knitting out the pseudo-happiness that's getting desperate.

I stared at the white sheet on my lap, writing that was just as simple as a kindergarten kid just knitting a word. Writings without philosophy also do not intermingle like meaningful poetry.

Longing, anger, frustration and disappointment are also piled into one in a container called the heart and will only always be contained in the navy-bound book line that has always been my daily friend.

"When are you going home, Mom? Don't you miss me? "

A glimmer of hope can welcome his return, hugging tightly the body that has been somehow like what now.

"Look, Mas. Look at how I am now! I've been getting thinner since you left. Even so I keep keeping myself beautiful until your return."

The eyes looked back at the light up there, hoping that they would convey a growing longing.

"Mother, Ara wants to bob in Mother's embrace."

I gasp. Astaghfirullah, because of this endless longing I forgot the little angel who became my pride and my strength.

Yes, my name is Nayla Ariane. Twenty-four years old. A mother of a beautiful angel whom I named Ara Nuril Aisyah, she will soon be five years old, she is very beautiful just like me.

I closed my best friend for a moment and I slipped a black pen inside before it was covered by my hand. The body began to move closer to the little angel who stood staring at me by hugging the panda doll.

'He is the seed you left before your departure. He's grown up and similar to you.'

I was envious to see his face, his sharp nose, his oval face, his two thick eyebrows like caterpillars, his round eyes bright as well as his lips were all the same as Aditya Wilman's, my husband's.

These smiling lips greeted Ara who stretched out both hands to ask for a sling, I lifted her small body and brought it to the bed and lowered it very slowly.

"Sleep baby, Mommy will always take care of you."

I pulled out a blanket to cover my body as well as Ara. The bobbin nina chant began to sound, the hand also started to move to continue wiping its forehead. This way Ara would definitely quickly close her eyes.

One thing I deeply regret, Mas Aditya was never there for him even he was completely unaware of Ara's presence in the middle of our household that there was no clarity.

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My morning, my weekend was only at home with Ara spending time together after six days of always busy work. I don't want Ara to feel lonely or unnoticed. I give him all the affection so he doesn't feel any lack.

Surya kept smiling up there, seeing the happiness in our togetherness on the terrace by playing a Barbie doll. Really, this heart is happy to see the little angel who is always smiling and developing very well.

His hands held two unequal dolls, a child doll and a boy doll dressed as a bride. Take another doll girl who also dress in the style of a bride and aligned by Ara in a place like a family that is so happy.

"Mother, when will Ara's father come home? Ara wants to be like Leni, she always plays with her father, whether Ara can be like Leni."

I smiled when I heard Leni's name she gave to her little doll. But it didn't last long after realizing Ara's wish. I fell silent and this smile faded on its own.

Lips are confused to say the word, what I have to say either tomorrow, the day after tomorrow or when do not know when Mas Aditya will go home.

Lips can only come back smiling full of falsehoods.

"So soon Dad will be home. Dad is working in a place that jauuuhhh.so Ara must be patient, there will be Mother here who will always be with Ara."

It was just a false hope I gave. This heart is not there but how else.

"Excuse me, is this really Nayla Ariane's house? "

I turned my head, nodding slowly as I walked over to the person who came. Who her? Not familiar at all, but he seemed to be the one delivering the letter.

"Yes, I'm alone. What's up, sir?"

I got up, walked over and stopped right in front of him, and it turned out that the guy was the mailman. The two eyebrows fused together due to the shrunken forehead.

"There's a letter for you."

His hand held out a brown envelope. After I received the person also asked for a signature as a handover.

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you, sir." said I'm very grateful even though I don't know what the letter is and where it came from.

This heart beats when I find out the letter I hold from the religious court office. The hand began to open it even though it had started to tremble, wanting to more clearly know what the contents inside were.

Tears that are always weathered I do not allow to come out now one by one show themselves. This heart of disbelief, after almost six years of waiting for my husband's return, is now just a piece of paper that comes and gives certainty.

"Mas Aditya divorced me?" I could not stand the crying, the paper I just held was unable to hold in my grasp and now flew in the wind.

The body immediately limps and collapses. Dreams of happiness have all been shattered in the storm of divorce that was decided unilaterally.

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SERIATE....