Pelita Hati Bunda
The late explanation

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"You'll see how I get you, Nay!" said.

"Don't let go of me. Don't do this" I cried and kept crying. Can't do anything because you lose stronger than your strength.

The pain is clearly felt in the heart. I never thought I would be hurt by two men at the same time.

Why is fate so sad like this. Not yet healed the wound that was inflicted by a man who used to be loved and now can only be called an ex and now must suffer more painful injuries.

Abused, and also in low self-esteem that continues to be held in high esteem throughout life.

The face has been flushed, the eyes are also puffy, the nose feels influential and also the voice that has been exhausted. Not only that, but all over the body feels very sick, tired also feel humiliated because it has been insulted by men who disguise as a boss who only a few days I know.

But all of that is nothing compared to the sanctity that has been tainted and can no longer be cleaned.

My body was trembling with sobs that it was so stifling to the chest.

Yeah, it's all because of my mistake. I should've been better able to keep up my conversation so well that this didn't happen. But how else, regrets will always come after everything has happened.

In the plain body covered with blankets I continued to sob, my tears seemed to run out and unable to come out again.

I hate myself, I hate my dirty body because it has been plastered by a man who has no heart like Mr. Devan.

While the perpetrator that I hate so much?

She was with her leg next to me with her eyes closed with her breath still crashing after she had just collapsed after getting released and releasing all the seeds into my womb.

Astaghfirullah, in my womb?

I go back to remembering everything that happened. Remembering after Mr. Devan also so casually let out all in the womb. What if one of them lives and grows up inside my stomach.

The shadow started to take over my head, I was scared.

I have kept all the honors for six years and have been untouched by any man other than the man who became my mahram. But now? Even my mahram gave me back that barrier and now all the honor has been taken away. This heart pain.

He is handsome, he is very charming and anyone will easily accept his love. Even many will accept just to get the touch. But me?

Now I hate him more. I don't want to deal with him anymore after this.

"You're really amazing, Nay."

Those words are tearing my heart apart that is already hurting. He said as if raining down to the center of the deepest heart. This gives a clear wound will be increasingly imprinted.

"Satisfied father now? I humbled and trampled on Nay's self-esteem, which Nay had been guarding with all his body and soul."

"I'm a fool who can't understand you, but you're a smart man who will understand me easily. Father said, whatever I hide the carcass then you will be able to sniff it. But it turns out that you're wrong, you can't do that."

I want to be angry but what's the point, everything's happened. Nothing can be changed if it turns out Mr. Devan has touched me.

"Don't you know why I hid my identity? Then listen carefully."

Mr. Devan who initially closed his eyes now opened it and waited for what I wanted to say.

Whether he will believe it or not is his right. Most importantly I said all her honesty.

With sobs that kept coming out mixed all the explanations I told Mr. Devan.

There's nothing left, nothing left, all I told you from the beginning of my life I married Aditya mas and how he left me also how long the wait that finally only ended with certainty that was so painful.

With sobbing I told her how my fate was. A married woman, a, taken sanctity by virtue of love and duty to be done also how all the suffering along the waiting should be so great draining emotions when everyone blasphemes and also insults even doubting my current identity_ it really is a wife.

I don't see how Mr. Devan is right now whether he still remains indifferent and indifferent to all my feelings or vice versa.

I was so angry with him that it felt so hard to look. My mouth continued to speak even though with a completely devastated feeling, I was so despicable now.

How do I face the world against my sweet daughter, not knowing how until my son finds out her mother has lost her honor.

My cry broke and the body continued to tremble as the crying returned. I was silent after all I had said so honestly and there was nothing I covered.

Maybe it's my fault for not explaining everything from the beginning and making it happen. Had I said it from the beginning then I would not have lost this kind of honor and self-respect.

What will Mr. Devan do after hearing my explanation. Whether he will regret and take responsibility for everything he has done to me, or he will run away from mistakes and will blame me.

If Mr. Devan is the one who is really responsible then he will admit the mistake and will account for everything. But if not, then he will run away from the word of responsibility like Mas Aditya that I hate so much and I will continue to be far away.

But that doesn't mean I want it so much because the pain I'm going through now won't be easy to forgive.

And surely my heart will be closed to men everywhere and anyone including Mr. Devan who just finished spitting out all the seeds of the depths of my womb.

"N_Nay.." Mr. Devan's voice sounded shaky and even sounded so raucous. Is he sorry now?

I remained unmoved in my position and did not turn at all towards Mr. Devan who called me. I was so sick of hearing his voice.

"Sorry, I want to go home I'm tired," That's all I said and sat down.

Slowly I got out of bed without covering all the innocent bodies, no shame, awkward or afraid anymore after all everything has been enjoyed, seen and pluralized by Mr. Devan.

I picked up one by one the clothes scattered on the floor by slowly wearing them back but still still with sobs that just kept wanting to get out.

Mr. Devan kept looking at me, it seemed like he was still in shock with all the explanations I said until he kept glued to me, seeing all my movements even seeing the roar of tears that I occasionally wiped with the back of my hand.

All the back clinging to my body covered everything that was not supposed to be shown to anyone. Likewise with a shirt that only has two buttons I still wear.

I close with a blazer on the front so that everything is covered and no one will know about my clothes that have been damaged by the hands of Mr. Devan who was so terrible.

"Nay," back Mr. Devan called me his voice there is such deep regret.

But the call from Mr. Devan was not at all I was frustrated and kept walking back to get out of the room which for me is now so damned.

"Day!" This time Mr. Devan's call sounded even higher.

And this time his voice managed to make my legs stop but I did not look at him at all.

"What else, sir. Are you still not satisfied to have destroyed me? Is it after everything you've done that you still can't forgive all my words? Then just throw me off this floor and kill me if you'll be satisfied with it."

I'm sure my words are very into the heart of Mr. Devan but good, hopefully with this Mr. Devan can realize his mistake.

"Bu_it's not like that, Nay. Sa_me..."

"Sorry, I'm tired I want to go home."

I held on with all my tears that actually wanted to go back to freefall and wet my cheeks that were starting to dry. I did not look at Mr. Devan at all even though it was heard that the man was already standing behind me. My feet kept walking away and didn't care about it anymore.

"Nay, Nay... Arghhh!!" That voice I heard from Mr. Devan but I still did not care and still set foot to go home and see Ara.

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Seriate...