Pelita Hati Bunda
Found him

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The fact that I have obtained makes this body completely helpless. It feels like there is no power to be able to do anything even just to clean the house it feels unable.

I just sat down on the bench. My door shut tight even if I don't lock it, while Ara? She went to school, even in front of the house.

So much homework and laundry I had to do but this sense of helplessness had ruined everything.

Sometimes tears still trickle when I see the testpack that is back in the hand, it still does not believe that I am pregnant.

I hope this is just a dream that will disappear when I wake up from a long sleep. But is this really just a dream?

I don't know why it feels like there's no way, everything feels dead.

I know, I made that road feel dead. If only I could make peace with my eating destiny none of this would have happened. I'll get through it easily. But honey?

Because of one man's fault I feel like I judge all men and end up having a bad impact on myself. If there was no trauma, I would have gone straight to Mr. Devan and held him responsible, but no!

What is this, a prestige or selfishness?

Actually it's all easy and there's a way but I made it hard myself and closed the road myself. Now who should be blamed? Me! I was wrong.

Indeed, many say forgiveness is easy but why not with me. Is it possible because I cannot be sincere and accept destiny?

Is because I always think narrowly and also think negatively about God's destiny, until finally I myself feel difficult.

How to be sincere?

O God, show me the way to always be sincere and always be patient in all that You have given.

Or is it because I am less grateful? Or never even be grateful?

Maybe because I always forget God, so He gives all this so that I can always remember and always mention His name he daily_ku and also throughout my prayers.

A prayer? I forgot when I prayed.

Perhaps, because I was so far away from Him that He felt distant from me and made me feel alone without anyone.

This is my selfishness.

I want to get what's best while I forget to be good. I was always so busy with anger and disappointment that I forgot the name of being grateful and sincere.

It must be because this is all that happened until it changed like this.

"Astaghfirullah piety," I realized all the sins that had flowed throughout my life.

Is that still acceptable?

Gratitude, patience and sincerity should go hand in hand to be able to get peace in life but me? Nothing I did was obviously alive it felt so messed up. So when the exam came I just kept complaining and complaining.

Blaming destiny and feeling most wronged. Even the one that is always present in the mind is only about despair and wanting to end life. Surely if God is angry because all my behavior always deviates far from the rules.

Never remember to draw near to God and I want his affection, how could it be?

How could I possibly get His love while I was unwilling to know and be close to Him. Truly, I am a tyrant.

Astaghfirullah...

Many times the istighfar will not necessarily remove all sins but at least reduce them.

"Forgive me, O God, who has forgotten all the favors you have given. I am sorry that I always forget to be grateful. I'm sorry..."

Now there is only regret after remembering everything.

His heart began to calm down and felt lighter than before. It turns out that right, remembering God is the key to all the problems that occur.

Istighfar who continued to speak accompanied the increasingly collapsed body on the chair with a feeling that was still so upset. It's better, but it still exists.

Remembering the days that are going to get harder in the future makes me so fragile. I should have been able to calm down if I had really given all of that to God, but in fact? It's not all that easy.

Slowly the eyes began to close because they were so tired. Until really my eyes are no longer able to withstand fatigue and I sleep soundly.

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AUTHOR POV ....

With the help of a hacker Devan can finally find the whereabouts of Nayla. The obvious existence makes Devan rush away to approach Nayla and Ara despite the work piling up.

Devan continued to smile as he imagined that he would soon meet Nayla. His heart is so flowery like a teenager who is in love and wants to meet the idol.

"I'll soon find you, Nay," he murmured.

The car continues to go fast Devan is very impatient to quickly meet with Nayla.

His face sparkled with lips continuing to smile cheerfully.

His car stopped at the edge of the highway when it reached in front of a small alley. The car couldn't get in so it had to stop there.

"Oh Allah, Nay. He was told to live in a nice and spacious place even choose in a narrow place like this. Hmm..." Devan was only shaking his head because of Nayla's behavior.

But why, stubborn Nayla even makes Devan more eager to approach him. Like there is a challenge that must be overcome.

With his hands on his phone, Devan kept his feet up. Indeed there is a sense of uneasiness to see the surrounding environment that is not as clean as in his home.

The muddy condition of the road is certainly also very disturbing his footsteps, he must try to continue to avoid so that the mud does not hit his expensive shoes.

"That's disgusting" he said.

Confused as well Devan was to himself, only for Nayla's sake was he willing to set foot in such a shabby place.

All just because of Nayla and for Nayla. Not knowing Nayla must be Devan wouldn't behave like that.

His eyes continued to look at the mobile phone where he could see where Nayla was now.

Just yesterday he could not find Nayla on the streets of the city because Nayla chose to live in a remote and seedy place like this. Nayla seemed to know how to avoid Devan because she knew Devan would not be possible to find in such a place.

But, because Nayla's a place like anything she'll go to.

Until finally Devan arrived in front of Nayla's house. Next to the street of Nayla house and next to the road again is the TK Harapan school where Ara school.

Devan looks confused because the spot is near him standing now but because the houses there are so dense make Devan confused where Nayla's house is.

Devan's confusion is seen by the rented mother who is waiting for her son Asthma. He quickly stepped up and approached Devan out of curiosity.

"Excuse me, who can I help?" tanyakanya.

Devan quickly turned his head and found the smiling rented mother greeting and offering help.

"Sorry, I'm looking for this woman did you ever see her?" Devan shows a photo of Nayla and Ara on his phone.

"Oh, mbak Nayla. Ma'am Nayla lives in this house. Is it her husband?" looks like a rented mother is happy to see Devan and of course immediately think that Devan is her husband.

"I_yes, Mom. Is Nayla_nya at home?" tanyakanya.

"It seems there is, Mas. It seems that Nayla is not healthy anymore. At school, Ara's face looked very pale and she left Ara on me" he explained.

"A_Ara school?" Devan looks surprised but looks happy.

"Yes, the school is here" he said by hand showing it to the Kindergarten school.

"Can I see him now?" devan's face looked so happy and could not wait to meet Ara.

Devan immediately ran after the rented mother nodded.

Devan's tears trickled when he saw Ara singing along with her friends clapping her hands.

"Fra! I'm coming!" scream mom contract.

As soon as Ara turned her head, her voice stopped with her hands also stopped moving.

"Dad!" Ara who was now wearing the same uniform as her friends immediately ran over to Devan and scattered into the arms of Devan who had kneeled.

Longing was truly poured out between the two of them, that closeness was what made everyone misjudge their status. So did Ara's teachers and hired mothers as well. Guess Ara and Devan really are father and son.

"Dad, Ara kangen same dad."

Not only did Mr. Devan shed tears of his happiness but Ara was also the same he had been sobbed in Devan's arms.

"Father also misses Ara," in the embrace more tightly and lovingly.

"Dad, father will stay again with Ara and mother," Ara released herself to see Devan's nodding face.

"Yes, we're going to stay together again" Devan said that because he wanted it.

"Dad, mother is sick. From the morning the mother did not want to eat Ara see the mother also cried continuously. Maybe you miss the same father so you cry." said Ara.

It was not because of the kangen that Ara said that made Devan speechless but because Nayla was crying. Crying because of what?

"Hem, Ara here first huh. Continue the school so I can see my mother."

Devan is increasingly curious and can't wait to meet Nayla to see what's really going on.

Ara nodded she also directly entered back into the school while Devan went straight to Nayla's house to see her condition immediately.

"Nay," called Devan when he wanted to enter but there was no answer.

"Nay," he called again but it remained the same.

Because there was no answer to make Devan just go in, he was very worried, of course, he was afraid that Nayla would faint again like before.

"Nay," Devan immediately approached Nayla who apparently slept in the middle room and only in a chair.

Devan sat on the edge of the chair Nayla was sitting on. Seeing how his face looked weak as well as pale. There were even tears in the corner of her eyes.

"Are you crying because of me, Nay? If I'm really sorry."

It was so painful to see such a fragile Nayla. His heart was broken even though he did not know what it was because of him.

Devan knelt down before Nayla to grab her hand until she finally found the answer that had made Nayla sad as she was now.

Devan found the testpack in Nayla's hands.

Devan's hand trembled as he took it, between joy and disbelief. Is it really going to be easy to be a father soon?

"I'm going to be a father?" So moved, his lips smiled but his tears flowed.

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