So In Love
EP. 08. Unwanted

I am comeback . . . .

Happy reading, tomorrow-tomorrow starts up regularly again. 😉

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The typical disinfectant smell of the hospital gushed in Shien's sense of smell once the girl regained her consciousness. With a slow movement, Shien opened his eyes, he blinked slightly to adjust the bright light that pierced through his net.

After the clear netra was able to adjust the light, Shien then circulated his gaze throughout the all-white room, then stopped on his left wrist that felt a little pained by the infusion needle that stuck there.

With heavy breathing, he moved his head to the right. He nodded slowly when he felt pain in his head.

The look on his face turned sad when his eyes caught a sleeping figure with his head falling on the side of his bed. Not Aunt Hilda or Fina, but her mother. Shien blinked his eyes, then he could see Aunt Hilda sitting on the sofa, the middle-aged woman was focusing on observing the screen on the flat object in her grasp, occasionally his flickering finger was busy scrolling the screen from the tablet he was holding.

Aunt Hilda who accidentally glanced and found her nephew was awake, she immediately moved from her seat to then walk closer to Shien's bed.

“You've made it, Shi?” Aunt Hilda showed her gentle smile accompanied by a step closer to Shien.

Mama who was disturbed by the sound of Aunt Hilda then moved to get up, then looked at Shien with a bitter look.

His hand was barely raised to stroke the head of his youngest daughter, but was lowered when Shien turned his face towards Aunt Hilda.

“Tante call doctor Nathan first, yes.” Aunt Hilda said as she moved out of Shien's nursery.

“You've fainted all night, Shi.” Mama said while holding back her tears.

“Mama is very worried about you.”

Shien flinching. His brain was filled with heartwarming thoughts that his mother was now beside him. Whether Shien was dreaming or not, he clearly saw his mother's face worrying about him.

Mom accompanied him when he fainted. Ck, not something Shien could have expected. He had thrown that hope away long ago.

In the past, maybe Shien would have loved to see Mama by his side like this, but not now. Shien was already used to his absence. In the past he often hoped Mama would come with him every time he was rushed to a hospital like this, especially when he would enter the operating room so cold and creepy. Shien always hopes that the woman who has given birth to him at least gives the word “Enchance, Mama wait for you here.” But nil, the woman never existed, even though she called Mama a thousand times.

“I can do it myself.” Shien brushed off Mama's hand that was about to help support her back as she was about to wake up. Mama who saw Shien's rejection just looked at him with a wounded look.

“You need something? Wanna drink? Mama fetakin, huh?” Mom asked, sounds a little awkward.

Shien fell silent. The presence of the mother who suddenly really makes her feelings mixed between longing, moved, sad, and disappointed come at once. Either Shien should behave like what in front of his mother now. Clearly, the disappointment in his heart towards the woman made Shien reluctant even to glance at her.

“Shi . . .”

“Doctor Nathan.” Shien stopped the movement of Mama's hand that was about to touch her arm when Aunt Hilda and Nathan's doctor came in to check on her condition.

“I'm fine, right?” Shien asked on the sidelines as Nathan's doctor injected something into his infusion tube.

Shien exhaled heavily when he saw the sad look on Nathan's face. Apparently, Shien's heart condition became worse when viewed from the expression of Doctor Nathan.

“Do not put on an anxious face like that.” Shien said as if being ridiculed because a doctor shouldn't be as expressive as that in front of his patients. Doctor Nathan is really weak-hearted.

“Shien, Actually . . .” Doctor Nathan looked at Shien with a sad look.

“I know everything. I don't have much time, do I?” Sambar Shien cuts off doctor Nathan's remarks. The girl said casually, but her tone clearly sounded sad.

“Shien, what are you talking about?” Aunt Hilda interjected, she looked at Shien dislike. It was as if he was speaking so carelessly. While Mama, she held back her cries as hard as she could to hear Shien's words. He knew Shien's condition wasn't as good as it seemed.

“Do not know, you are just exhausted.” Doctor Nathan wiped Shien's face so full that it made the girl snort angrily.

“I told you not to push yourself, why not be horrified?” Omel doctor Nathan later, he deliberately diverts the conversation. “Badgirls.” Shien glanced back as Nathan's doctor rubbed his face.

“Brave-how . . . .” Shien looked at Doctor Nathan with an annoyed look. However, the doctor just put on a look no matter. “Why?” Ask Dr. Nathan as he sticks out his tongue. Aunt Hilda who saw it just smiled amusedly, doctor Nathan is indeed good at diverting the atmosphere.

“Your hands are dirty.” Shien replied, he then rubbed his face using a blanket as if cleaning the dirt there.

“If you have healed, you will miss my hand.” Nathan's doctor said. Shien just squeaked amusedly hearing that.

“Belai jidatmu.” Shien grumbled indistinctly, still with his face down. Doctor Nathan who saw that just smiled amusedly, Shien was so adorable even with the look of a face like that.

“Shien, don't be so.” Aunt Hilda's reprimand saw the temperament of her very unfriendly nephew. However, Shien paid no heed to it at all. The girl was busy watching the doctor Nathan who was now putting a sneering expression on her by sticking out her lower lip while grinning. This doctor really sucks. Twenty-five years into his life, Shien had never found a doctor as weird as Nathan.

********

“Shi . . .” Calling Aunt Hilda made Shien who was focusing on her tablet turn her head. “Tante just can't get you. There are affairs in the office that can not be left.” Aunt Hilda looks a little sorry.

“Nothing, Tan. I'm used to myself, I'm okay too. The infusion is also released.” Shien replied subconsciously, making Mama who had just sat quietly on the sofa feel sad to hear it.

“Today your nemenin mom, Aunt go first.” Said Aunt Hilda while gently stroking Shien's hair before she then moved from the nursery of her nephew.

The atmosphere was very quiet after the departure of Aunt Hilda. Shien returned busy with his tablet, while Mama only silently watched the girl wearing the patient's clothes.

The middle-aged woman seemed hesitant to start the conversation. Because, Shien had ignored him since as if he was not there even though Mama tried to talk to him. If asked if she is sad or not? The answer is obviously sad, who would not be sad to ignore his own child? But he's not angry. Mama realized, Shien behaved like that is not without cause.

“Where to?” Mama reflexively asked and moved from her seat when she saw Shien coming down from her bed.

“I’m going to get some air.” Shien replied flatly without turning his head towards Mama in the slightest. He kept walking near the door.

“Shien, but mom wants bica . . .” Mama tried to hold Shien back, but the girl again paid no heed to him. Shien had even disappeared behind the door at this moment.

Mama again sat herself on the sofa, staring at the patient bed where Shien was lying.

His eyes closed with his tears falling. “Sorry Mom, Shien.” He said with a heavy voice.

Mama rubbed her wet cheeks as the sound of Shien's nursery door creaking rang out, she put on her smile, thinking Shien was back. Mama hurried up and stared at the door.

“Shi . . .” Mama's smile slowly faded as the one she got was not Shien, but her eldest daughter. Shannas.

The girl came in with a bouquet of red tulips symbolizing boundless love, a flower she and her sister had planted in the back garden of the house when she was a child. Shien liked it very much.

“Lho, Which shien, Ma?” Shanna asked with frowning brows as she did not find her sister there.

“Says you want to get some fresh air.” Answer the mother who sat back. Shanna was just a ria-ohh while stepping her feet near the nightstand to put the flowers she was carrying.

“Mama persuaded Shien to come home?” Ask Shanna. Mama did not answer, she just exhaled her heavy breath with a sad face.

From her mother's silence, Shanna could already guess the answer. “Shien won't talk to Mama.” Mama said then while smiling bitterly.

“Slow down, Ma.” Shanna approached Mama, then hugged her. The middle-aged woman's tears seemed to linger, recalling all the mistakes she had done to her youngest daughter.

“Let me help persuade him to come home.” Imbuh Shanna after releasing his embrace.

“Now I'm out first. Call me when Shien comes back.” Shien then moved from his seat.

“Lho, where are you going?” Mom asked with a confused frown.

“Do not disturb Prof. Blue, he's got a wife, Sha.” Reproof Mama.

“Part of you is not shameless, so girls really install it.” Added Mama. He was inexhaustible with his daughter this one, out of nowhere Shanna's attitude was so petty and shameless approaching every handsome man. But even so, none of them had ever been on her date.

“Not installments, Ma. That's the name of the effort to make the best of the best.” Shien quibbled, making Mama shake her head as she clucked amusedly at it.

“And Mama is calm, this time not Prof. Blue or someone else who has a partner. She is handsome and single.” Clearly Shanna then with sparkling eyes imagined the face of Heaven. His facial expression was like he had just gotten a new toy.

“Don't mess around Shanna.” Mama commemorates. Obviously, because of the age of the girl is not young anymore if you continue to play around.

“Mama calm down, this is the last one.” Sahut Shanna with confidence. Mama just looked at him in disbelief accompanied by an amused shout.

“I go first.” Pamit Shien as she passed from in front of Mama.

“You mending looking for your sister from obscure turbidity.” Mama half shouted as Shanna had already reached the doorway. But the girl didn't heed it at all.

********

Shien walked down the emergency staircase with shaky steps. Feeling his chest tight, he then chose to sit on one of the stairs with his head leaning on the stairs railing.

Shien was silent, then he smiled wryly. The sudden presence of his mother really made all the memories of his past play out in Shien's mind like a video.

Shien blinked his eyes while shaking his head, trying to get rid of the shadows on the faces of the two old men who were now filling his mind. The face that never again radiated the warmth that Shien had always expected during his life from those two parents. Moreover Papa.

Papa has always ignored Shien since he was convicted of having PDA (Patent Ductus Arterious/congenital heart defect) with wide openings causing heart failure caused by premature birth because he and Shanna were born prematurely. It is also associated with the condition and readiness of the baby's body that is not perfect. But even so, Shien's growth was not hampered, instead the girl grew well like a normal child in general.

Either Shien's perception was different about the parents' affection, but clearly, the one he knew from childhood his parents treated him very differently from his two brothers. He concluded that the fact that he had heart disease caused his parents to choose.

Previously, all the attention of his parents was only poured out on Shien. Mama will always accompany him as long as Shien undergoes homeschooling, accompany him when he enters the hospital, read fairy tales before going to bed, and others. Similarly, Papa who always invited him to play after he came home from work. However, it only happened until the age of six.

Due to being too focused on paying attention and taking care of Shien who continued to be sickly, often fainted and rushed to the hospital, this made his two other children Shawn and Shanna less noticed so there were problems with their school such as academic scores were very slumped.

As a result, her parents decided to hire a nurse and a nanny to care for and pay attention to Shien. At first, they hired nurses and nannies just to help because of the difficulty they shared in taking care of their three children.

But as time went on, Shien's parents became dependent and as if handed Shien over to the nanny completely. It was from then on that the interaction between Shien and his parents began to drift apart. Slowly, Shien loses the affection and attention his parents used to give him. Furthermore, only Shawn and Shannalah were given their full attention. Shien is left with a nanny. Everything Mama and Papa used to do, all taken over by the nanny's aunt.

Papa, who met him every day after work and asked Shien to tell him all the activities he had done while at home, did not do it again. Shien had welcomed Papa several times when he came home from work, but Papa ignored him. At first Shien thought maybe Papa was tired, he understood and thought about welcoming Papa the next day.

“Shien, go to the room and the same story aunty, yes.” That's what Papa always said once Shien greeted and asked Papa to listen to his story. In fact, he really wanted to tell the story of the story book he had just finished reading.

“The story is tomorrow, yes. Papa is tired today.” Persuade Papa, and Shien could only nod. While the man passed from before Shien towards Shawn and Shanna's room. It was always that way, until Shien stopped waiting for his father. The man never fulfilled his words.

Not only that, Mama who used to pay attention to him at all times also did not do that anymore. Every morning Mama would be busy taking care of her two brothers Shawn and Shanna who were about to go to school, then take her and wait for them to come home.

Not to mention if Shawn and Shanna do extracurricular or bimbel outside the school, surely the woman will come in the afternoon or at night. Shien no longer accompanied her as she homeschooled. Not only that, Mama also no longer accompanied him in the hospital when he fainted. Mama just simply asked her condition to aunt. In fact, at that time Shien whined that he wanted Mama to accompany him, but the woman could not come with the excuse of having to attend the stage of Shanna drama or accompany Shawn who was then participating in a swimming competition at his school.

“Shien same aunt first, yes. Later Mama comes . . .” That's how Mama calmed her down through the phone line. And Shien only believed it, even though Mama never came after that. In the end, Shien never again asked for Mama's whereabouts as he had to be treated in the smelly room with the drugs. He was getting used to being alone.

Shien becomes a lonely child and lacks affection all at once. Half a day spent studying with his homeschooling teacher, and the rest he spent reading as many storybooks as he could. It was solely Shien did to comfort himself, so that he could forget for a moment about the attitude of his parents who suddenly ignored him. There was nothing he could do but because he also had no friends, even though he wanted to play. Shien also did not know any children around his housing complex because he was banned from leaving the house.

Once he was sneaking out of the house because Shawn and Shanna invited him to play in the complex park. However, it ends with Shanna being injured from a fall being pushed by the children who are about to prank Shien. Despite the rancidity, Shanna is a good sister who is always ready to protect her sister.

“Papa said you were staying at home. Look at the consequences if you play outside, Shanna's brother gets hurt because of you. Your body is weak, which is why Papa forbids you from leaving the house. You can't protect yourself, Shien.” And this was the first time Shien had seen Papa angry at him, he was even aghast at the shock of having just Papa speak in a high tone.

No one defended her at the time because Mama was taking care of the injured Shanna.

Hearing Papa's words, Shien felt guilty towards Shanna. From that moment on he never wanted to leave the house again even though Shawn and Shanna took him.

Not only that, Shien also never participated in the events of the streets when the school holidays arrived. His parents are just busy taking Shawn and Shanna for a walk, while Shien is left at home fearing he is exhausted and suddenly collapses. After growing up, Shien can interpret Papa's remarks that he might not want the hassles of carrying a sick child like himself and could destroy family outings if he suddenly had a heart attack. Ck, Shien could only smile wryly.

“Wait for a healthy Shien, yes.” Mama always persuaded him with that phrase. And Shien realized, he could never walk around. When is he healthy?

“Later home Mama and Papa buyin new book for Shien.” For this one Mama did not lie, even Shien had a library in the room so many story books that he had. Well, maybe the storybook was a holiday replacement for Shien.

As if it wasn't enough, other than favoritism, Shien's parents increasingly ignored him and acted cold when Shawn lost his life while they were vacationing in the family villa.

At that time Shien was playing fetch wildflowers on the side of an artificial lake, but accidentally he dropped the beloved necklace that Papa gave him on his sixth birthday.

Seeing the sad face of his sister, Shawn gladly offers to search for Shien's necklace into the lake. At first Shien disapproves, but Shawn assures his sister that he is a great swimmer.

“You know, big brother champion one in swimming competition yesterday.” That was the last sentence he heard from his older brother Shawn, before the twelve-year-old boy threw himself into an artificial lake.

Long Shien waited, he continued to look towards the river with a feeling of anxiety. However, for more than an hour Shawn never came to the surface. Shawn's not back. He's already drowned.

Shawn's sudden departure clearly left both his parents in shock and disbelief. Obviously, Shawn is the only boy in the family who is expected to be a reliable successor to Papa Shien's automotive company. And then his hope just shattered. Shawn is no more.

“Take Shien instead.” Shouting Mama hysterical. It appears that the woman was being placated by Papa in the room. Whether conscious or not. He shouldn't have said such a thing. “Why should Shawn be taken?” Continue like an infidel.

Shien who accidentally heard that there was a spear that hit his heart, he felt his chest hurt a lot. Not because of a heart attack, but because of what he just heard from his mother's mouth.

Shien felt sad, indirectly Mama had already blatantly said that Shien was an unwanted child. Either Shien had misinterpreted it because he was only nine, but that was how he had interpreted it until now.

Not enough words Mama who so pierced his heart. At night Papa came to the room and scolded him all out. The man continued to blame Shien for what had happened to his older brother Shawn.

“See your sister, Shien. Papa told me you were home.” Shien simply looked down in fear seeing Papa scolding him.

“Why don't you hear Papa?” Papa even furiously shook his shoulder. Shien's getting scared. At that time he even prayed to God that he had a heart attack and fainted in order to avoid this situation. But, unfortunately, that didn't happen.

“Only because of this stupid necklace. Why would you trade Shawn's life for this?” Shien's body trembled even more as Papa threw Shien's necklace hard on the floor. The necklace was found in Shawn's hand, which had been stiffened when the boy was found.

“From the beginning you can only trouble others, Shien.” This time Shien was really like being stabbed by thousands of knives right in his heart even though Papa said that unconsciously.

“From now on, never again do you leave the house. And don't expect to be friends with anyone. You will only trouble them if you have it.” Add Papa before then he exits Shien's room and closes the door hard.

The words that Shien heard from the mouths of his parents back then really hurt his heart. Very sick, until the nine-year-old child was difficult to cry. Shien was also very sad and felt guilty for having lost his older brother, but neither Mama nor Papa should have said such a thing.

“Papa you don't mean it, dear.” The nanny aunt quickly walked over and hugged to calm the shocked little girl, Shien's face was pale at the time, as if blood flow had stopped flowing through her veins.

Shortly after, Shien lost consciousness and knew he was in the hospital.

As a result of the incident, Shien suffered psychological trauma until he had difficulty speaking (aphasia), the little girl continued to struggle with her sadness and blame herself. Sometimes he faints when bad memories of Shawn's death and all his parents say appear. However, Shien's state like this did not make his parents notice him. Let alone providing support, seeing that Shien's state in the hospital alone was not. They were still busy crying over the departure of their only son who had left, as if forgetting that Shien was also their daughter who still needed attention.

Seeing Shien's deteriorating state and in the absence of parental attention, the grandmother, Shien's concerned mother, finally decides to take Shien to live with him in America.

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To be continued . . . .

Continue tomorrow, yes.