Sincerity of Heart 2
Chapters 1. Disappointed (Ara)

I should have realized before. If it expects something from man it must be ready to swallow the bitterness of disappointment.

~Heart Graduation 2~

I looked at my face in the mirror. Then I looked at my appearance from head to toe. Looks like my appearance is pretty good. Today, I dropped the option on a dress made of jeans that I combined with a mauve-colored hijab. Looks like the color of the hijab I'm wearing really comes in with my skin. I smiled broadly.

"Perfect Ara's. You are beautiful" I said, winking my eyes. I want to tempt myself. Well, please be understood. Beautiful women are free. I grabbed my favorite handbag and got out of the room.

I smiled when I saw my parents and little Azka were waiting at the dinner table.

"Morning bun, morning pah." Sapaku kisses mom's cheeks and papah. Don't forget I kissed my adorable little sister's cheek too. Today is a Sunday. So they're all definitely home.

"Book to eat." Take papah while sipping coffee made by beloved mother.

"Where are you going?" now my sister is opening the conversation.

"Some, little boy don't need to know" I said with a big smile. My sister is very cool. Then accidentally my eyes met with the shady eyes of the mother. Only my mother always understood me.

"Alan?" ask Mommy. Don't you? Mommy always knows what I'm doing even though I never told her. All eyes were on me. If it's about Alan. Papa and my sister would be very sensitive. Alan was my best friend from childhood. We were very close, it could be said like letters and prankos. Where I am, Alan is there. His full name is Arlan Digantara.

"Emmm, yes bun." I nodded. I stared at the papah who was also looking at me.

"Ck, I don't agree with brother bang Alan. Yes, even though he's handsome and nice. But he was targeted by many women. Mending brother look for another." started my sister this one. Azka Mahesha Pratama's. The ice prince, yet he was so considerate and so loving.

"Ck, little boy, don't be pretentious" I said nudging his shoulder. After all, he knows how to be a person.

"I'm in high school, so I'm not a kid anymore" he said. I laughed when I saw her funny face. Oh my God, she's so adorable.

"What's the problem?" this time it was Papah who spoke. I looked at Papah seriously. If Papah has spoken, I don't dare to joke.

"Don't know the reward, Alan met. He said there was something important to say." I said trying to relax. I saw Papah and mother throwing eyes at each other. I don't know what they're thinking. It's true, last night I got a message from Alan. He wanted to meet me at the cafe where we used to hang out. I don't know what important issues he will be addressing.

"Pocus with your lecture Ara, do not think of anything else" said papah so firmly. I was confused as to what to answer. So I just nodded and smiled.

"Yes already, continue eating again" said mother. We continued our breakfast quietly.

After I finished eating, I immediately say goodbye "Ara pahit, bun." I said kissing papah and mother's hands.

"Assalamualaikum" I said riding into my favorite car. This car is a gift from papa because I can graduate High School in 2 years. I am so happy to have a father and mother who love me so much. So there is no reason for me to be sad.

I waved my hand when I saw my mother and papah still staring at my departure. Look, even they worry about me so much. I love you pah, bun. I love you so much.

I pressed my car horn in annoyance. Why the road must be jammed anyway, even though the cafe where I used to sit with Alan only stayed a few meters. I saw the clock in my hand. Oh my god, I'm dead. Alan would be so angry if I was one second late.

I ran with all my might so as not to be late. But baby like her I'm late. At the door I could see Alan waiting for me. She smiled so sweetly when she saw me. I immediately approached her.

"Too late by 10 seconds" he said flatly. I smiled and sat in front of him with my breath still broken.

"Sorry, it was jammed in the front" I said putting my handbag on the table. Alan clucked in annoyance. Oh my God, did he see my appearance? Is that ugly. Why is his expression so strange.

"What's wrong? Ugly huh?" ask me.

"No, you're still beautiful" she said, which made me very embarrassed. He has never praised my appearance. I don't know what got into him.

"Ah, what's wrong? He said he wanted to say something important." asked me excitedly. Because I was very curious. Alan looked at me. My heart beats so fast. Oh my God, what is this?

"I like you, will you marry me?"

"A... Alan what do you mean?" suddenly I was very nervous.

"Damn!! Do I look nervous?" he said with an expression that could not be interpreted. Whatdoes thatmean? Why did he ask back.

"Ma.. Mean you?"

"I like a girl. I plan to propose to her today."

Jem! Like a thousand daggers through my heart. My chest feels tight.

My breath's choked. It turns out I've been wrong all along.

'Stupid fundamentals. How could he like you. Friend, I should have realized that a long time ago. He just thinks you're a best friend, nothing more than Ara.'

I try to keep smiling. Don't let Alan know what I'm thinking right now. I allowed my sitting position to be more comfortable.

"Who?" ask me so curious. I also kept my smile, I wanted to look as happy as possible. It hurts so bad, if I could right now I would love to cry. But that's not possible for me to do. I don't want to make this friendship break.

"You'll know, he'll be there soon" Alan said. I keep smiling. I'm confused what else to say. Both of my hands were firmly adrift, sweat began to drench my palms. Why am I so nervous?

"Will he accept me?" alan looked at me.

"Yes, he will definitely accept you. You are handsome, kind and polite. Well, even a little bit of a bitch." I said honestly. Alan is very handsome, tall, kind, his son is also polite. It's just that he's so cute. Any woman would be very happy to have a lover like Alan. She's clever. Well even though my intelligence with him is not much different. Alan has always been my class rival. Even though he's better than me. But I'm no less smart than him.

"Ahhhhh... I hope so," he said. He looks nervous. I smiled when I saw her funny face.

"Pull your breath, calm down. Don't be so nervous. You'll make it." I said to encourage Alan. As a friend, I will support whatever Alan's decision is. Even though I have to bury my feelings as deeply as possible.

"Thank you Ra, you want to be my best friend" Alan said, holding my hand. I can only nod with a big smile. In fact, my heart hurts so much. What if I can't hold back my tears anymore?

"Ah that's him." pointed it out with vigor. Alan began to justify his sitting position. He also made his clothes. I looked up because I was very curious. I was very surprised when I saw the person Alan was referring to.

"Damn?" my broom. There's a sense of disbelief in me. Jihan is one of the beautiful models who is also a student in the same department as me. As far as I know, he's been targeted so much by men. Alan is also one of them.

"Fuck? Are you here too?" jihan looked at me and Alan alternately.

"Aren't you, I'm just for a minute. I met Alan here by accident. I'm going back, Lan. Assalamualaikum." said I who immediately left. I purposely gave time to Alan and Jihan. Let Alan have his future. I'd be happy if Alan was happy.

***

I shook my body at the head of the car seat. I touched my chest which felt very tight.

"What am I thinking? I've been too far away hoping." I looked straight ahead. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. But the clear details still escaped the defense. I can't hold it anymore. My chest is really tight.

My cry broke, I cried alone in the car. The matter in my heart grew more and more as Alan's face flashed through my mind .

"Remember, don't expect too much from humans. It'll just make us sick. Show all our love to Him. God willing our hearts will always be calm and happiness will always be in us. Do not love man more than His love. Remember mother's message dear." Mother's words were again ringing in my memory.

"Ara understands now mom. Ara apologized for forgetting my mother's words. Ara apologize, God." I said as hiccups. I feel like I'm really stupid. I have loved man more than my love for the Lord.

'Forgive Ara, O God. Ara won't repeat it. Ara beg for mercy.' I said in my heart.

I'm trying to win my heart. I ask forgiveness for all my mistakes. After beristigfar. I feel my heart a little calm. I drove my car home. I want to rest to calm my mind.