Sincerity of Heart 2
Chapter 3. I Love Him (Alan)

Day by day my life was getting empty. He, who is always beside me. Now start to move away. I don't know why he's staying away from me. I think my life is really a mess. There's something missing, but I don't know what it is.

The shadow of what happened a few days ago came back to play in my mind. The incident where I had to swallow a sense of disappointment because I had hoped so big. I ended up falling into a hole I dug myself.

The flashback

I stared at his disappearance, until he was no longer visible behind the door.

"Alan!!" call someone who is already sitting in front of me. God, I forgot my goal. I smiled at the beautiful girl who was staring at me.

"Emmm.. Jehan. There's something I want to say." I said trying to look calm. I pull his hand into my hand. I could see he was very surprised.

Jihan Almira's. She was a beautiful girl who made me fall in love. Any man will surely melt with the beauty he has. Including me, I've fallen for him. I'm getting attracted to her when so many men want to have this girl. I want to be among that man too. Because I'm sure I'll always be the winner among all the men who chase after him.

"Alan, what do you want to say?" again he broke my daydream.

"Emmm... Jihan, I like you a lot. I want you to always be by my side. Will you be my wife?" I said out loud. My heart raced great. I could also see the shock in his eyes.

"Emmm.. Alan, are you kidding me?" he said he pulled his hand from mine. I smiled and pulled his hand back. This time I held it tight.

"I'm not kidding Jihan. I like you a lot. So you want to be my wife?" I said looking into his eyes. What a beautiful creation, O God.

"Sorry Alan, I can't accept that." I was very surprised to hear what he said.

"We're young Alan, I still want to enjoy my youth. Maybe I'll accept if you want to be my girlfriend. But to be a wife. I can't. You know that, right? I'm a model. I still want to enjoy my career. So I'm sorry lan, I can't." those words were like spears that pulled out my chest. So I'm rejected? Disappointment began to creep into my heart.

"Emmm... Maybe we can go out first?" continued. That's not what I wanted, I never thought about dating. I want to be serious.

"Dating? It doesn't seem to be able to. I never thought about dating. I don't want us to go down the wrong path. I'm serious about my love, Jihan. Your career problems. I'm not gonna get in the way of that. After we get married, you can still enjoy your career." I said to reassure him.

"Can't be Alan, even now you're not working. And... And. "I wait for him to continue his words.

"And what?" ask me.

"And I hear you're not Digantara's real son. It will definitely affect my reputation."

I was silent when I heard his honesty. He's right, I'm just an adopted son of my family. Son of a woman of papa's past. Ah, she reopened my almost dry wound.

"I understand. It seems we are not suitable. It doesn't matter, you don't have to feel guilty. I accept your decision." I said smiling. He looks agitated. Maybe he feels bad for me.

"Alan, I'm sorry." said Jihan holding my hand. I nodded and clapped his hand.

"I'm doing fine. It's ok, enjoy." I said. Jihan smiled. It seems he was relieved. I can see her tense face is back as usual.

Flashback off

Huh. I took a deep breath. Failure will be history in my life. I looked at the ceiling of the room carefully.

Hold still. Why am I not sad at all?Not everyone will be sad when their love is rejected. Why don't I worry about that at all. I'm just disappointed that this is the first time I've failed in my life.

"Damn... " I tried to say his name and I held my chest. No vibration at all.

"Damn." I tried again. Equally, there is still no vibration in my chest.

"Ara." I said. I was so shocked, my chest trembled and there was a warm feeling that enveloped my heart. Waitaminute! Why did I mention his name. Nope-no. This is impossible. I can't possibly love that little girl. But....

"Fra... Ara... Ara. "yet your lips called his name. I woke up from my sleep. I took photos that decorated my room for years. My picture with Ara a few years ago. The photo was taken while we were on vacation at the top. I scrutinized the face of the girl photographed carefully. Well-favoured. I just realized that, she was very beautiful while smiling.

Ara's shadow smiled, angry, crying and pouting I turned on my head. She's so cute and adorable. Her eyes were shady, thin lips that always let out funny words. Cheeks that always blush when he is embarrassed, angry or when he is hot. All of this has not escaped my memory.

Akhh... I've gone mad. His face kept turning in my head.

"It turns out a long time ago I loved you Ara. How stupid I didn't realize it all." I dropped my body back on the mattress. I closed my eyes. The first thing I saw was his face. He smiled at me.

"Fra... Ilove you.. I love you ARAAA." I shouted. I'm very happy. My heart warms back. I'm not gonna lie to myself. I admit, I love that girl. L loved her. My feelings for Jihan might just be an obsession. I just want others to know that I'm always so far above them. How stupid of me.

"So I love you..."

***

Ah that's him. I ran to chase him. He opened the car door and went in. But I quickly held him back.

"Alan? What the hell is playing pull. If Ara falls, how do you keep chafing?" when she found out I was pulling her hand. She's so adorable.

"I am the medicine. It's chatty." I said nosed his nose. Look, how funny it is when her nose is flushed because of me.

"Youngaaaaaa... Alan's red fig cue." he yelled quite loudly. I was so freaked out, if someone else heard I would think something like that.

"Shhuut, don't shout. People will think I'm okay with you again." I said annoyed. He looks like he's puckered his lips. Oh my god, that's so adorable. I really want to pounce on him right now. Ck, I'm still sane. So I can't possibly do that.

"What's wrong?" ask her ketus while stroking her nose. I pulled him into my arms. I could feel his body stiffening. He must have been very surprised. I don't care if he gets angry, right now I just want to hug him.

"Ih Alan, don't hug Ara. Kasian knows Ara's future husband, cook yes rations you take. Alan's evil." he pushed me and a little bit away. I was so confused by his attitude that had really changed.

"Ck, who's the guy who wants to be like a kid like you. Basic." I said.

Uh, did I speak wrong? He's down. Is she crying? Guilt began to envelop my heart.

"Ra, I'm sorry. I don't mean... "

"No, Lan, you're right. Where there is a guy who wants to be with me, I am childish, chatty and kupel. Very much the same girl out there" he said. She was right to cry. I saw her tears fall. And what he said. Stupid jerk. Who says no one likes you? I like you, I like everything you have.

"Sorry I'm a crybaby?" he said with a sweet smile.

"Ck, I'm sorry too" I said, hugging her again. But he immediately avoided. This is not the Ara I know. Ara never refused if I hugged.

I stared at him long enough. I was very disappointed with his attitude that began to change.

"You changed Ra, I noticed now you're avoiding me a lot. Did I hurt you, Ra?" ask me. I want to make sure he's not mad at me.

"It's not so Lan, mother said we're adults. So we have to keep our distance, I don't want any misunderstandings if we get too close. I hope you understand." she smiled again. But what did he say? I don't understand at all. We weren't really very close before. Even if I can, I want our relationship to be closer.

"I should be home by late afternoon. Congratulations on your success. May you always be happy. Assalamualaikum."

What'd he say? The success? Whatdoes thatmean? Ah, I remember. This must be Jihan's problem. Has he changed because of this? Maybe she has feelings for me too. Oh my god, if that's true. I'm very happy.

"You're wrong Ra, I failed. I failed Ra.. You've changed... You're getting away from Ra." I said staring at his disappearance.

"But I'm not giving up. I'll get you Ara, you'll be mine forever. That's my promise." I carved a smile on my lips. I left the place with a raging feeling. My spirit is back on fire. I'll definitely have that crybaby girl. And tied her up in my life.