Sincerity of Heart 2
Chapter 21. Make Me a Whole Wife (Ara)

Where'sisthis? Why is the place so foreign? Since when have I been here? Whose room is this?

I looked around him, but everything looked so foreign. Suddenly, a hand rolled around my stomach. I smiled, it must be Alan. I quickly turned my body.

Astagfirullahal. Why her? Where's Alan? I pushed his body violently. How could he be in this room with me?

"Alan!" I screamed as loud as I could, I hoped Alan would show up and take me away from here. I'm a little bit away from that guy. Fear began to envelop me.

"Why are you calling someone else's name. It's just the two of us here, tonight's gonna be a beautiful night for us baby." she walked over to me. I'm getting confused. What does he mean?

"Don't come near. Just go! Alan, where are you?" yell again. I ran towards the door. But the door is locked. I panicked until a hand came back around my stomach. I struggled and tried to let go of his hand. I'm so scared. Alan, please save me. I beg.

"Let go, don't touch me. Release."

"Ara." the man tightened his embrace. I'm really freaked out. Oh God, please protect Ara. Alan, where are you?

"Take me off, let go. I beg you." I tried to let go of that hand that was getting tighter and tighter in my arms. How could he have touched me? What if Alan knew, he would hate me so much. Everything in me belongs to Alan. Not this guy.

"Ara, I love you so much."

I panicked more and more as the hand started to shake my hair and it didn't...

"Alan's... Helpme. I beg you, let go.release. "my yelling is getting rebellious.

"Fra..Ara..." Alan, that's Alan's voice. I banged on our door as hard as I could.

"Alan, I'm here. Help me Alan. I'm scared." What's the matter? Why is my voice getting smaller. Oh my God, what really happened? Ara was very scared. As much as I could, I kept thrashing for the man to let me go. I closed my eyes and hoped Alan would come to my aid.

"Ara, baby. Awake, Ara..."

I open my eyes slowly. Where'sisthis? Why is it different from the place before.

"You're dreaming?" I looked at that face. Yeah, it's Alan. I hugged him tightly. My fear has disappeared.

"Alan, where are you going? Ara scared, just now... "

" Sheight... It was just a nightmare. We're sleeping again yeah, it's still night."

Alan pushed my body slowly. He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead so softly. Then I remembered the man again. So it was just a dream? Why is it like real? If that's the case, no Ara. It was just a dream.

I looked at Alan. He smiled while stroking my cheek. I put my hands together which made me feel safe and comfortable.

"A.. Alan. Ara was scared." I said back to hug her. The shadow kept passing.

"Not to be afraid, I'm here" he said stroking my back.

"Alan, can Ara ask you something?" ask me while tightening my arms. Maybe this is the right time to talk to her.

"See what, baby? Say."

"Fuck, Ara... Make Ara your full wife. Ara please." I said. My crying broke again in her arms. I don't care what Alan thinks anymore. If I could, tonight I would give myself completely to my husband. I don't want anyone else to touch me.

Why isn't Alan talking? Doesn't he want to do it? Butwhy?

"Alan, if Alan really loves Ara. Please make Ara your full wife tonight." I asked again. If Alan doesn't want to do it, he has to talk about why.

"Sorry Ara, I can't" he said pushing my body slowly. I looked at him fixedly. I wonder what the reason is.

"I'm sorry, I'm not ready" he said, leaving immediately. But I quickly held her hand.

"Tell me the reason clearly Alan. If your reason is because we haven't graduated, I'll bear the risk Alan. I'm just scared, I'm afraid of Alan." I looked at him who was still behind me.

"I'm sorry" he said, letting go of my hand and immediately leaving. What's wrong with him? What's the real reason Alan won't want to take me down? I want to know clearly.

Oh God, what are you really planning? Please give the servant a little hint, so that the servant does not have a bad relationship with the husband of the servant.

I stared at the thing that was curled up on my ring finger. Is this all fake? Why does everything confuse me. Does Alan really love me? Does he really want to spend his life with me? But why, why did he make me rethink that Alan didn't love me.

I remembered Alan's words. He knows if I love him. Did he marry me out of pity? And he doesn't really love me. Mother, what should Ara do?

I don't know how many hours I've been crying. Right now I just want to rest because my eyes are tired. I pulled out a blanket to cover my entire body. Why is it so sick, God?

I closed my eyes slowly. I hope that Alan will talk tomorrow and explain everything.

***

When I open my eyes. I didn't find Alan at all. I touched the pillow. No more warmth. So Alan's not back.

I got out of bed. I saw the wall clock. O Allah, I pray late at dawn. I went straight to the bathroom to get some water.

After I finished the prayer, I went out. Maybe Alan's downstairs.

"For Ra's brother, which Alan's brother? Brother's eyes why are they swollen?" ask Arin who just came out of the room. I just answered with a smile.

"Snob down first" I said immediately leaving Arin. I know, she must be confused. I'm not in the mood to talk right now.

I climbed down the stairs lazily. My spirit's gone somewhere. I really want to stay in the room. But that won't get the problem resolved. I also walked to the dining room. My mom was already there.

"Dear baby, let's have breakfast first." said mama. I nodded and sat down in the usual place.

"Oh yeah, Alan said he had a sudden business. He's talking to you, right?" my mother managed to surprise me.

"Em, not yet ma. Maybe Ara was still sleeping." I said a little nervously. I don't want you to know that Alan and I have a little problem.

"Owh, yes, I have. Mama in the room first, take care of your papa first." said mama. I nodded and smiled.

"For non. That's non why puffy eyes? Not crying out?" ask aunt while pouring juice in my glass.

"No, Ara is used to this" I said lying. I sipped the juice slowly.

"Non doesn't have to lie to bibik. Every household there must be a non ordeal. What's more recently married, bibik was never also in a non position. It's just that everyone responds differently. You don't have to be patient. We as wives must be good at dealing with problems in the household. God willing, everything is safe, not."

I could only smile in response to the aunt's words. How could auntie know Alan and I were having trouble.

"I know den young from small, he is like that if there is a problem. He'll be alone for some time. So don't worry, soon the young go home anyway." added bibik. Hah, I think I already know very well what my husband is like. But it turns out that there is something more to understand about him.

"Yes bik, thanks for the advice. Ara will try to fix every problem that comes." I said back gulp juice. I breathe out slowly.

"Bik, Ara said goodbye to the room first. If you ask, let's just say Ara has breakfast. There's something Ara has to do." I said getting up from my seat.

"But non, do you need to bring food to the room?"

"No need to make, Ara also has to be kampus" I said immediately to leave. My appetite was suddenly lost when I heard Alan leaving without saying goodbye to me.

I dropped my body on the bed.

Why is it like this anyway? Am I wrong, right? But Alan was also wrong, why did he not explain everything in detail. If it's like this I'm confused.

"Maybe I should give Alan some time. Already, I have to go to campus." said I who immediately went to the bathroom.

If Alan comes home, I'll ask him nicely.

'Remember, in every relationship there will be pebbles that we have to pass. Communication and trust are the most important things. Never make your own decisions and conclusions. Discuss and respond with a cold heart.'

Mother's words before I married first, now back ringing. Mother's right. I'll wait for Alan to come home. Everything can't be too long and drawn out. I think I should apologize. It's all because of that dream. May it be just a nightmare and not a sign of anything.