Bella's Script
Did I just say it?

Bella POV

Finally, this hard day is over. Yeah, I said it was a tough day because today I kind of regained all my emotions and tried to take it with a big chest. They have all come back, angry, sad, upset, happy, moved and other feelings that make me feel like half the soul that complements my psychic has returned. That feeling of touch I felt again.

But there was one thing missing, namely the negative energy that had been piled on my shoulders to make me feel always weak. Feeling defeated by ego and my own circumstances until I thought nothing good had happened in my life. Today I won, yes I won against myself and managed to make peace with the situation. The phrase "I'm fine" I really feel completely. No pretence.

Akh, it feels relieved to be able to move this light leg now. This feeling made me unhesitatingly walk comfortably in the direction I knew I had to go.

Devan's car is right in front of me with a distance of about 2 or 3 meters, maybe. The glass of the car that is not too dark makes me able to see the silhouette of Devan's figure clearly. My randomness, I paused for a moment and looked at the figure of the man in the car while holding him in my arms with my four fingers, 2 index fingers and two thumbs forming a box.

I point back and forth like I'm zooming in and zoom out at Devan. One of my eyes pinched like I was clutching it. One picture I found, Devan was pensive. I'm sure the man was looking at his laptop while thinking. I can be sure because there is a light bias inside the cabin that makes Devan's silhouette look very clear.

Hahahha, sometimes I am this serandom. I can also imagine sitting like that Devan must be seriously thinking. He supported his chin with his right hand while stroking his chin which was overgrown with fine hair from the sidebar to the beard. His lips were definitely slightly pursed with eyebrows linked together. His left eyebrow is higher than his right eyebrow. Not lagging behind his sharp eyes staring at the laptop screen. If his laptop screen had a life, he must have misbehaved.

That's how I describe someone's expression when I make a story. And from today on I feel grateful that Devan has become a real part of my life story script. I admit he's in my script and plays an important role. I call him one of the main characters.

For daydreaming I forgot that Devan had been waiting for me for a long time. Never mind the vague smiles and random things I do. I fastened my footsteps to get to the car.

“Tok-tok-tok.”

I knocked on the car's glass door to signal Devan's arrival. I did it deliberately because maybe what he saw was a privacy thing that should not be seen just anyone, including me. I appreciate that. Just like Devan gave me privacy, I did the same. I respect this man.

I saw his hands outstretched trying to open the door from the inside.

“Hay!” Greet her when the car door opens and I show my face.

“Hay.” I answered while smiling. I don't know why my chest suddenly thumped faster just from seeing him smile while looking at me full of attention.

I need to say, that these are two new reflexes that I had when Devan noticed me. Smiling lips and a trembling heart. Don't know since when I had these two reflexes.

“Thanks is waiting. Sorry earlier Inca said she wanted to come see brother but it was not so because his bokapnya ngundang he came home.” I remember sitting in the car.

“It’s okay, no problem.” His dream was relaxed. Seeing him smile after waiting for me for a long time, made me not be misbehaved. I confirmed again my sitting position so as not to look clumsy. My heart trembled and there was a sultry sensation until I reflexively fanned my hot face.

“Oh sorry, I forgot.” Devan immediately turned on the car's AC after starting the engine. Maybe he thinks I'm angry.

“Oh, thanks.” I was wrong again. I immediately stopped the act of fanning my own face, apparently the smallest thing I did, Devan noticed and responded. It's difficult for him, isn't it?

He just smiled at me.

"There's still work?" I glanced at the laptop that was still on its lap.

"Emmm just an email confirmation. Oh yeah Bell, there's something I should tell you about." He closed his laptop and turned his attention to me.

"Yes?" I wonder what he'd say. I stared back at her face but did not last long as our eyes met. Gilla, this gives me goosebumps, even though we've often talked as close and as close as this. What's wrong with me?

"Gue don't know, it's exactly or not I'm talking about this right now lo." He was talking seriously and I was scared.

"About?" I can't wait, Devaaannn... You want to say what the hell? I grumbled in my heart.

He sighed in making me have to hold my breath. Heeeyyyy!!! Don't make me not karuaaannn...

"There's an offer from my company, make Ozi."

Damn it, my breath blows rough after knowing what Devan is going to discuss. It's not about us anymore.

"Ehm?" I'm trying to calm down.

"He offered cooperation for the 3D light exhibition project in Singapore. But ozi refused because he was not sure he could menggelesein this project with his condition now. Though previously he seemed enthusiastic when applying for cooperation. How do you think?" Devan is serious.

I was stunned for a moment to see the dense netra staring at me. I'm getting less and less. The shadow of bang Ozi also now filled my mind.

"It's only natural that he changes his mind. His focus at the moment is not on work but on himself. But I'm sure that doesn't mean he won't."

"Now we appreciate the choice, after everything is done, my brother is back healthy, we support him from the beginning. Don't let my brother's rejection hinder your work. Brother wouldn't like that. Guilt will be very high." My light is what it is.

Devan understood. His calm demeanor was like the pounding of the waves that slowly washed over my body and gave me the calmness to freely express my thoughts. Devan has always been like this.

"Okey, I agree." Legally.

"Okey." I chimed in with a feeling of relief.

My attention shifted, I noticed the surrounding environment, the distance of Devan's car with another car parked next to him, worried about nudging. But Devan was very shrewd, with a single round of steering, the car made it out of the parking area.

Wait, why am I watching? Though usually when I'm sitting in the passenger seat, my focus will move on the phone to check messages and calls that may be missed or I haven't had time to read because of hectic with work. But this time my habits were different. Looking at the display of the cell phone that I only used to send messages and call, no longer interesting on appeal, noticed someone sitting next to me.

Hahahaha.Yes, I so often pay attention to the one beside me while holding a smile.

As I admitted earlier, while training with Rangga earlier, I was like making a big leap in my heart, mind and mind.

Since the start of the scene, I kept trying to remember all the memories I had with Rangga. The first time we met, the trembling feeling of Rangga expressing love, the fun things I did with Rangga until the worst moment was when Rangga betrayed me.

My brain deliberately turned to remember all those memories to help me gather emotions while playing the character Minara that I created. But it didn't work. Even though all those memories were spinning in my head, I felt nothing.

For a moment I was worried. Yeah, I'm so worried I'm gonna fail. Afraid I can't get my emotions out. Seeing Rangga's eyes looking at me sharply then turned sad, not even making my heart pound in the slightest. I am so foreign to my own feelings. I didn't feel anything for Rangga, even if it was anger.

I don't know exactly when that feeling started. However, a few months apart from Rangga, I started to find my own comfort. I no longer sleep late at night just because I'm waiting for news from someone I'm worried about while he's not thinking about me. I began not to enjoy the sweet foods that I often consume just to maintain my mood to stay good after succumbing to ego Rangga. I can travel to many places without worrying that Rangga suspects me. I also began to lengthen my hair after I cut it short because of my annoyance.

The changes I made to myself were no longer for Rangga, but for myself. I don't even care if my current look doesn't appeal to Rangga and I don't meet the demands of the beauty standards that Rangga makes. Me, I can love myself more right now.

However, things were different when I accidentally saw Devan. Just looking at the look in her eyes made me feel so ungodly. I haven't recall any of my stories with Devan because our stories are only a few, not worth making memories. He gave me a better picture of myself. It was me who wanted me to hurt because of my own disappointment.

Devan is different,

Seeing him look at me made me feel all sorts of emotions. Emotions I've been holding back and not showing.

At that point I felt like I was awake. I began to recognize my feelings. I could feel Minara's sadness, but I no longer felt my own sadness when Rangga chose Amara. I can feel the eternal feelings of Minara but no longer feel my eternal when remembering how I lived the day without Rangga. I could also feel a sense of whipping when I imagined how persistent Michael was to fight for Minara but I no longer felt anything for Rangga's efforts to fight for me.

Wait, fighting me? Has Rangga ever done it for me?

Doubtful. Yes I doubt.

At that time I realized, my feelings for Rangga had actually long since disappeared. I wasn't crumpled in the slightest with Rangga's tears but I was deeply moved just by imagining Michael's teary eyes crying over Minara. Michael is just a fictional character I created.

Mamah is right. Once the love is gone, all that remains is a deal. But for me, the deal is not just with our partner but a deal with ourselves. When am I ready to stop remembering Rangga? When am I ready to accept that Rangga is only the past? When will I be ready to make peace with myself? Because in the end mengikhlaskan someone starts with the readiness to accept new people without thinking about the past.

It all started today. The fear was gone when I saw the look in the eyes of the man beside me.

The man I looked at with feeling.

The man who always had the initiative towards me.

A man who has many plans to protect me.

A man who fights starts from the small things to the big things for me.

A man who respects my every choice.

Like the ocean waves, Devan can be soothing and can be very rumbling depending on my condition, depending on my needs. But I know her feelings never changed for me.

And slowly, the fear disappeared.

I could sigh in relief after going through the inner upheaval this afternoon. I silently looked at the man beside me. The man who makes my hair bristles and makes me smile.

“Do you want to say something*?*” Ask suddenly.

"Huh?" I was shocked by his question.

He glanced at me with a small smile. My mind is empty. Where and how do I start? What am I supposed to say?

*****

The continuation?

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