Bella's Script
Can't be like this

Coming home, that's a decision Bella made today. With Devan in between, he entered the house although still very hesitant. The man walked behind Bella, staring at every step Bella took.

For a while Bella stood in front of the door, as if she was very hesitant to enter.

“They lo Bell family,.” watered Devan from behind.

Bella just nodded her head and took a deep breath to gather all her courage to face Saras and Ozi.

Devan was right, he should not run away from his family, no matter how complicated the problems he faced.

Opening the door of the house, it felt really cold from the AC that greeted him. The house is quite spacious while the occupants are only 2 people certainly give a lot of space for cold air to gather. Walking more and more inside, there was the sound of spoons and forks clashing slowly with each other in the typical voice of a gossip news host.

The voice stopped immediately when Saras and Ozi saw the arrival of Bella who was pecking at her place. Ozi quickly turned off his phone and was about to move. But not as fast as Saras's hand held him.

“Honey,,” welcome Saras with her smile of gloom. Looking at the sad face of her daughter, which heart of mother is not sliced.

Quickly he approached Bella, looked at her for a while with teary eyes and then he hugged Bella tightly. There was a cry that tried to stop in front of Bella who did not even flinch.

“Udah eat son, hem?” He asked softly, full of anxiety.

Bella did not nod or shake.

“Mamah already masakin favorite food adek, we eat yuk..” Take him and let go of his embrace.

“Adek not laper mah, want to go to room aja.” As soon as Bella's voice was heard.

Saras breathed deeply and was held in tears, like a lump of rock was sticking up his glottis. In the rubbing of Bella's face full of affection as she looked on with great sadness. The eyes of the moon are soft, do not dare to clash with the eyes of Saras full of anxiety.

“Iya son,” he said in a trembling voice. Seeing Bella like this it felt like she wanted to cry. How can the man he tried to give a chance even load Bella destroyed.

Ozi who was eating immediately stopped what he was doing. He put spoons and forks on the left and right sides, his appetite was gone. Then he stood up to Bella who was about to leave.

“Lo eat first.” His loud voice was clad in anxiety.

“Gue no laper.” Bella shook her head confidently without daring to stare at the exact face of Ozi in front of her.

“Lo haven't eaten, want me a bribe, hem?” Ozi took out his plate violently making his spoon and fork drop.

“Traaanggg...” Her voice is very loud.

“Gue is not hungry bang, I am not lapaaarrrr..” Bella shrieked in tears that finally broke.

Without saying a word Ozi put the plate in her hand. He grabbed Bella's body for her to hug.

“Lo can't be like gini deck. This is not the Bella I know.” He said with a trembling voice.

“Gue no laper bang, please I am not laper..” timpal Bella with a cry of a hiccup. I don't know how many kinds of feelings were whipping in his chest.

Ozi does not stop. He further tightened his embrace, while looking up to hold back the pace of his tears that fell.

In the corner, Saras was crying.

“There can be no men crushing lo deck. You can choose any man you want. But lupain Rangga.” Ozi rubbed Bella's head in love. His voice is still stammering.

“Lo tau, here also there is Devan. The man who can take care of you."

"Lo can marry him and I'll make sure he'll take care of you for the rest of his life. Isn't that bro?” This time Ozi's red and wet eyes turned to stare at Devan.

The man was just glued. Ozi's sudden question left him unable to think.

“LO CAN KEEP BELLA RIGHT VAN??!!!” Ozi's bluff that makes Bella and Saras stunned.

“NGGAK!” It was Bella who answered Ozi's question.

He pushed Ozi's body away from him, then looked at Ozi with a broken feeling.

“Lo can not stop humiliating me bang?” His words were mixed with tears.

“This one time just ignore me. You don't have to wriggle me who was ruined because of my choice and you don't have to force others to look after me.”

“Gue has been quite embarrassed by you and mamah, very embarrassed. Don't make me more embarrassed by Devan or other men.” Bella's voice sounded stammering.

"Lo why do you always think in your own way?!" This time Bella looked at Ozi with her wet and red eyes.

"Lo always acts like he knows what I need the most. You do what you want to do. Saying what's on your mind without ever lo nanya, how do I feel now? What I want now. WHY BANG?!!!!"

"Don't because you know me, you make your feelings as a ruler to measure my feelings. You don't know anything!" bella exclaimed with her hoarse voice.

His lips trembled withstanding the cries, but his eyes failed to hold any descending circles.

“Gue will not die just because it is not with a man, but I..”.

“AKH **!!” Grunts Bella was unable to continue her sentence.

He chose to pass away, leaving Ozi and Devan in his place and Saras weeping in his chair. Bella refused to argue. No matter how he spoke, no one would understand him. Everything is free, everything is in vain.

He left without saying anything more.

“Abang just want to entertain adek mah, no intention to embarrass him..” Ozi who then fell in his place.

Bella, his favorite daughter. How much she and Saras could only cry.

******

Bella POV

What's wrong with today is that I don't feel like today is 24 hours. There's been too much going on but it's only been 9 p.m. I can't sleep. As usual, I just sat in the corner of the room hugging my two feet that were tired of walking.

I felt like every corner of the room was looking at me. The pictures on the wall laughed at me. And in my head just spinning the shadows of Rangga, Rangga and Rangga.

I'm frustrated. I remmas my head that continues to rotate the shadow Rangga. Starting from the first time we met in the OSIS room, when Rangga suddenly offered me a drink because he saw me tired of exercising then when the innocent Rangga declared his love on Monday right after Mr. Omar gave us an announcement.

“Izin sir, there is one disciple of my father that I like. Keep me snot the same day and night. May I mention his name sir?” Rangga asked from a loudspeaker in the middle of the ceremonial field.

"Huuuuu.." a boisterous voice was heard clearly. Not only the students, but the teachers.

“Hahahaha.. Say his name out loud. But promise, if you are made, never make her sad let alone cry.” Said Mr. Omar at the time.

Rangga is sure to make the whole school sound again, “Cieeee...” Me included.

Unexpectedly, the dapper-looking boy typical of the band boy approached me. He smiled indistinctly, scratched his head which was not actually itchy and carried the heart-shaped candy I used to buy from the vendors' bickers in front of the school gates.

She looked at me warmly making me wail with an erratic feeling. Was it really me he was approaching? It wasn't Ara who was beside me, was it?

Shame, fear, pleasure all mixed up in the chest cavity that thumped violently. I look stupidly in front of a handsome man who smiles sweetly at me.

The paschibra shirt on my body makes me so sultry. Not usually.

“Bella Andini Fauziah, I like you since you said, You can erase your wrong answer on the exam paper. But it will not change my thinking if you are a candidate for OSIS chairman who is unstable.” Rangga smiled a little in front of me.

Hey, he remembers. Makes me smile in my tears right now.

Really? He remembered that? Damn, I can't even speak.

“I like you. We can not be together not as friends, but as a girlfriend.” Rangga's voice sounded a little whisper.

Aaarrrrrgghhhh, I can still feel how that popping feeling filled my chest cavity. How brave this guy is. And the stupid me can only nod. I was given cheers by my friends and teachers. Shame on youuu yaa at that time I was very embarrassed.

From that day on, I felt that the days were going beautifully. God gave me so many beautiful things. I laughed a lot with Rangga.

One day adds up to one week, then one month and one year. Everything just goes by. I get the first love that people often take pride in and he says makes it hard to move on.

Rangga was present in every journey of my life history. He made me think more and more. Not only when I laugh, but when I fall, it's always there.

Until I meet the day that makes me so devastated, it is the Spirit that holds my hand tightly.

That day, I met the fact that love is not always sweet. I was taught that two people who love each other can turn away.

Papah, the first love that was in my life turned out to have been a mother. He went with a woman he referred to as Aunt Mila. He said the woman was my mother.

Wait, my mom is still there. He didn't go or die. Why is papah doing this?

I was crying like that. Do not accept that papah mamah. He also went with the woman who had given him a son. They boarded a car that Papah bought for the first time as a wedding anniversary gift mamah and papah.

“Pah, go home with me. Don't go with that wicked woman.” I said, pulling her hand.

But papah just shook his head. “Sorry papah son, we meet at home.”

Papah chose to leave, leaving me by the side of the road with Rangga.

I cried a mouthful and Rangga hugged me tightly.

“Sstttt...." The warm breath of Rangga in my ear I can still remember clearly.

"Bell, you still have me Bell. I will always take care of you, love you and will never leave you. Believe me Bell,” the voice was still buzzing clearly in my ears.

Rangga is like the healer of my first love wound. He is a man who brings new hope to my life.

But now? My words earlier,

“Gue will not die just because it is not with a man, but I..”.

Akh shit!

I will not die just because I am not with a man but I can be very devastated if Rangga leaves my life.

No, I can't be like this.

Rangga, yes Rangga should I meet. I can't let him just live in my delusion. I have to see him. I had to convince him that he had promised me many things.

We've walked this far, I can't let go.

Yeah, I can't let go.

*******