Bella's Script
White dot

Bella POV

I still don't understand this guy. The man who didn't let me down and walked on his own when I protested.

"Gue can walk alone." My words are choosing not to heed.

Arriving at the hospital, she chose to carry me from the parking lot to the room and lay me down carefully.

"Lo can nyimpen your energy for tomorrow-tomorrow." The ideal while looking at me.

Yeah, I never really understood what this guy named Devan's mind was like. From this afternoon until now he treated me in a different way.

Starting from him who gave me confidence by removing the strait jacket on my body and took me out of this white dominant room. He seemed to believe that I would not do anything stupid in front of him.

He also gave me freedom by letting me cry in front of him without ever protesting. She just added a musical sound that made me feel like no one heard my crying except myself.

Crazy, yes it is crazy.

Just this time I let someone else see me as someone weak. I let Devan sit next to me, listen to me rummage indistinctly, roar to express my anger and of course curse in harsh words at the stupid thing I've been doing.

He didn't go, didn't comment. He gave me enough room to acknowledge what I had been feeling in front of others.

Until now I had not realized that I was still holding my hand on his neck. Quickly I pulled it and placed it on top of my stomach, with the fingers linked to each other.

I realized this time Devan was looking at me. Though usually he never looked at me fixedly and often turned his face when we met the view, as if my face was not good to see.

He also rubbed my head, Tidying up my messy hair. Honestly, this made me not dare to raise my face and look back at him.

"Lo rest first. Don't be selfish with yourself." Suddenly said.

He lifted the blanket to the limit of my body. But he didn't put my strait jacket back together, as if I wasn't going to do anything crazy in front of him.

"I'm being selfish, right?" My toot.

My question made Devan smile thinly. I saw it from the corner of my eye.

He did not answer. He took a chair and placed it beside my bed, and sat there. He deliberately flipped his chair so that his chin could be supported with his hand resting on the back of the chair.

Hey, what the hell is he doing? Seeing me?

I heard him breathe deeply. I know, the questions I ask are indeed very typical of women. Being honestly answered, maybe I won't accept it and if he lies, my trust will be lost.

It's wrong, isn't it?

"Often you are very selfish towards yourself." I heard the answer and made me look.

He answered honestly. And the answer felt like it was slapping me.

"What are you after Bell, until you work too hard?" Again he looked at me fixedly, making me turn my face away and choose to stare at a single white dot before me.

"Lo does not need to work too hard, until you forget your body's right to rest just to be happy with others. Inget, the happiness of others is not your responsibility completely." his words sounded full of emphasis made the worry in his heart reach me.

"Your body needs rest. Your mind needs to rest so as not to overthinking continue. Inget, those in your life including me, always have their own choices that you can not set with your script. They've got their own scripts in their lives, like the lo thing. What you need to do is respond appropriately to their choices including the fact that they have the right to determine what kind of life they want to live."

"Stay on the storyline with you, or get out of the storyline by living their own story without involving you."

After the right cheek, this time it was my left cheek that was slapped. But why don't I feel pain? I can't protest it.

"Damn! Lo slap me." My mumbling is still being heard by Devan.

"Do you feel like I'm waking up?" He asked me.

Exactly, that's how it feels. Devan wasn't slapping to hurt me but waking me up. Awakening the ego I press deeply just to make others happy.

Isn't my ego really that I deserve to be happy too?

I didn't answer, just stared fixedly at Devan. Since when did he know me so well?

He moved from his seat.

"Rest. You can think of this but inget, you do not need to be an empty glass just to accommodate the difficulties of others and replace it with an outpouring of happiness."

"Lo deserves to be happy, you have the right to be calm, you have the right to sleep soundly, you have the right to dream beautiful and you have the right to choose who has the right to enter your mind, play in your script."

"And those who have disappointed you do not need lo defense to play longer in the lo script let alone get more attention than lo. You're the main character, not them."

"Lo has tried his best. You have done the best for the people you love. But if they choose to leave, then you are not the one who lost them. But those who lost you." Said Devan in a row while rubbing my head.

His words were not much different from what my therapist said this morning. But the taste that got to the bottom of my heart was much different.

I'm just stunned. Devan's words are like chunks of ice that I've been freezing and I'm not straying in the corners of my heart and mind. It hurt me and I know it. But all this time I couldn't melt it. Maybe Devan was right, it was the ego I had been suppressing all this time. I was selfish towards myself and I never tried to make myself happy.

I was still looking at Devan who was walking away from me. He laid his body on the sofa, made his arm a pillow and closed his eyes.

"Trust me, you can sleep well when you can think that their happiness is not your responsibility completely" he said that I still hear.

I don't know why when I heard it my heart went grimacing. Devan was right, I deserve to be happy even without them. And their happiness is not my responsibility.

I found the man who had laid down his body and closed his eyes.

"Van," call me.

"Hem," that's the only short statement I've heard. She looked at me with her warm eyes.

"Hem, sleep." I saw a faint smile on his lips. I don't know since when Devan's presence around me made me feel calmer.

Assuming Devan's speech, then I closed my eyes without turning my face away from Devan. I want when I open my eyes because of a nightmare, there's someone I can see.

One tear drop became my night cover. I kept my eyes closed, allowing tears to drip one last time. I took a few deep breaths and exhaled.

God, I want to let them go.

******

"DOW!!” one blow was given Ozi to Rangga.

Not once twice, but many times until the man staggered and fell. The man was lying on a paved road with a face filled with bruises and blood.

Ozi with his satisfaction, strangled the collar of Rangga's shirt, raised his head again but when he would hit again his raw bogem Rangga just smiled without grimacing at all. As if he had prepared to accept all of Ozi's anger.

“AARRRGGHHHHH!!!!” yelled Ozi who urgently continued his punch to Rangga's face.

His anger was not exhausted just by rewarding Rangga with many blows. And Rangga never once tried to fight or avoid. He let Ozi vent his anger. Maybe this way the feeling in his heart slightly reduced.

“Aakkhh shit!” finally Ozi let go of his grip. His strength is not as strong as before to beat Rangga to satisfaction.

He dropped his body sitting next to Rangga. In his clutch his throbbing head of pain, the effects of illness and anger were mixed into one.

“If you are still not satisfied, you can hit me again.” Challenge Rangga with breathless breath.

He grimaced, touching the bloody corner of his lips but he knew the pain might not be worth the amount of anger and pain Ozi was in.

Ozi turned his head to the man beside him and the man just laughed with a spelled laugh, mocking himself. Again, Rangga did not dwell in the presence of the Bella family, especially Ozi.

If only he did not remember this man had been at the hardest point Bella in her teens, maybe Ozi had finished him off.

“Gue has released adek lo, do you still not feel like winning?” ask Rangga.

With a staggering body the man tried to get up and sit beside Ozi.

“Lo always says that I'm a jerk, can't stand up to Bella and fight nothing for her. Do I meet your expectations until I can't accept Bella?” again Rangga asked while smiling cynically at Ozi.

“Lo more jerk than I expected.” Dengus Ozi returned Rangga's gaze cynically.

“Hahahaha..” Rangga laughs.

Laugh so deep that his shoulders move up and down. But then he fell silent. Pondered with tears that shed.

“Gue tired." I, pensively deep.

"Gue couldn't last until Bella's end. I feel like our relationship is a burden for me.” Its effects.

Without feeling a tear dripping in the corner of Rangga's eyes. He could not deny, sometimes his heart grimaced when he remembered that Bella had given a lot of color in his life. Struggling hard to make her happy.

“Don't playing victim lo ahead of me. Lo positions Bella as if she's the woman who gives you a lot of weight. WHOOP! Lo plays mean nothing to me.” Sinis Ozi who does not believe Rangga's words.

“Lo has no feelings anyway? You can imagine not really as sick as what I'm squirming Bella now?"

"If you don't love him, you don't have to promise him the winds of heaven. Maybe that way he won't be as ruined now.” Imbuh Ozi with watery red eyes. His chest is much more crowded now.

Rangga smiled thinly. He looked back at Ozi. “Then I have to what?”

“Isn't it just that way I can get Bella out of my life?”

He knows very well that Bella hates infidelity. He was very sure, after seeing her having an affair, Bella would go away by herself. Without him knowing that Bella's feelings are not that bad.

Nope,

He knew that Bella's feelings for him were not that shallow. He was just too used to seeing the overwhelming feeling from Bella while he could not keep up with it. Then, everything became too ordinary for Rangga.

Bella who fought for him, Bella who always stayed for him and Bella who always put her full trust in him, felt too ordinary. He did not find a gap, which part he had to complete.

And now Bella is broken. He never thought such a thing would happen. She thought Bella would always be strong. Standing on his own feet. A superior being who never complains about anything. But this time he was wrong.

No, he was wrong all along. Weighing Bella's feelings is only based on her feelings.

“Gue sure one day you will be satisfied." Ozi said with confidence.

"Lo may find a better woman than Bella, but like Bella, there'll never be another one."

"Women who can accept your irritation during this time. All this time. The one that lo nemenin of you has nothing. Be patient even though you are indifferent and encourage you when you say you struggle again when it is not for him."

"When you understand that the condition really exists, I ask, you do not have to disturb Bella's life again. What else dreamt you could be with Bella again. Step over my corpse before you dare to approach again the same Bella.” Ozi cannot be denied.

He had to admit, he did expect Bella to realize that Rangga was not the man she had to wait for. But he never thought that Bella would experience the mental destruction she is today.

In her mind, Rangga was a poison in Bella's life. He had to keep Rangga away so Bella wouldn't get hurt. Unexpectedly, ending Bella's wounds was akin to making wounds and opening up the trauma of her sister. He is truly very sorry.

In his place, Rangga was just stunned. A small nudge tried to understand Ozi's anger and disappointment. Then he fell in. Very deep, immersed in his mind which now does not boil.

Maybe, this is better.

******