I'm Just a Figurant
Ch 9 - I Want to Be Independent

Alex insisted on asking me why I was crying. Although I didn't want to answer him, Alex kept me from giving him an answer. I finally told you the reason.

Alex's face looked relieved. It seemed like he had already imagined strange things. Hearing my explanation he was relieved because the problem I felt was not as big as he thought.

"Drink first." Alex handed him the plastic package he had been carrying. With hesitation I accepted it. Inside the package was a bottle of strawberry-flavored milk and a large sandwich. I looked at Alex full of question marks.

"I've never seen you in the cafeteria. I thought you must be hungry." Alex explained with a slight red hue adorning his face. "Eat."

My feelings are mixed. When my heart was weak, falling into useless self-deprecation, Alex suddenly came back.

I placed the package next to my body and looked at Alex deeply. So many questions in my head, but I can't answer them. I can't stop myself from asking.

"Alexes..."

"Yes?"

"May I ask you something?"

"What questions? My willingness to be your tutor? Okay, I'm willing." Alex smiled a little.

"Alexes... Why are you so good to me?"

"Huh?"

"The other kids ignored me. Assuming I don't exist. But why are you so nice?"

"Obviously no, the reason I did it." Alex answered casually.

"Huh?"

"Because you're my friend. There's no harm in not treating friends well?" I could only gawk at Alex's explanation. What a very simple explanation.

"Fastly eat the bread. You must be hungry." Alex turned around, getting ready to leave. But soon after, he stopped his steps. "From now on I'll be your tutor. Get your brains ready to learn, okay?" He smiled and turned away. Leaving me still dumbfounded to see her wide back away.

***

Alex has kept his promise. Every hour of rest comes he will teach me subjects that I find very difficult. There's a trio of matpel that make my brain boil that's Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics. Alex patiently taught me.

Today is the second day he became my tutor. The break hour arrived. He's back to teaching me. I looked at his explanation carefully. Whether because he is intelligent, the whole explanation seems very easy to understand.

Sometimes my mind is not focused. Being in close proximity to a handsome guy seems like it will definitely make girls my age hot cold, not least Me.

In serious condition his face looks more handsome. I just realized Alex has long eyelashes. I was so envious to see it. How could a man have such beautiful eyelashes?

"Ay, what's the matter?" Diana's arrival broke my daydream. All of a sudden the girl was standing behind Alex and touching her shoulder.

"Lho, is it coming?"

"Ay, what are you doing? Let's go to the canteen. I'm hungry." Yeah." Diana's voice sounded spoiled.

"Before Yank, this is still Khansa Physics. Yesterday the test he was not satisfactory. There'll be another test next week so..."

"Why do you have to be the one to teach? He can join the bimbel. Come to the canteen." Diana forced. He spoke as if there was no Me there.

"I've understood. I can learn by myself. Thank you for teaching me." I tidied up my books, omens of wanting to end the flash bulb. I felt bad every time I saw Diana's gaze.

"Seriously understand Khans?"

"Yes, I understand."

"No, he knows it. Let's go and get some help." Diana pulled Alex's hand so as to make the man willingly follow her.

"I went to the cafeteria first, Khans." Alex waved his hand. I can only nod my head.

"Why do you have to be the one who taught him?! I don't like you deket ma him. Who was he until you noticed his whole thing?!" I heard Diana's voice still nagging. It seems like Diana deliberately raised her voice so that I could hear her dislike of me.

"You consider him a friend! But he's definitely not like that! Don't be too nice to other girls. I don't like it!"

"Geez Yank, you know I'm unfortunately just the same as you."

"Just don't want to know. Don't come near her anymore."

And it seems like their conversation is still very long. I couldn't hear their conversation anymore because of their growing distance.

Diana doesn't like it. Which girl likes her guy near another girl? Even if you are just a tutor? Looks like I should really stay away from Alex. I don't want Alex and Diana's relationship to get worse.

***

I'm really trying to stay away from Alex. When the break comes I'll go first. The safest place to hide is in the library.

I chose a place in the corner of the room and spent my time daydreaming. Sometimes I really learn too. But other times I'll just read the novels that are there.

Alex is trying to talk to me. But his efforts never worked. Whether it was because of Diana's arrival or the teacher who interrupted her conversation.

Today is the fourth day I'm not communicating with Alex. Actually, if I can be honest, my heart feels emptier. Easy to say, but hard to do. That's what I'm going through now.

I thought that not communicating with her would make my feelings for her gradually diminish. But it doesn't seem like it.

The more days I miss him. The happiest time for me was in class. Although We can't talk like before, yet at least I can stare at his back.

Alex... L like you...

"You're here it turns out. I've been looking for you everywhere." Suddenly the face I missed was right in front of me. A mixture of surprise, confusion and longing to be one. I stared fixedly at Alex who was already sitting comfortably in front of me.

"So here's your hideout?" tanyanya while looking around.

"Why do you know I'm here?"

"Oh, I asked some kids. Someone saw you here. How's it? Do you really understand the material?" Alex took the book in front of me. His eyes looked astonished and reddened when he saw the book. Then he returned the book to me again.

"Ehem. Can you not yet?" ask again.

"Eh, oh... Matter physics? Su-can't do it..."

"Related?"

"Yes." Yeah."

"Try me to test." Alex picked up my notebook and wrote about it there. "Try doing this. It's 7 minutes."

"Yes." Yeah." I picked up on it and started working on it. I feel Alex is looking at me. But I didn't dare to be sure. I work and I work. Not 7 minutes I've finished it. Alex checked my work and seemed happy to know my answer was correct.

"Khanza..."

"Yes?"

"Why are you avoiding me these few days? Did I do anything wrong?"

Getting questions like that got me slapped. Isn't it obvious the reason is because Diana doesn't like Alex being close to other girls? Why would Alex ask something like that?

"No... You are never wrong. I just want to learn by myself." I was silent for a moment and continued. "I don't think it's good to always depend on you. I want to be more independent."

"You mean?"

"I want to do everything myself. You don't have to care anymore. Thank you for all your kindness. I hope in the future we don't have to communicate anymore." I immediately stood up and tidied up my books. Then it quickly passed from before Alex who looked surprised at my words.

***

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