I'm Just a Figurant
[POV Alex] Ch 95 - Finding Excuses

Aaron went back to drowning. He can't speak. It seemed like he was in a dilemma, between having to refuse or accept the responsibility ordered by Papa.

"Son... Do you understand the situation now? Your brother has already desecrated the girl. He must be responsible. You have to cut the girl. Let your brother take responsibility for his actions. Puk.. puk..." Papa patted my shoulder. I didn't answer anything. My tongue is like a mute. My lips became mute. I refuse to speak anymore.

Every look at those two humans that there was only anger. My desire to kill Aaron is still great. I'm so sick of everything!!

I decided to go back to Dino's room and ignore the people who called me. My feelings are still boiling with anger. I can't forgive both!!

***

Mama sent me a message to return home and attend a closed engagement event held by the family. It looks like Mr. Adrian's family will accept the goodwill of my family to propose Diana as my sister's future wife. I don't know if the Diana family knows the real reason or not. I don't care anymore.

The feelings of resentment and anger were still there. That feeling never seemed to go away before they sincerely apologized. That is if I forgive him.

There seems to be no regret from either of them. Neither Diana nor Aaron tried to contact me. My feelings are getting sicker.

I need to vent this feeling on other things. I keep smoking and drinking hard. The feeling of being betrayed hurt my pride. The feeling of being wasted made my confidence go low. It prompted me to do self-evidence.

I started playing around with other girls as a show of self-evidence. Proving that I'm still attractive in their eyes.

I chose the girl at random. Hugging, kissing and smelling her while imagining Khansa's face. No girl would refuse me. Looks like I still have enough traction in their eyes.

***

I forget the time. I don't know how long I haven't been to school. Every day Mama went to Dino's house just to persuade me. In the end I entered school, on the condition that I stay at Dino's house until an unspecified time.

School, reminds me of Khansa. How's things? Is she okay? I want to meet him.

In class, I didn't see Diana's whereabouts. Maybe he had the same reason as me. Too lazy to go to school because of too many problems. I decided to move to another chair. My attitude like this led to the speculation of other friends. I no longer care about their views.

When the break came, I decided to go to Khansa's class. From far away I can recognize her. The girl was slipping her face. I want to run and hug him. Crying on his shoulder. But I realize I don't have any rights.

Seeing Khansa's face entertained my heart. At least at this moment I don't remember that incident anymore.

I looked at Khansa. She's a plain and innocent girl. She was different from Diana or the other girls. He's so pure.

I realized that my unstable mental state would have a devastating effect on Khansa. I'm afraid it'll ruin his innocence. I should stay away from him.

Good bye Khansa. Take good care of yourself. If my emotions are stable, I'll come back to you soon. Wait Me.

***

One day, I saw him. Diana is back at school again. He looks like normal. Hanging out with other friends is like nothing happened.

Seeing him made me remember the incident. The hurt feelings of being betrayed, the hurt self-esteem, and the low self-confidence overpowered me.

It pushed me back to doing things outside of my habits. Smoke, try to drink hard, and fuck a lot of girls, anytime and anywhere.

This time, it was no exception either. The disgust and disgust with Diana pushed me to seduce anyone who was in front of me. Coincidentally this time I fucked Briana, the girl who seemed interested in me.

I pulled Briana's hand and subconsciously brought her to that place. I pushed his body against the wall and kissed his lips greedily.

Yeah, right now I'm kissing Khansa. Khansas... I wanted to kiss you so badly, but I didn't want to ruin you. I'm a bad influence on you. I have to stay away from you.

I fucked Khansa. Explores the warmth of her lips. Tasting its sweetness. Pressing his body to get closer to me. Tell him I want it.

KLAAAANGGG

That voice blew my fantasy. I immediately let go of the kiss and distanced Our bodies. The disgust returned to me once I knew that the girl I was making was not Khansa.

I looked to see the origin of the voice.

DEG

My heart stopped beating. My body can't move. I saw the real Khansa standing not far from where I was!!

Fear is holding me. Khansaku has seen me!! He has seen my ugliness! He can't be friends with me anymore!

"Khansa.." Unknowingly this mouth called out to him. The body turned. A hint of surprise could be seen clearly on his face. I regret calling his name.

His face looked very hateful to me. With one move, the body turned back and ran away. Reflexively I immediately chased after and pulled his hand.

"Khanza!!"

"Le-let go of me." he said. Khansa's voice was trembling. She cried. Guilt hit me. She must have been in shock because she had seen my indecent scene. I have tainted his innocent eyes. I pulled Khansa in my arms.

"Shhh... Excuse me... Ii'm sorry... Don't cry anymore... I'm sorry..."

I don't know how long I've been holding her. I don't think I want to take off her body. The body gave me a sense of comfort. I found peace from the anger that had been holding me all this time.

After the cry had subsided, we sat next to each other. Khansa asked me why I did all the things that she thought were absurd. Instead of being honest and telling me my real problems, I teased him instead.

My words are the opposite of what I experienced. It infuriated Khansa, until the words I feared most came out of her mouth.

"I hate you Alex!!"

***

Those words were deeply embedded in my mind. I freaked. I'm afraid Khansa really hates me. I don't want that to happen. At least I should clear up this misunderstanding a little.

I drove my bike to Khansa's house. Along the way my mind rotated. Thinking of whatever I had to say to make Khansa want to understand and accept my change.

I can't possibly tell you the truth. I don't want to disgrace Diana or Aaron. However bej*dnya, they are still people who have been very close to me. I don't want to tell others about their vices, including Khansa.

Until I finally found an answer. I used the reason for breaking up with Diana as the beginning of my attitude change.

***

Happy Reading 😉

NB: Sorry if I'm short and fast yes, so it's a little faster 🙏