I'm Just a Figurant
Ch 7 - Your World and My Different World

Alex looked at me seriously. It seems like he really doesn't understand what I'm saying.

"I'm not lying. Try to get your glasses off. Your hair is unraveled, you are sweet. I'm your friend, how could I lie."

Alex's words have made my heart fall apart. The part he says I'm sweet makes my world a somersault. But once he said that we are only friends, immediately threw myself at the bottom of the deepest abyss.

Though I know myself. But I don't know why this stupid me wasn't immediately self-conscious. Keep dreaming and dreaming. Really stupid!

"Tompe your bike I'll send to your house. Fortunately tomorrow is Sunday."

"I can take it myself. I'm gonna ask my dad for help to get it..."

"no need. I forced you to drive you. I'll be in charge."

Again I can't argue. I'm speechless. The silent atmosphere approached. It's a good thing that the silence ended as soon as Alex stopped the car right in front of my house.

"Thank you, yeah. I'm very, very grateful."

"Okay, no problem. Sleep well Khansa. Thank you for your help today (referring to group assignments)."

And they also separated. Khansa stares at Alex's car until it disappears from sight.

"That's who Nduk is? How'd it go home tonight?" Suddenly my father opened the door and was waiting for me in front of the house.

"Friends Well..."

"Where's your bike?"

"At titipin in the food court parking lot. Because it's night, there's a friend who's willing to take it."

"Know that's what Nduk's father was."

"Yes, it's okay. Khansa goes into the room first."

"Yes. Quick break Nduk."

***

That kiss scene still couldn't get out of my head. Every time I remember it, my feelings hurt. I don't feel my tears flowing.

The first love will always run aground. Maybe that's what I'm going through right now. Very amusing. A 15-year-old can also feel heartbreak.

I am am interested in my feelings. In the eyes of others, I must look like a teenager who fiddles his feelings. But my feelings really hurt. Can't I still cry?

That night I couldn't sleep well. I cry for my broken heart. It continued until I was exhausted and fell asleep on my own.

***

Sunday has arrived. Alex kept his promise. At six o'clock in the morning a man came to our house to deliver my bicycle. He told Alex to do it. I thanked him and served him a delicious dish.

After the guest left, I started taking off the house. Usually every Sunday my brother and I would come with my dad to pull the angkot. Today is no exception either.

After finishing all the housework, my sister and I started getting ready. At seven o'clock in the morning we're ready and pull the angkot.

Maybe because it was Sunday, the passengers looked very quiet. The absence of school children is the cause. In one route there are only a few people.

"It seems like if like this continues to lose gasoline huh Well?"

"Yes Nduk, but how else. We can only try and work hard, for the result leave it to the above." Father's words looked optimistic, but a sad stroke was seen on his face.

Although working from morning until night, often the income of the father is often minus. Withdrawal money for gas payment and mandatory deposit. It was as if the work done from morning to night had no results at all.

"Tonight eating more noodles is okay, Nduk?"

"Can eat only alhamduLillah Well. What matters is that we keep trying." I tried to encourage my sad father.

"I'm sorry Nduk, I can't make you and your sister happy. Having a father like me, your life's been hard." Dad looks so sad.

I clasped my father's hand, trying to strengthen.

"Father has become the best father for us. Thank you for taking so much effort to support us. We're so grateful to have you, Dad..." I can't help myself to tear up. Yes, I am very grateful. Although my father's work was like this, but he tried hard to support us.

I don't feel like stopping at a red light. Accidentally my eyes saw a very familiar car that stopped right next to my father's angkot. I looked at the man behind the wheel. The windshield is not too dark. And I know the people who are in it.

Alex and Diana were in the car. They look very harmonious and friendly. They are a happy couple. Diana seemed to pinch Alex's cheek with a small smile looking at her behavior.

I turned my face. From here I became more and more aware of my position. When a kid my age can date freely and express his feelings, I'm here. Come with my father to pull an angkot, trying to scavenge fortune.

Two very different worlds. My world and their world are very different. My feelings are getting dwarfed.

It seems that the matters of the heart I can't think of right now. I have to focus on my father, sister and my education. Liking someone in the middle of my condition like this would be a luxury. I don't deserve that luxury yet.

"Please pray khansa Well, hopefully khansa can change our economy." I said while holding my sobs. I decided to stop liking Alex and focus on family and education.

"That's the prayer I always pray Nduk. May your life and your sister be better than your father's. May you find happiness, amen..."

"Amen..."

***

As Dad thought, that night we could only eat with noodles. Father's profit that night was only twenty thousand. Ten thousand Fathers gave it to me to make shopping, while the rest of you kept it. With that ten thousand dollars I bought 2 packs of instant noodles and half a kilo of rice.

"Buy rice is only half a kilo. Don't buy them all." Said the shop owner. Despite saying so, the owner of the stall still weighed the rice for me.

"Yes Mom, sorry. It could only be that ma'am. Later if there's more money I buy five kilos Bu." I tried to smile, to take the heart of the shop owner.

"Yes already, because you're a good boy buy whatever Mother's packing. But do not forget, if there is more money do not shop elsewhere. Keep shopping here."

"Yes, Mom, I promise. Thank you, Mom." I'm also very happy. I couldn't linger in the stall, because my sister must have been waiting for me with a starving face.

Arriving at home, I immediately cooked the rice and began to turn on the stove to cook the noodles.

"His noodles are cooked in one pack only Nduk. A lot of love. One pack to eat tomorrow." Said my father.

"Yes, this is Khansa just cooking a pack."

Eating instant noodles one pack in for three people is common for us. I'll make more of the sauce and spice it up to make it better. Just eat like this I'm so lucky.

There are many people whose lives are much more difficult than ours. We have a place to shelter. Sleep on the bed. There was a blanket that covered our bodies. There are clothes we wear every day. So what is less fun?

That night we ate well. Super soup noodles are eaten with warm rice. Very delicious indeed. May the Lord always launch my father's fortune, so that We may always eat like this, amen.

***

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