I'm Just a Figurant
Ch 23 - National Examination

It does not feel that the final national exam is in sight. My school has started to conduct routine try outs every day to evaluate our learning outcomes.

Every day I learn desperately. Learning makes me have a purpose in life. Learning made me forget about Alex a little bit, though not completely. Not infrequently I often nosebleed because of fatigue learning. But my father always supported me by giving me the healthiest food I could.

When the national exam is less than one month, teachers begin to hold practice tests as a support for the final exam score later. My practice test results are satisfying, I'm proud of myself.

I often stroke my own head to show my pride. When I do things like that, I always think of Alex. Alex used to praise me by stroking my head when my test was good enough. Little things like that make me cry sometimes.

Why is it so hard to forget Alex? Does this feel like first love? Stay in the heart and hard to forget?

I didn't let myself linger remembering Alex. I refocused on my goal, which was my education and my family.

***

Today is Monday, the first day of the national final exam. I kissed my father's hand, asking for prayer and blessing.

"Wish Khansa yes Well, may Khansa do well on her exams."

"Dad always prays the best for his children. Hopefully you can do the exam smoothly yes Nduk and get satisfactory grades, amen..."

"Amen... Thank you for praying Dad. Khansa loves Daddy and Adek." I hugged my father.

"Dad, love you both."

Then I started pedaling my bike, towards my last fight at that High School.

There are six subjects that are tested, namely English, Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry and Biology.

The first day of the exam is an Indonesian and Biological maple. I'm optimistic that I can work on these two maples, because these maples are not my weak maples.

The exam starts at 08.00 WIB and ends until 13.00 WIB for two subjects.

As expected, I was able to master both maples. I did the exam that day well. I hope in the next exams it will surf today.

The national exam lasts three days. Although I have difficulty working on Chemistry, Physics and Mathematics, but at least I can answer these questions as much as 85%. I'm optimistic I can graduate!

My heart is glad to have completed the exam. My three-year struggle at High School is coming to an end. Good bad result, I've been sincere. At least I've fought to the point of blood loss.

When I was about to pick up a bike in the parking lot, I felt like I was being stared at by someone. I looked in accordance with my feeling and my eyes looked at me with those sharp eyes.

Alex looked at me intensely. He was standing next to his car. His gaze was illegible. My knees instantly became weak. I could not be looked at by those eyes.

One second, five seconds, ten seconds, twenty seconds... We looked in silence and...

"Ay, why so. Yuk's home. We have to get over Ay's exam." Suddenly Diana came. He entered through the passenger door and called out to Alex who looked dreamy in his eyes.

"Ehm yes..." Our eyes are cut off. Alex turned and got into the car, while I could only watch them until the car went away.

I exhaled a heavy breath. Soon enough I'm really going to part with this school and the people in it. There are only two things I love about this school, the first is the complete facilities and the second is Alex. Yeah, just those two things.

Is this really going to be the end of my relationship with Alex? Will they split up under these circumstances?

Given our relationship that has deteriorated over the past year and a half, it looks like that is what will happen.

***

The teacher invited all the student guardians to receive our graduation announcement. And as a result, all the students in our school graduated with satisfactory results.

The principal announces the highest UN (national exam) grade, and that grade again falls on Alex. The value of UN Alex is the highest in one province.

My eyes glazed over hearing that. I'm proud, I'm so proud of Alex. My decision to make it back with Diana was correct. If she did not return with Diana, she would definitely be on the wrong path and make her achievements fall. Just this time I really don't regret my decision.

"Good work Alex, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you." I said in my heart with teary eyes.

Then the event continued with the submission of graduation scores on one by one student. I didn't expect my grades to be number 49 out of 300 students. What a remarkable progress, considering at the time of entering this school my grades are in the order of 298. Really great progress for me.

"Dad is proud of you Nduk. Father's son the test results are very satisfying. I have to show off these results to my friends."

My father seemed very proud to look at my test results. Yes, out of those six subjects my grades were an average of 8 and 9. That's why my dad was so proud.

If rank 49 has averaged 8 and 9, can you imagine the rank 1 is not it? Yes, Alex's score is almost perfect, an average of 10 and only one subject is worth 9, namely the Indonesian maple. He is so incredibly smart!!

After the graduation score sharing event, the teacher forbade us to convoy and doodle uniforms. We are required to return the uniforms to school.

My bond with the school was only two more times, the wait waiting for the diploma out and the farewell event held by the school.

Before leaving school, I stared at my school building as a whole. What a magnificent school. Most magnificent among the other high schools in my city. But the grandeur does not reflect the happiness of the students in it.

For students who have smart brains, wealth, good looks and beauty, popularity, maybe school here will be a fun time.

That's inversely proportional to students like me. I who do not have all of those elements will be very isolated. There is no real bullying, but the attitude of those who think of Me as if nothing is enough to make this heart hurt. Exceeding the wound due to bullying. Leaving behind a deep trauma. Feel like an inappropriate and unworthy person is in their midst. Self-confidence is low.

This heart always wonders, is it worthy enough of me? What kind of standards will they set to make me worthy of being with them? Make them see me? Make them no longer ignore me?

Questions like that often haunt me sometimes also motivate me to be able to achieve the standard they want.

"Sir, let's go home." Father's voice broke my daydream.

"Yes, let's go home."

"Father's son is proud. I'm really proud of you Nduk. You managed to graduate from a favorite school with very good grades." I stroked my head as a form of pride.

"Father's son is only 49, don't be too proud..."

"Rank 49 in this SMA but can rank 1 in other SMA. Anyway, Dad is very proud. Today we have to eat good."

"The money is Yah, hehe..."

"There was. If you celebrate the graduation of your child, you will always try to. Let's go get your sister and we'll have a good meal."

"Yes, thank you..."

***

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