I'm Just a Figurant
[POV Alex] Ch 98 - Eye View

School always reminds me of Khansa. There is a feeling of longing and fear when thinking about meeting him. I was afraid to look Khansa in the eye. I couldn't bear it when she looked at me with her hateful gaze. But the feeling of being able to see it is still great.

At school, Diana acted like nothing had happened. He made us sit together again. I don't care about his existence. I consider it to be nonexistent.

Diana treated me very well. Maybe he wanted to make amends for his mistakes in the past. He treated me like a friend. He tried so hard to please my heart.

Diana was always around me and Dino. It seems to have led many to speculate. They thought Diana and I were back together. I don't care about that assumption. The person I don't want to misunderstand has left, why would I bother to dismiss the news?

Dino became one of the people who supported me to get up. Many times he will meet Khansa, but I forbid him. It felt so shameful and self-worthless, begging such a thing to the person who hated me.

I tried to forget it and focus on my life before Khansa and Diana entered it. School and play with friends, trying to be a teenage boy in general.

Being betrayed by Diana and being abandoned by Khansa left me a bit traumatized by women. There were no more girls who caught my attention even though their existence always surrounded me. I decided to close my heart to a creature called a woman.

***

After Aaron returned to Jakarta, Diana became closer to me. She felt like she was the sister-in-law who should always pay attention to me. Instead of being more mature, even more I have to be patient with his behavior.

Diana was crying in front of me. It was caused by the attitude of Aaron who still rejected it. Seeing from how sad she was, it seemed like Diana really liked Aaron.

The sadness Diana felt gradually made me empathize with the girl. We got back close and became ordinary friends. No matter where I go, he always follows me until the rumors of Us getting back together get bigger.

I've made peace with Diana, so how do I feel about Khansa? Honestly, every night my mind can't escape it. I didn't know that Khansa would have such a big influence on my life. I thought this pain would go away with time, but it wasn't like that.

I am sad every time I remember it. I wonder why he behaves like that? And I'll end up blaming myself. Maybe I shouldn't have approached her from the beginning. Maybe I should just ignore it, just like the rest of the guys. Maybe Khansa would be happier if her world wasn't disturbed. Yeah, maybe it's like that.

***

My mind says to forget it, but my heart is unable to do so. Secretly these eyes were still searching for his figure. Sometimes I would pass in front of her class just to see her face. My heart still hurts every time I see it.

Once our eyes met each other. This is really something beyond my expectations. A mixture of surprise, palpitations, heartache and pleasure mixes into one. Want me to run and ask him, is it true all the things he said? Yet I, too cowardly, ended up walking away from him, too afraid to see the look in his eyes.

***

It's been a year. Without feeling I'm now in 3rd grade High School. I'm still watching Khansa secretly. I'm really a weird young man, who's stalking his activities all day. I'm glad to see Khansa staying focused on education and learning without time. Seeing Khansa like that made me also return to having spirit.

I'd be proud that Khansa has good values, I also want Khansa to think that way about me even though it's a very funny thought.

Seeing Khansa's spirit made me think about her education. I know the Khansa family background will make it difficult to continue his education to the college level, for that I took the initiative to ask the teacher BK about his future plans.

It turned out that Khansa had never set foot in the BK room. That means the girl has absolutely no plans for her education.

"She's a smart girl. Just because the limitations of the facility prevent it from developing. I hope Mom gives him a chance. Please register his name as a potential scholarship recipient."

"I'm very sure, Mom. I will not regret registering his name. He'll be a proud alumnus of our school." I paused for a moment, before continuing, "Even if he's not elected, I'll pay for his education."

Maybe I'm crazy. I know Khansa doesn't like me, even hates me but I still can't turn to her. I hope Khansa doesn't know this because I'm afraid she'll hate me even more.

***

During the 3rd grade, all the students seemed busy studying desperately. The teachers galvanised us all. Schools and bimbels often do trial exams.

Every year we diligently contribute to the achievement of students as the best graduates in East Java. We are in the top five. This year also school We are ambitious to make its students become the best graduates.

I was predicted as an outstanding student, considering my achievements during my time at school. My parents and teachers paid more attention to me. Watching me learn and monitoring the results. This continued for the next few months, until finally the day of the national exam came.

As expected, I can master every subject. There is only one maple that makes me doubt, namely the Indonesian maple. But I don't want to think about it much further. I feel free from the obligations given by my parents and school.

That day was the last day of the exam. I walk to the parking lot, get ready to go home. My steps came to a halt when I saw the figure I missed so much.

I stared at him for a long time. Wanting to quench my thirst and longing for him. At first the figure was unaware of my existence, until a few minutes later the figure began to notice it.

He looked and our eyes met. My eyes looked at the plain and pure eyes. My feelings are turning over. I felt as if there were just the two of us. I held my breath, hoping that the gaze would stick.

Khansa looked surprised. Perhaps he was surprised to be stared at by the strange man who had been stalking him so often. But I don't see the hatred in his eyes. Does Khansa hate me anymore?

My feet were preparing to step up, wanting to grab her in an embrace before at last the voice came to disperse all daydreams.

"Well, what's that bengong? Yuk's home. We have to get the exam over."

Diana came and cut off our eye contact. I quickly woke up and took my eyes off. When I saw Khansa again, the girl turned her face away.

I got into the car feeling upset. "What the fuck was that call? Ay?!"

"Ups, sorry taseplosan. It is a habit of Al. Don't get mad at that dong, consider calling 'Ay' to sister-in-law. Aye right?" Diana smiled without feeling guilty.

***

Happy Reading 😛

NB: Wow, sorry for the update. Yuk absent first in the comments column waiting for the AlKhans update, let me know how many souls are waiting for the cardboard 😂🙏

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