I'm Just a Figurant
Ch 80 - Struggling you

My body stiffened hearing that voice. Why did he come home? Why should I go home? I don't care if he doesn't come back!! My feelings have been calm for a few days. Why did he have to come again?!

I feel the bed start moving a little. Not long after, Alex was already sleeping next to me. My body is behind him. I felt her warm hands hugging my waist and pulling my body closer to her.

My body became stiff. I really don't like this touch. I feel awkward and awkward. My body suddenly became disgusted with that touch.

Because of this guy I almost lost my baby. Thinking too much about it makes me forget about my baby. I won't forgive him. This time I will not let my heart become weak.

"Is it really sleeping?" Alex kissed my nape. I want to feel like I'm pushing his body away. But I'm still holding back, still pretending to be asleep.

"I'm kangen. Wake up, dear."

Lied to!! You never miss me! If you miss me, you won't ignore me for a few days! Your words and actions are completely different! Stupidly I used to believe it. Not anymore! Your existence is no longer important to me! My baby is more important than you!

Patience, patience... I can't be emotional. I need to keep my mind calm. I can't be stressed anymore. I have to keep my emotions stable for this baby. Let's just say Alex doesn't exist. Whether or not that man will have no effect on my life.

"Alkha, how are you? You're a good boy, right? He said your examination results were good. Really good boy. Be healthy..." Alex stroked my stomach gently. I want to feel like I'm biting his hand.

Don't touch my son!! What right do you have to touch it?! You don't really care about him! Why do you have to pretend to care?!

I'm biting my lips. Refraining from crying. Refraining to withstand his touch. I'm really fed up.

Patience... Patience... Can't be emotional. Think of it as being touched by a cat. He's nothing. He won't affect my emotions, my mind and my heart anymore. I just have to be patient with his disgusting touch!!

***

I hold on to his touch. Waiting for him to fall asleep before breaking away. I waited for that opportunity to come. As her subtle breaths began to sound, I slowly released my body from her bulging hands.

I looked at that sleeping face. My feelings became empty. It used to be the face I loved the most, but now I don't recognize the figure.

Half of my life was spent loving her. Waiting for him patiently. Waiting for this feeling to be avenged. But this foolish feeling took me nowhere, except in the abyss of sorrow.

Actually it's not his fault, but my fault is too stupid in loving. I lost everything. Career, family, friends. I almost lost my baby! I need to stop this stupid feeling immediately. For the sake of my baby, I must be strong. If I can't get away from him, then I'll make him let me go willingly.

I got out of bed and walked to the sofa. I lay down my body and try to go back to sleep. At least the sofa is more quiet at the moment than the warm bed inhabited by lions.

***

I woke up early. I see Alex is still asleep. I took this opportunity to shower immediately. After that I went straight down to the first floor.

One room with Alex makes me uncomfortable. I should get as far away from the man as I can, even if it's just inside the house.

"What are you doing, Mom?"

"Eh, is the madam awake? What does the madam want to eat? I'm masakin."

"Just the ingredients, ma'am. Let me see the ingredients in the fridge." I saw some vegetables, chicken, beef, fresh fish and others.

"Lho, don't be like that. What does the madam want to eat? I'm masakin. If the material doesn't exist, I'll find it..."

"Eater eats his own cooking Ma'am. It hasn't been cooking for a long time." After arguing with Mbak Asih, the woman finally let me cook on the condition that she was allowed to help me.

I cook vegetable soup, corn omelette, fried chicken and sambal terasi. The smell of the terasis sambal was very evocative to my taste.

"Sorry Madam, actually I'm very curious. Seeing the appetite of the Madam who is not strange like the big Mistress I often see on TV, where is the Madam actually from?"

"What does the Big Mistress eat on TV?" I want to laugh amusedly hearing such an innocent question.

"Well, usually if the morning breakfast with bread in it is given vegetables, fish, cheese. Or else the bread is stuffed with cow's eye eggs, sausages are just as thinly fried meat. But madam is different, eating her is always not strange. Sorry before, Madam's appetite is the same as ours..."

"Yes because we are both human Mother, so the appetite is the same, hehe..." I am cool talking with Mbak Asih while cooking. Talk about light things. Dialogue like this makes me happy.

"Mbak Asih was curious where did I come from? I'm from a small town in Jatim Mbak. When I was a kid, eating like this was a luxury. I used to eat one pack of noodles divided by three people..."

"But now you can eat anything as much as you love, cup..." Suddenly a pair of burly hands had tightly wrapped around my waist. The smell of his distinctive body scent filled my five senses. My body immediately stiffened.

I want to throw a chili in his face. Hit his body with a yaw. My breathing changed rapidly due to emotions. The touch felt so disgusting. I'd like to brute his hand, but I'm sure it'll spark a fight.

Patience... Patience... I can't be emotional. I have to think about my baby. I should always be happy. Let's just say what's sticking to me right now is a cat. I can't be affected. Let's just say he doesn't exist.

Alex hugged me from behind. Peeping. I don't shake and ignore it. I keep frying the chicken, assuming that she doesn't exist.

"I came home last night, you're asleep. Miss you..." Lied to!! A lie!! Your mouth is so sweet. I won't trust you anymore!

"Here, look at me." Alex flipped my body. Made me face to face with him. Our Eyes looked. The flashes of his actions that hurt me began to scatter. The thing that hurt me the most was I almost lost my baby to this guy. I won't let that happen again. I don't want to repeat the same mistake.

"I miss this face. Being away from you drives me crazy. Kiss Me. I miss you so much..." Alex covered my face. Close our lips. Before our lips really touched each other, I threw out my face. She pushed down her hand that wrapped my face and turned around. I went back to my cooking routine.

Alex seems dissatisfied with my attitude. He came back to me from behind. Smell my collarbone and cheek. I wanted to hit him on the head with a spatula in my hand.

"Riggers? Don't sulk dear, the beauty will be gone. Poor dong Alkha has a mother who is not beautiful anymore." Hearing him say the name Alkha made my blood boil again. I calmed my feelings down so as not to get too emotional and scratched her face.

Patience, for Alkha's sake I should be able to hold back my emotions. Let's just say he's a bird that I don't need to listen to.

Deck, today we ate well. Well, there's a terasi sambal. We will definitely spend a lot of rice. We must eat a lot, so that you are always healthy. Later We will think of a way to meet the Doctor Ma'am Yes Dek. Meanwhile, Mama cook first yes.

I cuddled my ears. I don't know what Alex is talking about. I don't want to respond to it. I'm just focused on forming my own world with my baby. A more beautiful world, with no Alex in it.

***

Happy Reading 😑