I'm Just a Figurant
Ch 22 - Trying to Forget You

I ran and ran. I don't care about nosy views and want to know them. I just ran while shedding tears. Trying to cast away the shadow of the pitiful figure in my head.

My steps led me to my hideout, behind the school building. I sat there and cried.

"Huuu... Huuu... Hikkkk... Huuu..." I was crying and crying. Word by word I started popping up in my head.

"You evil Khansa... You are so evil. You're not a good girl... Plaque!! You're evil... Plaque!! How could you possibly say such words to him? The one who helped you so much? Huu... Huuo..." I cried while hitting my head.

I wanted Alex to immediately hate me, but it seemed like the words I said were too harsh. I regret. I shouldn't have scratched Alex's weakness like that. Alex would hate me so much. For the rest of his life he will never forgive me.

"Huu... Huu... Gone already... Is lost... You have no friends back... Khansa stupid... The stupid khansa... Huuu..." I could only sob while feeling sorry for myself.

I don't care when the bell rings. I just sat there hiding my face behind my arms. I was crying and crying.

No one will care anymore. No matter how much I cry, no one will look for me. Asking me is fine. Ask me what my problem is. Nothing helps me learn anymore. No more taking me for a walk, a luxury I rarely get. No one will care anymore whether I take the exam or not. No one will care anymore!!

Those who care about me are gone. Is lost... I threw him out. I made him stay away. Regretting is now free. We can't go back to how we used to be.

I sat there by myself. Crying my own stupidity. I was standing when the last lesson was over. I skipped two subjects.

Now I'm confused what to behave like? How is our fate going forward? I really don't have a view.

When the school starts to quiet I walk to the parking lot and pick up my paddle bike. I took the bike to the highway. Memories after memories began to emerge. No more handsome, idle young men pulling my bike. No one's hugging me anymore. Everything feels empty and empty. My heart was empty and painful.

I paddled my bike while crying. The crying didn't go away until I got home. It seems my father understood the feelings of a teenager who was being unstable. He left me alone, crying over my broken heart that I don't know how many times.

***

The days went on as usual. Although I'm not school spirit, I'm trying to get myself excited. I was often in class, daydreaming and daydreaming.

Lonely and languishing. That's the feeling I feel. I still cry when I remember Alex. Remembering my evil treatment of him.

For the next few weeks I never saw Alex. I was so curious about the news, yet I was so afraid to find out. It seems Alex really hates me. After that incident, he never looked for me again. We have no relationship anymore.

Almost a month passed when I heard the news. Almost all the friends in the class talked about them, because they were a phenomenal couple in my school. Alex and Diana are dating again.

My feelings between relief and heartache became one. I'm relieved that Alex won't be heartbroken again. But my heart also ached, for I was completely forgotten by him.

I've been crying for a few weeks. One day I found my spirit again. Yeah, I decided to forget about Alex. I know this feeling won't just go away. It'll take some time I don't know how long. Referring to that decision, I began to focus my mind on something else, namely education and family!

I went to the library and studied subjects I did not understand. I also went to the multimedia room to access lessons I couldn't understand.

Slowly but surely I began to understand those lessons. My test scores aren't bad anymore, although they can't be good. But at least my grades are in the middle.

Without feeling the exam grade 3 also took place. I did the exam well. And when it comes to reporting, I can smile proudly. My grades rank in the top fifteen in the class. A pride for me and my father.

I am in 3rd grade now. Class division is not based on the value of report again, but is likened to the previous class so that friends in class 3 are the same as friends in class 2.

I don't care anymore. I am immune to their treatment. Want them to put me in any class I will accept, as long as I don't class with Alex and Diana.

Speaking of Alex, I sometimes see him with Diana. Once upon a time, while I was on my way to the library, I ran into them.

Our Eyes looked. My heart still rippled as usual. That feeling cannot just disappear. Alex is still able to make my heart flutter. We stared for a few seconds before Alex turned his face first. Alex looks fed up with me.

I bowed my face. It's only natural that Alex is sick. I've been so mean to her. It seems his disgust for me will last for a lifetime.

***

In 3rd grade I learned more. Not only did I study at school, I also studied at home. I'm working on exam questions that are most likely to be in the national exam.

My father was happy to see me who seemed to be a learning spirit. He supported me a lot and worked harder.

Sometimes there are some things that make me sad, such as Fian who often asks where Alex is. Fian seemed to miss being taken for a walk again. When it was like that, I turned Fian's attention to something else.

There's one more thing that always reminds me of Alex. It was because of the existence of Alkhans. The cat has started to grow big and fat.

Alkhans became my solder. I always pour out my heart to Alkhans. A heart that I cannot give to others. Me and the cat became close to each other.

Sometimes Alkhans will follow me when I'm leaving for school. I need to lock her up inside the house so she doesn't follow me.

When I get home from school, Alkhans will welcome me with joy. He licked my hand while meowing. Alkhans' existence fills the void of my heart because of Alex's departure. Only Alkhans knows my heart. Only Alkhans knows all my stories.

"Healthy by Al. So fat and smart. I hope your father will always be healthy, smart, and kind. I hope your father won't turn into someone else again. I hope he will always be happy. Because if she's happy, I'll be happy for her, too..."

***

Happy Reading 😢