I'm Just a Figurant
Ch 38 - Andre's Anger
Andre looked at me sharply, making me powerless to return his gaze. I feel intimidated. Guilt haunted me.
Although I don't love her, I accept her as my girlfriend. For two months he treated me very well. But I really wasted his kindness.
I never treated him well. Even my attitude was always rude to him. But Andre never took offense to my attitude.
I should never have accepted Andre's feelings that I would end up hurting him. Pity-driven and perhaps my heart can open with others, I accept it.
In reality my heart remains for Alex. Even my body now belongs to Alex.
The guilt was growing in my heart. I went to see Alex and slept with him as Andre's girlfriend. I really became a cheap, self-destructive woman.
"Sha?" Andre cut my reverie.
"Can you tell me the real reason?" Andre was silent, taking a deep breath. "Is it because you haven't been able to open your heart to me? I'm willing to wait for you Sha. If you reject my proposal at this time, it's okay. We're still going to date. I'll wait for you to be ready and reapply..."
"No, it's not."
"meaning?"
"I want our relationship to get here. We'd better be friends..."
"Shaa! If you're angry that I proposed to you, I'll drop my proposal. Let's just say I never proposed to you. Our relationship will return to its original form. But please Sha... I don't want our relationship to end. You know, I've liked you for a long time? I love you Sha... Please, don't end our relationship..." Andre's voice looked clear. She held my hand, begging not to end our relationship.
My eyes are burning with tears. I looked at Andre sadly. Look at his face fixedly. Why isn't this the man I love? A sincere man loves me? A man who has serious intentions to marry me?
Why do I have to love the same man for so long? Why can't my feelings change? Why doesn't my heart let this guy in?
A thought flashed through my mind.
Andre... Would you like me 12 years ago? Will you assume I exist and not ignore me? Will you treat Me well when others are not even aware of my presence?
Because Alex did it all for me. Alex was there when no one else was. Alex made me a valuable person. Alex made me the Khansa I am now.
Andre... Suppose we met a dozen years ago, would you like this? Love me sincerely and treat me well?
"Hiks..." Unknowingly I sobbed. I feel sorry for Andre. Isakan for knowing the real reason I can't take Alex out of my heart.
"Khanza... Why crying? Don't cry, baby..." Andre tried to hold me in a hug, but I refused his embrace subtly.
"Ja-don't touch me Mas..."
"Don't cry Sha. Please, I want our relationship to continue..."
"But I can't Mas."
"Why Sha? What do I have to do to change your mind? I'll do anything Sha... Please Sha... I don't want to break up..."
"I don't love you, Mom."
"Yes Sha, I know that. I'm willing to wait for you..."
"I love other men." I tried to be firm.
"WHAT?!!" Andre looked up, looking at me in disbelief.
"But I'm talking honestly. There's another man I love. That's why I can't accept your feelings..."
"Haha... I can't believe it. If the reason you broke up with me is because of this, don't expect me to let you go..."
"I've slept with him!"
Andre's laughter stopped immediately. His mouth was tightly clenched. He looked at me very sharply.
"Your flair is no longer funny Sha. Stop it, I don't like it."
"I'm not kidding! I slept with him! Yesterday night! Last night we did it!" I screamed, trying to wake Andre up. It sounds evil, but I have to tell you the truth. I don't want Andre to expect too much from me.
Andre's face looked pale. He looked at me with a stare. A streak of disbelief, hurt, disappointment, sadness sprinkled in his eyes. He looks at me fixedly. Trying to find the lie point on my face.
"You're kidding me, aren't you Sha?" I shook my head. "You must be kidding me... N-no way my innocent girl did that... Hahaha, you must be kidding Sha, right?"
"I'm not kidding!! If you don't believe me, I can do a test to make you believe. I really slept with him. I loved her so much. That's why I'm willing to do it."
"Aarrggghhhh!! Aarrrrgh!!" Suddenly surprisingly Andre shouted while grabbing his hair. His eyes were red with anger and other emotions mixed in them.
Andre looked at me and grabbed both my shoulders. He shook my shoulders strongly.
"Who is that man?!! Who-is-she?! I'm gonna kill him!! I'll kill him!!" Andre shouted out loudly. It seemed like he had completely lost his mind.
"Aarrrghhh!! Arrghhh!!Arghhhh!!" Andre screaming. He slapped his hand on the sofa. A second later, he covered his face. Body shaking. Andre crying.
I became the most sinful woman on earth. My heart hurts to see it that way. I know what heartache feels like. But now I'm breaking people's hearts. Andre must be disappointed. I really hurt her heart.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry Mas... Sorry..." With doubt I pat Andre on the back. The man's body remained trembling. She was crying without a sound. His body tremors showed everything.
"Tega You Sha... Tega..." A raucous voice mixed with sobs of silent cry. Andre is heartbroken.
I'm crying too.
Excuse me... Sorry I'm Mas... I'm sorry I hurt you. I shouldn't have accepted your feelings in the first place. That way I won't give false hope. Andre Mas... Forget Me... Find a good woman for you. Who loves you sincerely. Not a woman like me. This filthy, cheap woman doesn't deserve to be with you. May you be happy, Mas.
"Where is that man? I want to meet him..." After a long cry, Andre rubbed the tears on his cheek and looked at me. I'm getting nervous.
"Un-for what?"
"I want to make sure he'll take responsibility for you. I want to make sure he's a good guy. After making sure and sure, then I'll let you go for him. When can I meet him?" Andre's gaze was very firm. I was afraid to imagine how Andre would behave if he knew the real story.
"I-that doesn't need Mas. He is in charge. In-he's gonna take me to meet his parents. He's gonna marry me..."
And I lied without seeing his face.
***
Poor U Khansa 😩
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