I'm Just a Figurant
Ch 42 - Making a Decision

I sat down weakly in the car. My mind seems empty. I can't think. I looked at my flat stomach and held it.

"So you're really in here huh? You really came into my life. Wh why? Do you feel sorry for seeing me alone? Is that why you want to accompany me?"

I took out the USG results and looked at him deeply. The 3D USG photo shows a tiny creature the size of a bean seed.

"So this is your form? It's tiny..." I rubbed my stomach gently.

"Hey... Can you hear my voice?" My eyes were glazed over, tears were beginning to pour back.

Although I was very surprised and my mind was in confusion, there was not the slightest bit of hatred for this little baby. All there was was was a feeling of disbelief, that the baby was actually in my stomach right now.

I was confused by my fate and this baby. The future looks gray to me. There is no clarity. What worries me most is the fate of this baby.

"What should we do? We're just two now. We need to strengthen each other..."

"Ahh, what a pity for your fate. You are here because of our mistake. No one wants you. Will others be able to accept you?

"What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? Huu... Hiccu..." I was crying alone.

My mind wanders everywhere. Alex's face was there. The face of a man I cannot possibly have. A face I could not hope to have next to me. Listening to my grievances. Gave me a way out of this confusion.

"Alexes... I pregnant. In my stomach is our baby. What am I supposed to do? I can't throw it away. This baby is innocent. This baby is here because of our mistake. But that doesn't mean we can refuse his presence..."

"Alexes... Would you be angry if I gave birth to this baby? Allow me to give birth to her... Don't hate me..."

"Alexes... Maybe God didn't tell me to love you. But allow me to love that part of you. I promise I won't interfere with your life. I promise her presence won't hold you back. I will love him with all my heart. I will give all my love to him. I will love him many times over. Covering up the portion of love he couldn't get from his father. Alex, please don't hate me. Let me take care of her and raise her. We really won't interfere with your life. Let him live with me. Let him accompany me. Alex, happy..."

I hugged my own body. It felt as if I was hugging the baby. The baby is the fruit of our mistakes. I have to take responsibility for his presence. Whatever the future risk, I decided to give birth to her.

***

I'm back on my no-go-to-work permit. I need to organize a lot of things. Some days my brain thinks, how good our future is.

I got pregnant out of wedlock. This situation will not be accepted by all. Because this is very incompatible with eastern customs.

Women who become pregnant out of wedlock, must receive every societal treatment on her. Whether it is ostracized, used as a material for speech, rejected and underestimated. The family of the woman will not escape the social sanctions.

Remembering my family made me think of my father and mother. They will be very disappointed in me. Children who they think always boast of doing things outside the norms of society. I can't imagine her disappointed face.

"Dad, Mother... Ii'm sorry... Sorry to disappoint you. But I can't throw this baby away. This baby is innocent. Let me bear this mistake. Let this baby be born and live in this world. Dad, Mum... Please forgive me..." The tears came back.

I will cut the wounds on the faces of those I love and love. I will disappoint them greatly. But no matter how disappointed they are, I still can't throw this baby away. I'll face whatever it takes as long as I can deliver this baby safely.

***

"All right, we're gonna start a new life now. I should give birth to you quietly. Away from those who will insult you. We have to be strong..." I stroked my stomach while typing a letter of resignation. I plan to give you that letter tomorrow. The faster the better. Because if it's too long I'm afraid people are starting to notice my pregnancy.

After typing the resign letter, I started looking for a city that could be headed. I can't go home to my town, because it's gonna smear my family's face. I was looking for another city that had almost the same economic growth as Surabaya, and I decided to go to Malang.

Yes, we can live in Malang. I'll find a freelance job or become a credit card or insurance agent. Because to find a job with a position as a permanent employee is already impossible for me, considering I am pregnant out of wedlock, even though my experience is very sufficient in banking.

I checked my savings balance. Saldoku is actually quite a lot. Serving as RMF makes me have a double-digit salary. I just used that paycheck for car loans, mediocre living expenses and paying Fian tuition. Every month there's a lot left, so I can use it to save.

The six-year savings account reached three digits. Enough to finance our lives for the next few years. But I don't want to rely on that money. I'll find another income that I can use to meet our daily living needs. That's why I decided to keep working, even if only as an agent.

***

Mr. Arif stared at my resignation letter with his mouth open. He looked very surprised. Didn't expect to read the letter this time.

"Khansa, what does this letter mean? You're kidding, right?"

"No sir, I'm not kidding. I intend to quit this company."

"Why all of a sudden? What reason? What's the salary problem? Or targets? I can take both. What salary are you asking for?"

"Sorry sir, it's not a matter of salary. But there's another reason I can't say."

"I won't accept your letter of resignation." Mr. Arif put his hands together in front of his chest. Seemed completely unwilling to let me resign before knowing the real reason. I became a dilemma.

I can't possibly tell you the real reason. It's my disgrace, I have to close it well. Actually, it doesn't matter if they use me, but I can't stand if later this child will receive the curse.

"I have to go home to my city Sir..."

"Why? What's up?"

"I'm going to marry you sir. That's why I resigned from this company."

***

Happy Reading 😥

- Don't ask Alex where, because still I kekepin 😌

- Do not ask Alex POV, because it will appear at the end of the story.

Thank kaseeeh 😆😁