Finding You, Again
ELUIRA 2 - Bored to death

Bored..I'm so bored!!!.

These past two weeks, my activities have only ranged between hospital and home. Dr. Alva checked and gave me therapy - which I didn't even bother to remember because it was so complicated - that I had to go back to the hospital.

During the therapy, I was always sedated, so I did not know what form of therapy I was receiving.

And in accordance with his promise, all the diagnostic results were also explained to me and Oscar simultaneously.

According to the doctor, my memory was lost most likely because some of my memory nerves were disturbed by the blood clot,

My memory is very random. I forgot all about what happened over the past month, but I remember well, the day of the dinner with Oscar and Charlie. My memory was absent for the day before.

Analogously, my brain is like a clogged pipe network. The clogged part is forgotten, while the other part still drains the memory smoothly.

To be sure, I still don't understand how I can forget Dr. Alva perfectly, none of the things I remember about her.

And worse, he didn't know how it happened either.

Quoting his explanation yesterday 'The nerves of the brain and human memory are not like other medical science that has been certain. There are still many mysteries in the human brain that have not even been solved by science and medicine that exist today'

Well.. If you said so. I definitely don't want to argue with him.

Today is the last day of therapy in the hospital. Thinking about what I'm going to do tomorrow really bored me.

"Are I not working after I quit ballet?" I asked Charlie who was talking to my family's driver, Alex - I also remember about him, even I still remember the names of his two children and how old they were ck.

"What...? Yes, of course, baby. You're not working and you're just at home" Charlie said as he stared at the highway in front of a heavily trafficked car. "Do what at home?" ask again.

"Well you know.shopping, sightseeing, to the salon..".

"Ohalone??" my sergeant, I don't think it out. I don't like to shop what else to the salon, I know that for sure.

"Of course not!!, with me" replied Charlie. "What's this about? Why are you asking this again? Dr. Alva forbids you to think about things you've forgotten, right?" he asked while looking at the back seat.

"I'm just bored, I can't figure out how I got through the day without a job"

Like I'm not, I added in my heart.

"Hm.. How about you ask Oscar for a job? " said Charlie after a long silence.

"Delmor Corp has Dad? I don't like office work" I said.

Imagining me having to struggle with sales and accounting numbers makes me shudder. I'm not at all talented in accounting.

Accutance scores during my school days, never far from the numbers 3 and 5 - ha.ha I even remember this embarrassing memory. Come on brain.you're supposed to be clogging it too-you're supposed to be clogging it

"We'll talk about it again with Oscar later huh, don't think OK?" Said Charlie.

Heloooo... If I don't think about it, then what's in my brain???

Just because of my great love for Charlie, which finally made me swallow those words back. I don't want to add to his worries.

"I'll cook your favorite meal for dinner tonight, cheer up a little bit"

Both my thumbs went on the air to answer him, I was lazy to argue.

I looked out the car window again.

The feeling of what has been haunting me for the past two weeks is coming back. I felt like I had completely forgotten something important.

All those memories matter to Lui, my inner self, repeating dr. Alva. But the sense of emptiness and emptiness that I felt was very real, as if I was looking at an endless black hole.

Not to mention the pain that was very, very, because of what made me want to cry. It's ironic that I can't cry to stay sober, but now I want to cry over something I don't remember.

Ahhhh!!!!!

I tried hard to hold back tears. I didn't tell anyone about this. Oscar and Charlie were already quite worried about my situation.

Dr. The alva? he'll just tell me to forget.

But it's not gonna be that easy Doc! Because part of me feels that I will be completely destroyed if I forget it.

\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~

Arriving home I chose to watch tv - boring indeed. But I'll give it a chance-in my room. If my memory of this is correct, I very rarely watch TV.

And... I regretted it in 5 minutes.

Half of the existing television stations are inexplicably airing celebrity news - which is gossiping about the artist's life etc - - and it's amazing to be discussing the same thing. The singer somehow names her - like I care - lost at sea due to a storm.

Yeahh.. They aired alternately how sad the fans and friends of the singer because of the loss. Crying and not forgetting the sad music became the perfect BGM for the show.

Huh.. There have been enough cries and problems in my life, no need for more than others.

After that pesky blob, I completely avoided the spectacle that could potentially bring tears. It would be ridiculous if I suddenly fainted from watching the drama. And I know my weakness. I cry easily because of the drama.

Tired of hitting the remote, I gave up and stopped at Animal Planet.

I watched it and decided it was a good show. I have always loved animals, especially tigers and cats. It just so happens that the show is discussing the life of the panther. Unfortunately, the show was almost over. Irritatedly I pressed the power button when the credit title had appeared on the screen.

I'm not a match for TV today. One show I enjoyed and it's over.

I'll try to read! break up immediately.

My boredom has reached its maximum level now. Reading is the activity I avoid the most, because I am so aware, my brain is less imaginative.

My ability to translate a writer's imagination is lacking, as a result of which I can't enjoy reading a novel like the Oscar.

I went down to the reading room on the first floor. This room is Oscar's favorite place in this house. He used to spend a lot of time here if the school was off, but because of his busy life, now this room has long been untouched.

I recognize a new row of books that usually add up almost every week. But looking at the number that didn't add up from the last time I saw it - which was about 2 months ago - it meant Oscar was so busy that he didn't have a seat to read.

Haha....!!!

My special brain, can't remember what happened about 2 weeks ago, but can remember in detail what book Oscar put here about 2 months ago.

Awesomeaaaa!!! my mind is irritated.

Never mind Lui, there's no point in you cursing!!

I calmed down before my annoyance turned into an exaggerated emotion.

After taking the novel and looking for a comfortable position, I began to read.

And as usual, my brain refused to cooperate on translating whatever the author wanted. Soon, my eyes stopped focusing on the pages of the book and my mind floated freely towards the daydreams.

Yah.. These two weeks with a lot of free time that I had to daydream, I managed to find a definite point where my memory started to fog.

Shortly after I stopped ballet!!

I can remember all the paths of my life well before that point.

Where I went to school, - Royal Ballet School in New York - what and with whom I had performed, the plane crash, waking up in the hospital feeling like a mummy.

Mom and Charlie cried when they saw me wake up, then when the doctor decided I should stop ballet, My late Mom, Charlie and Oscar did all sorts of things to cheer me up. One of them is to take me on vacation to France. All the memories of it are perfect.

And that's it!!!!

After that my memory was really messed up.

I don't even remember how the trip to France ended. I forgot about the total events of the next few months, my memory was empty for 6 more months, then my memory jumped when Oscar told me that Mom was shot and finally died.

Of course it's too much for me because I've been unconscious and in a coma for a year.

I remember this, but I have absolutely no memory of how I woke up and ended up going through hard times - - muscle therapy, physical etc., because believe me, I know how I got up, sleeping for a year will make your body almost paralyzed - after that coma.

More pauses and holes pafa memory me at this point. Very few of my memories remained, not even enough to string them together into a story.

Those pieces of memory, I think, are the places I've been to.

Hills on the beach somewhere, lavender fields, dense forests that also do not know where, even a very beautiful white sandy beach.

The pieces left something that made me want to always remember them.

Doctor Alva had prevented me from thinking about those memories, but there was a soothing warmth that surrounded me as I tried to remember them, as if the fog that obscured my memory was washed away by the sun.

Warm...

But somehow the warmth sometimes makes me sad and empty. Exhausted because I have absolutely no idea of the origin and how the warmth exists.

I want to stop this foggy memory flow. But at the same time, I also wanted to keep holding her tightly, although painful, I refused to let go.

"It's going to really drive me crazy" I muttered at last slamming the innocent novel into the table next to me.

"Any bad book?"

"Aaaaghh" I shouted in shock. "Oscar, don't like to walk like a ghost without such a sound" I shouted again.

"I'm not trying to walk like a ghost, you're too immersed in the book" Oscar said as he walked over and picked up the book he had slammed into and put it back in place.

"Why have you come home? Usually you're never home before 9." I asked as I pulled him to sit next to me.

I did not rectify his words, which assumed I was reading, not daydreaming.

"Because Charlie said you were bored" he replied, looking at me gently.

I smiled broadly too hearing it. "You're the best, brother" I shifted a bit away then put my head on her thigh.

My brother and I are very close. We only have each other.

Mom and Dad never made us feel abandoned.

But with Mom's job as a famous ballet-farming dancer-and Dad who's the CEO of a sizable company, their time for us is certainly very limited. From my childhood to my teens, I spent it with my brother and of course Charlie

Other than that I was getting busy with professional ballet, the other reason was that Oscar was getting preoccupied with girls clinging to him like leeches. My brother's charm is overrated.

Hhh..

Oscar's face was near perfect, nose pointed, jaw square, dark blue eyes - like my eyes -, sparkling golden blonde hair - just like me too.he-he.

Not to mention his playful nature - after all, he's not a playboy, it's just that he can't stand the whining and tears of any woman - and I know about this from childhood, anyway, I have used it well--

Because of that nature, she is often seen dating different girls.

Imagine, almost every day someone asks her for a date and almost entirely accepted - even those who are rejected because I asked, they are definitely not good girls.ck- . Of course eventually the playboy nickname stuck with him until now.

Did he ever fall in love? Like truly love someone?

I don't know about this either. My brother would voluntarily share his whole daily story if I asked, but when it came to a lover, a girlfriend or an affair - Maybe--he always kept his mouth shut like a clam.

"I really can't imagine how I could spend my time just sitting at home" I said.

"Hmmm......" Oscar started stroking my hair gently. "Just work for me"

"Oscars..!! You know I hate office work the most "I can't wait.

"Yes, listen to me until I'm done" I pulled my ears in an agitation.

"Sakiittt!!" my yelling.

"Lied!!! You wanna hear no?"

This time my nose was the target. I just smiled and raised my thumb.

"You're gonna put me in Charity"

"Charity? ... We have charity division?"

I've never heard of this at all or maybe I've forgotten it.

"Yes! Mom made it a few months before she died" he continued.

"This is indeed a very unpopular division, because this division does not make money at all, very rarely there are employees who willingly want to work in this division. Some even refer to this division as 'Hell Hole' "

"What's? How come?" I don't think it out.

"Because in this division it is certain there will be no bonuses, promotions or anything. They'll just get a salary, that's all. Well.the division employee is only 2 people anyway"

"Ohh" I understand.

"I don't really want to make it that way, because it's Mom's legacy anyway, but I really don't have time to take care of it. I just entrust all the management to them. I rarely even read their monthly reports" Oscar ended his explanation in a regretful tone.

Actually it doesn't sound so bad. No pressure, no argument, just giving away money. It's awesome, I thought excited.

"Err... Who makes the monthly report isn't me, is it?" manywry.

"Of course not! You'll have a secretary there. Tell him to make okay? Your job is to choose anything or anyone who will get help, it's nice isn't it?"

I nodded excitedly to hear it too.

"Eh.. Where is the source of money we are sharing? From people's donations?" ask again. It is a little difficult to imagine how such a non-profit division can run up to several years.

"There are donations, but most of them come from corporate profits that are deliberately set aside. For this year about 5% of the company's profits I'm flowing there." Oscar's clear. "

That's not much." I said, frowning.

A soft flick landed on my forehead. "Do you know how much Delmor earns per year? 5% is equivalent to $10,000,000 "I shut my mouth in shock at Oscar's explanation.

5% of the profit is $10,000,000??? Means the total overall income per year is..errr okay, I m not that smart.

"You don't have to count it, you might faint later" Oscar said, giggling. I threw the jewel into his ear with a lump.

"That's a lot of money. You're so great brother" I gave him my thumbs.

I knew my brother was smart - really smart - no wonder, after Delmor turned to Oscar, it was growing so fast. Oscar developed it into an even bigger company than when Dad held it.

"Because of that amount of money, there are a lot of aid proposals sent to the office every day. You have to do a thorough evaluation of each proposal. It would be very annoying if it turns out that the foundation we provide help is fake, beware of many like this. Understood it? "

"Aye.aye captain." Respect me while smiling.

"Give me 3 days to clean up the existing employee files, after which you can start working" he continued.

"You're going to fire him?!!" My great-grandson is shocked.

I don't want to work there, if that means someone's gonna lose their job.

"Of course not. I'm just going to move it to another division." he replied, pinching my cheek in an agitation.

"You think I'm gonna be that mean to my employees? And I think they'll be happy because they'll be out of that hell hole. It's a win win solution. They can develop their careers in other divisions, whereas you, wouldn't need career development right? "

"Oh.. I won't get a bonus, will I?" I muttered automatically without thinking.

Oscar held my head with both hands and started to ruffle my hair.

"Eluira Ignes Delmora, you are the number 3 largest shareholder in Delmor Corp. The money that flows into your account per year amounts to far more than the amount of money that flows into that division. So, I'm sorry to say this. I'm not even gonna pay you a dime understand?"

I laughed when I heard it.

"okay boss. Can I call you boss in the office?" I asked while glancing naughty.

"Nope.. Don't even dare to try.you little devil" he growled.

I laughed even louder hearing that.

"Oh.. But you still love me right?"

Oscar didn't answer me, but a warm kiss landed on my forehead.

"Laugh like this often"

"Okey brother's..I love you too"

I know, Oscar's very worried about me lately.

Well.. I'll make sure this doesn't happen again. I hate to see him sad because of me.

"Oh yeah-I've bought you a new phone" he said suddenly, grabbing a paper bag on the floor next to the chair.

"New phone?", I said confused.

"You broke your old phone before you fainted, well at least I can buy you the latest one now. Yesterday you always rejected him on the grounds there was no need, right?"

"I forgot that my phone is broken" I replied bitterly.

I am not a gadget freak, the absence of a mobile phone does not bother me at all. My phone is just for calling.

I do not like typing messages or socializing in cyberspace - do not ask about SNS accounts. I rarely open emails - I've been using the same phone for the last 5 years.

My memory is clear on this.

I grabbed the phone in the paper bag and checked it.Oscar bought a phone with a newer model than the one before.

I clicked the contact icon on the phone, and saw there were only 6 names there - Oscar, Dad, Charlie, dr. Alva, Alex, and Mark (the family driver too)- It's so sad, my inner self.

Before I stopped ballet, my world revolved around Ballet.

Yep.. Exercise, eat, sleep. It was my only daily activity. Maybe that's why I still have no friends other than ballet.

But since I cut off all ties with the friends at the Royal Ballet School when I stopped - it was too painful to see them still being able to dance freely-, practically now I have no friends.

I don't really want to break up with them.

But when I met them, I always felt hopeless and left behind.

I have nothing else to talk about but ballet.

Eventually we all became distant, and began to drift away naturally. And to be honest I became more relieved after that, no need to pretend to be happy when I saw them, often I had to try to smile when I heard their discussion of ballet.

When the doctor - not doctor Alva, I remember this - told me that I had to stop ballet, right then and there, I felt my world collapse.

It's my everything, everything I have. I work really hard to be a great ballerina. The hundred thousand hours I have spent training, are wasted!!

I cried for days at a time when it - fainted many times as well - of course -, locked myself up, not wanting to meet anyone.

I can't possibly enjoy a casual conversation with all my friends. My decision to move away slowly made me calmer.

Hhh.... I feel better now, of course.

And the stupidest thing is, I don't remember how I got through that depression.

This is so absurd!!

To be able to think about this freely feels like a miracle. Well.fucking blob.

Once again gave me an incomplete memory for this matter.

"Is something wrong?" ask Oscar suddenly. "You look at your phone without doing anything"

"No.of course not. Sorry, I'm just daydreaming"

Oscar suddenly grabbed my hand and stood up. "Let's eat, Charlie will be waiting"

"Eh.ayo" I said a little surprised by the sudden invitation.

Maybe he was hungry, I thought.