Finding You, Again
Us 11 - Monster and Bitter

The consciousness started to creep up, making me able to hear the sounds that were all around.

Something hit my cheek warmly, accompanied by the sound of heavy breathing, filled my right ear.

I tried to open my eyes with great difficulty because it felt heavy and sticky. Although a glimmer of light entered my eyes, my vision was still very blurred.

My eyes blinked a few times, before finally the objects around me became clear.

The wooden and very high triangular ceiling, was the first thing I saw. I certainly don't recognize him.

I can feel the prick of an infusion needle on my left hand, is this a hospital? But what kind of hospital has wooden ceilings and such height?

A gentle snort in the right ear, made me remember, there was someone lying next to me. I turned my head as fast as I could.

"Aaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

My scream takes up all the air in my lungs.... It's Duke!!

I must stay away from him!!! Creepy memories came to my mind....Blood, fangs and heads scattered.

I dragged a barely powered body, with all the determination I had. Forcing to get out of bed. I don't care where I am, which is why I must stay away from Duke....

The duke shouted something I couldn't hear, but the shout had already managed to make my body shiver with fear.

I need to stay away!!! He's not human, he's gonna kill me.....

"Aghh...No!!!"

I screamed because he caught me.

My shoulders and hands were tightly clutched. My cry broke out as overwhelming fear rolled me mercilessly.

He will definitely kill me now!!....

"Please don't!!" I could only sob, as I felt his body start to approach me. He jerked my body, until my face turned to face him.

"Please let me go!" I groaned, closing my eyes. I don't want to see that creepy face.

He's not a human......!!

"Bee, look at me. It's me!!' the screams still clutching my arm.

"No.you're creepy. I don't want to see you!!" I struggled trying to release his hand. But the hand is strong.

"Let go of me, you monster!!' I screamed in despair.

Suddenly, the grip slipped. Without wasting the opportunity, I dragged my body away. I have to get as far away from him as possible.

But I could feel how consciousness was beginning to leave my body.

"No, not now.." I pleaded with her.

I heard footsteps running over, just before black swallowed the light in my eyes.....

---------- *0o0*----------------

The sound of a deafening scream, as if slapping me violently.

I woke up and opened my eyes. Then look around confused.

The bee?

The voice came from Bee who was next to me. I must have accidentally fallen asleep in bed last night.

Bee is now trying to get out of bed. "Bee, what are you doing?"

As if not hearing, Bee continued to shift her body away.

I tried to grab her hand to prevent her from going down, but it was too late. He dropped himself onto the floor, and started dragging his body widening the distance.

The needle of the infusion was forcefully plucked, leaving a conspicuous splash of blood on the bed, which was covered in white sheets.

"Bee, stop!!" I shouted once more, and jumped down to chase after him.

I grabbed both of his upper arms to make him stop. But it made him scream back. She even started crying now.

"Please don't.." his voice was softly begging me. I stare foolishly at his moans.

What the hell's going on? I've repeated this question a million times in my heart.

I flipped Bee's body, which tried to fight me with great difficulty. Her face was full of tears, making me almost cry as well out of pain.

What made him suffer like that? Bee closed his eyes tightly.

"Please let me go!" the slashing stuff spewed out of Bee's mouth, begging me to let it go.

What's the matter? Did something happen to his brain again? Did he forget me again? Question after question flashed through my mind.

"Bee, look at me! It's me." It's me." I said more slowly, pleading for Bee to see me, maybe he'd be calmer if he recognized me.

"No.you're creepy. I don't want to see you" Bee nodded with a gasp of breath.

I'm creepy?

Bee began to wriggle weakly, trying to break free.

"Let go of me, you monster!!" scream once more.

In that instant I fell down, my whole body as if it were falling. My hand that was gripping his arm was also squeezing.

Me? Did I scare her? Did I make it like this?

I could see Bee creeping away from me. But my brain lost function. I just stared blankly at Bee.

"Duke!!! What's going on?" I heard Mom's voice behind me.

I'm monster!!??

I'm the one who freaked Bee out. He doesn't want to see me anymore. She screamed hysterically when I touched her....

Emotions started to clog my throat, my eyes were hot with tears. All I want right now is to just roll on the floor and forget all about the world.

I don't care anymore-!!

I would love to brush off the hand that shook my body so many times.

"Duke, Lui passed out again!!" I beg you to say" Mom's tense voice, lunging forcibly into my brain.

I blinked my eyes, trying to focus. Uhh......

Bee was lying in an awkward position in the corner of the room. Long blonde hair, covering almost his entire face. His position looks very sad. He dragged his weak body to that extent, because he was so scared that I was here.

It's a joke, isn't it?

There's no way Bee really thinks I'm scary. I will never do anything that scares or hurts her.

"Duke!!!" Mom's panicked voice, made my sense back.

I got up and lifted Bee's body onto the bed and laid her down slowly. My hands and feet straightened perfectly. Irregular blond hair, stuck to his face from tears. I put the hair away and put it behind my ears.

"I'll call Sidra" Mom said quickly then walked away.

I punched the wound on Bee's hand that was torn from an intravenous needle, to stop the blood. After that, I sat on the sofa tired. My body seemed to have just been hit by the ruins of a hill. Tired and sick.

Bee calls me a monster, he knows me as a monster.

The bitterness I was trying to swallow, stuck in my throat, because of the urge of feeling ready to explode. I buried my face in both palms of my hands. I should be happy that Bee has woken up. But once again, my hope was shattered.

Bee doesn't want to see me, there's no way he can love me. I was the monster that caused his nightmares. I'm the one who makes his sleep uneasy. L'm......

"Scion!"

The heavy voice of Dr. Sidra didn't make me lift my face. I just nodded slowly.

"Duke..?" Mom's soft calls and strokes on my back, the more I wanted to scream. I took a deep breath to go back to swallowing the pain.

The nausea that began to feel familiar, came back.

I ran towards the bathroom. The acid and the rest of my dinner filled the closet.

"Duke, what's going on?"

Mom followed me to the bathroom. He started rubbing my back with worry.

"I'm fine, Mom"

But the second attack came, I regurgitated my stomach contents into the closet. I don't know how much I vomited before I could finally lift my face.

With Mom's help, I got up and headed for the sink.

I cleaned my face and then looked at my own reflection in the mirror. You look pathetic Duke! Of course Bee will call you a monster.

Bee hates everything that smells of monsters.

What did you expect? He'll hug you friendly and accept you even if you're a werewolf? my mind is cynical.

You forgot Bee was human? You forget she's just an ordinary woman who should have been afraid of monsters?

I stepped out with a shunt, then dropped myself onto the sofa. I leaned my still-rotating head against his padded backrest.

"Scions? You all right?" ask Dr. Sidra from the bed.

I shook my hand as a sign of my unimportant condition. "How's it going?" my many.

"I think Ms. Delmora was startled and hysterical, so she fainted again, Scion. His body temperature is rising again" Dr. Sidra checks the infusion, then injects the drug in Bee's arm.

"This is the last dose allowed. If he comes back unconscious after this, we can only wait" he added, continuing to check on Bee.

I laughed dryly hearing that. I know it.

The only thing that scared and hysterical was me. That means I have to stay away so she doesn't get hysterical or faint again.

"I'll check on you now" dr. Sidra approached my seat.

Dr's Face. Sidra immediately turned sour, not agreeing to my decision. But he obeyed and and said goodbye.

Slowly Mom sat next to me "What really happened?

Right now, I so wanted the existence of a mindlink, which could connect me with Mom, without having to turn into a werewolf. I wanted to tell him everything, but I didn't want to talk about it in person.

I felt that telling stories would only make my heart ache.

But I know Mom very well, she won't stop asking questions before I tell her.

So I forced my tongue to move, what just happened. And I was right, my heart was further broken as I repeated that scene in my head.

Bee's face that looked at me with fear made my heart ache. His face paled and was full of tears. His screams were embedded in my mind, as if slicing my heart into pieces.

How can I make it like that?!

Mom squeezed my hand, her eyes now filled with tears.

"Oh..Duke, don't worry, it's only for a while. He will accept you after knowing the truth" comforted her, hugging me.

"By just getting to know me further, it won't change the fact I'm a terrible monster in Mom's eyes" I said flatly.

Mom took off her hug and looked at me.

"But he accepted you for what you were before, didn't he?"

I told Mom everything that happened between me and Bee. I don't want any secrets between us. Not after everything we've been through to achieve this kind of state.

I answered him with a nod. "But he found out after we were together for a while, not after I blew someone's head and stomach off. It was still coupled with the fact that I turned into a truck-sized wolf, right in front of him" I explained, bitterly.

Bee was shocked to hear the inhumane and werewolf explanations. But that's all. After that Bee was very excited to see my wolf form. And at that moment I did not foolishly make the transformation before his eyes.

The change in the form of werewolves is not a beautiful sight let alone fun. Crunching bones, feathers and claws that suddenly came out of the body?

It sounds like a box office horror movie recipe to a normal human being. And I did it right in front of Bee a few days ago.

I should've guessed if this was gonna happen. I thought Bee passed out yesterday because it was a level of stress that could no longer be maintained. But no!! He fainted from fear when he saw me change.

I remember how Bee looked down while closing his eyes\, when the two werewolves br*ngs*k changed to form\, he missed the creepy sight.

But I was right in front of him while transforming.

Very smart, right?!!! my mind is full of irony.

"But she once accepted your wolf, meaning she was a strong woman. He was just surprised by Duke. Relax Okay?" I should have been comforted by Mom's words, but somehow it made me even more depressed.

"For a while, I will accompany him. I'll explain slowly about you, how?" mother proposes with forced enthusiasm.

I took a deep breath, and again threw my body into the back of the sofa fatigued. "Let's know Mom, psychic wounds are harder to deal with than Mom's physical wounds"

"You're gonna give up?" Mom's tone of voice seemed to rebuke me.

"Of course not" I replied with a bitter smile.

"I know you won't" Mom said, tidying up the hair that was scattering on my forehead.

"We both know you won't give up. Painful indeed, but Mate is something worth fighting for" he continued.

That sentence made me realize how tough the test Mom went through to be with dad.

I got up from the sofa and walked towards the big window, I pressed the button once again. "I'll....."

"Go away, don't worry about Lui. I'm not leaving him" Mom cut my words.

I stepped out of the balcony and transfomated, without caring about the clothes that were now splintered.

Regardless of the surroundings, I continued running away from the manor.

I headed for the forest I was tracing last night, at full speed. Some residents exclaimed in wonder, when they saw me running as fast as lightning. A number of residents had to jump in a stir to avoid a collision.

But I don't care about any of that, I just want to run.

I stopped when I reached Green Palm Lake.

In the summer, this place becomes a favorite place for tourists to picnic, because it is one of the tourist package destinations owned by Monath campground.

But autumn and winter this place is a disaster. The temperature around the lake is lower than anywhere around here. Ordinary humans would freeze if they came close.

In winter, the lake is empty and silent. A place that suits me.

I licked the clear surface of the lake, then sat on my four legs.

The shadow of my face reflected in the lake made me want to curse. There was a big, jet-black wolf, my long fangs, almost popping out of my snout. Sharp and dangerous.

I don't blame Bee if he wants to stay away. If I was in his position, then I would lock myself tightly in a safe place. To make sure you never see a creature like me again.

The reaction given by Bee was very normal for humans. Anyone would do the same.

The water I drank that was a while ago, went back up and out past my fangs once it reached the stomach. My lamb's state didn't get any better, after I was a werewolf.

I rubbed my snout in annoyance. Can't I just do what I want?!! rfor me.

"You've done it. You ran like a thief and stopped here. This is your wish, isn't it?" Roan interrupted my daydreams cynically.

"Oh come on, can't you leave me alone?" I said, with a huff.

I lifted my nose into the air. The scent of El and Roan was already very strong. They're not far from here.

"Of course not, leave you alone, and watch you go crazy? We are not that cruel" El replied with a hint of emotion.

Soon they came running from behind a tree. "How did you know I was in the woods?"

"You're a giant black wolf, who ran like a rabid dog through a settlement. It would be a great surprise if we missed such a scene" Roan said, opening his eyes at me.

"What's going on? Your head is so fucked up Duke" El said as he looked at me seriously.

Since the brain was a completely uncontrollable object, the next second the memory of Bee, immediately flooded my mind.

Roan snorted receiving that wave of chaotic emotions

While El, closed the matan concentrate quietly. He tried to compile those absurd memories. He's used to messing with my head, especially when it comes to Bee.

"Oh.this is so bad, Stop remembering it!!" Roan whimpered now.

I also wanted to stop him, but the pain and agony continued to seep out along with the memories I wanted to share.

The brain and mind are not as easy to command, the more you want to forget something, the more vivid the memories become.

I jumped into the lake. The cold lake water will make my mind a little distracted. I swam around the lake, with the paddling of my four legs.

"My mind is not a comfortable place right now, you better take off your werewolf form right now" I suggested kindly.

"I'm fine" said El Short.

"Stay there, it helps a bit" Roan said, shaking his head, as if to repel flying insects.

"You just have to wait, Duke. I agree with your mother" Roan said.  He began to understand after seeing a more regular flow of thoughts from El.

That sentence surprised me, because Roan almost sounded very wise.

But the idea is not as easy as it says.

"It will be difficult of course, but you're used to the difficulties. You'll be fine" El said, answering questions I didn't ask.

That statement will be taken as a compliment because it comes from El. Roan would twist that sweet sentence into a cruel satire.

"I know that. But that doesn't mean I'll accept it with a peaceful heart" I said, staging myself from the lake.

I miss Bee who remembers me whole, that's all!

Roan screamed in panic as my longing for Bee now took control of his mind.

"No.no... go back into the water!!! You made me feel like kissing her too"

Wrong word!!!!!

My memories were instantly filled with memories of me and Bee kissing.

Roan grew wildly wagging his head, while barking loudly. Of course he did not want to see all the things that now came to my mind.

El began singing the national anthems of several foreign countries, in his native language. The special skills he learned for this kind of situation. He tried to shut his mind off my memories.

I threw myself back into the lake and released my werewolf form.

Even without the werewolf feathers, I still wouldn't freeze to death like a human. The freshness of the lake water actually made my mind become a little clearer.

I went ashore, and El threw out a bundle of clothes tied to his hind legs. I accepted it with joy.

Roan, who had closed his eyes, made the activity easier.

Roan was finally able to calm down while regulating his breath that was panting. Looks relieved at no longer receiving attacks of unwanted memories .

Without any sound, he suddenly turned around and ran away.

What's up with him, is he going to let go of his werewolf too?

"He can't stand the feeling of languishing in your head. He left because he didn't want you to see him cry" El's voice answered my inner content, making me jump a little.

El has returned to being human. He grabbed the coat in my hand and put it on. His legs were still open because the coat was only up to his knees in length, but at least he was not naked.

"You can hold on" I looked at El.

I didn't think that what I shared through mindlink would affect Roan that much.

"There's nothing worse than what was in your head when Lui went into a coma! I'm used to it" replied El.

I'm nodding. "Sorry---."

El chuckles, "Hey.I chose to be in your head, and I never regretted it. There is no need to fill your heart with useless guilt" he said lightly.

I smiled hearing it. That sentence is exactly the same as what I said when we were kids. When El apologized, for making me and Roan see bad memories about Linus' treatment of her.

Roan cried hysterically for hours after seeing the memories, before Mom finally managed to calm him down.

While I was screaming uncontrollably, and spewing out all my entrails in disgust at what Linus was doing.

All the anger, humiliation and trauma hit me and Roan in a row. El could do absolutely nothing to stop the flow of memories, as it was the first time the mindlink between the three of us had been formed.

After that, El cried loudly and begged me not to break the mindlink between us.

I call it stupid, because I never intended to do that.

Despite the pain I felt that day, making me have nightmares for several months afterwards, I never considered ending my mindlink with El.

We've been through very bad things in our lives. But we never regretted sharing everything, because it made our bond stronger. And I think Roan will get used to it after this.

I hope...