My Love Journey's
Hell on earth

I woke up alone in bed. There was no sign of Bianka anywhere. I know I should be worried, but a part of me feels a little relieved. I wasn't ready to face it because I didn't know how she was feeling this morning. Whatever happened to her father yesterday, it is no doubt a bad thing to make Bianka silenced all night. And the fear of losing him due to this drama is getting stronger.

I got out of bed and stepped into the bathroom. When she finished, Bianka had returned and stood in front of the window holding a glass of water in her hand. He turned to look at me, then smiled faintly.

"Hey, love." I said, walking up to him.

"Good morning, Paul. Did you sleep well?" bianka asked, hugging me a glance before galloping and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yes." I reply. "You?" I was wearing the shirt I wore yesterday.

"Pretty good because my lover is beside me. Even though he snores all night."

I know she hid the sadness behind her tone that was intentionally made to sound fine. I could see the dark circles under his eyes, his hands were trembling while holding the glass, his shoulders were tense, and he would not look at me directly.

Bianka is depressed. But insist on not telling me what happened. I walked up to him and sat down next to him, grabbed a glass of water, finished the contents and placed the empty glass on the floor.

"I don't snore, Ms. Becker." I muttered as I positioned myself behind Bianka. With both of my legs at his side, I started massaging his shoulders.

"Are you trying to bribe me with a massage to ignore your snoring, Mr. Klug?" bianka asked with a smile.

"Well, did I make it?"

"Maybe," he replied, turning his head.

I stopped and shifted her body so we faced each other. "Do you want to tell me about what happened yesterday?"

Bianka was watching me hesitantly. I rubbed his hand to give him the impulse to trust me, so that he would open up and share with me. But, the words that came out of his mouth were quite aghast.

"No." he grimly shook his head.

"Bianka, I can't help if you shut me up."

Bianka stood up, a few steps away from me before taking a breath. "I didn't shut you up. You asked me if I wanted to tell you a story, and my answer was no. I don't want to."

"Love..."

"Why can't you listen to me just once?" His voice was thin, barely audible. I know he's tired, but this is overkill.

"I just want to help you." I muttered, standing up. "It's very clear that your father doesn't like me."

"Oh, huh?" He snorted cynically.

"I'm sure he just needs some time to accept everything. But, how can I help if you don't give me a chance? Please, tell me what's going on, love. What does your father know? What did he tell you?"

"Why does everything have to be about you, Paul?" I don't know what's on his mind right now, all I know is that he sounds angry.

I was really surprised by the question and the tone of his voice. "What?" many confused.

Bianka narrowed her eyes, her lips tightly pursed. He looks agitated and angry. I really don't know what's going on but I have a feeling that something terrible is coming. I took a step back, giving him some distance while he continued.

"Bianka, can we talk without yelling?" muttered, gasp.

"No! Can't!" continue in the same tone. "Because it looks like you'll never understand what I'm saying."

"Love..." I cut, but he kept cursing.

"I don't want to talk to you, Paul, but you keep pushing me. Why won't you listen to me? It's all your fault. You didn't listen to my words. Everything has to be done your way. Why, Paul? Why is it so hard for you to listen? There comes a time when ears are more needed than mouths."

"Vinka..."

"No. Quiet, Paul! For once in your life, please shut up. You were the only one who left me, and after my life was in peace, you came back. Making a mess that now makes me live like hell. Why are you playing with my life like this? You're selfish. You're just thinking about yourself, asshole!"

I was flabbergasted with a gaping mouth, not recognizing the woman standing before me at this moment. Is this the same woman who said she loved me? I wanted him to stop, but it didn't seem like it was happening.

"I'm sick of it, God damn it. I'm sick of being like this all the time. Whenever I feel happiness, there are always problems coming. And it's been all the time since I've known you. I don't know what's wrong with me until the universe punishes me like this. I want to live a quiet life like people, but there's no calmness every time I'm with you. Problems, problems, and problems keep happening. Laughing for a second, I cried for an hour. I'm sick of it, Paul. Really fed up!"

I could no longer hear anything he was going to say. How could he possibly throw all the blame at me? Is that all he feels from our togetherness? That all I give is suffering?

Oh, myGod... Save me.

Maybe I shouldn't have forced Bianka. Maybe as he said, this time I just need to use my ears and close my mouth tightly. I approached Bianka who was now facing the room door.

She jumped as I hugged her from behind. I wanted to convince her that we'd be okay, even though I wasn't too sure myself. I was just about to make a sound when he pushed me, breaking out of my arms.

"I can't do this anymore, Paul." He whispered, not looking at me.

"Love, I get it."

"No. You don't understand."

"You don't want to talk to me? Alright. But, we can face it together."

"I'm tired." No more spirit in his tone. "It's too heavy for me. Sorry, I need some time." And that way, he came out of the room, leaving me in a confused state.

Two hours have passed since Bianka left me alone in her room. The first hour I spent staring blankly at the wall, feeling stupid and helpless. The next sixty minutes passed with a confused feeling: why? Why did he leave me here? To punish me? Does he really care? I tried to help her, and now she just disappeared somewhere.

I wish I knew what Daniel told her. But, whatever it is, it's obvious I'll lose it because of that. His family doesn't like me, they don't want Bianka to be happy with me. They didn't give us a chance. Or at least, his father thought so.

I felt as if I was trying to put out an invisible fire, trying to close a wound that I didn't know was located. And, it's a futile effort that makes you feel more helpless.

I'm considering contacting Bianka. No, I really did. But, his phone rang on the bed. It's really torturous, making me keep thinking that I've failed to become a backstop for him.

Should I call Louis? But, for what? Saying that Bianka left her own house? That our relationship is starting to break? That I'm gonna lose my girlfriend again? That I don't know how to defend it? Oh my God, that's a shame!

I stood in front of the window, staring blankly out as I heard the front door open. I didn't turn around to see him. Not when I believed that she had left me. I wasn't ready to say goodbye, especially since she was the one who subconsciously pushed me away from her life.