My Love Journey's
Too late?

...Paul Klug POVs....

Already late.

I'm already late.

Too much time wasted.

I was so stupid. I shouldn't have let go of Bianka.

It's crazy to realize how fast time passes even when you're unhappy. Even if you're the saddest person in the world. Time doesn't matter if you're happy or sad. Time will go on without you asking and you can't stop. And now, maybe I'm too late.

I didn't realize that I was waiting for the right time until everything passed without me planning. Waiting seems like the right thing, but it also has a very high risk. Three years passed without hearing his voice, seeing his face, his smile, his laughter, even his anger. I don't know how he feels right now. Maybe he's found another guy, and if that happens, then the only person who deserves to be blamed is me.

I've spent the last three years angry and disappointed at my own decision. On many occasions, I would love to see him but I can do it, because I know I can't offer him anything he deserves. I was not the man I wanted to be her husband, even now, but I managed to overcome my fear and free myself from something that ensnared me. Inconfidence.

And I want to try again.

Before leaving, I decided to talk to my mother for a while. Our relationship also deteriorated after everything that happened between me and Bianka and it was my own fault. I kept my distance from him. The feeling of guilt for hurting Bianka completely engulfed me and it made my side even more mountainous.

One morning, after Thomas had enlightened me and finally managed to shake my mind, I contacted Louis on Facebook. He's the only one who can connect me with Bianka. Luckily, Louis replied to my message and said his father wanted to talk to me. Well, we chatted. Of course, not a small talk considering he himself was angry with me because I had hurt his daughter, but I tried to convince him and he was devastated.

"Mom" I said as she exited her room.

"Oh, Paul, are you okay?" tanyanya's worried.

"I'm..." I took a deep breath. "I never really apologized for hurting you. I didn't mean to disappoint you, Mom."

"I know," he said. "Of course you didn't mean that. You can't intentionally disappoint me. I just want you to be happy, Paul. I'm not gonna say shit to justify what you're doing, but I'm glad you got over your fear. I'm happy you're up."

"Yes,"

"So, what are you gonna do now?"

"I want to meet and talk to him. Apologize to him." I said.

He seemed hesitant. "Are you... Thinking about the possibility that he's forgotten about you? Maybe he's with someone else now, Paul. I don't want to see you disappointed."

I swallowed hearing his words. Of course I think so. Especially after she left my mother, even before I could talk to her. Anything can happen in three years. I imagined she would slam the door the moment I saw her appear in front of her house. And seeing it with other people is the worst-case scenario I'd most like to avoid. "I want to try, Mom." I said desperately. "I love him and on one hand I have hurt him too. But, I want to try one more time."

My mother smiled bitterly. "You're always persistent with something you love." He nodded his head. "Bianka is a good woman. He's amazing. I still admire him even though he ignored me yesterday."

I nodded slowly then grabbed my phone that was vibrating in my pants pocket and found a message coming in from Louis. He sent Bianka's address following a terrible message, 'Don't come if you want to hurt her again'. He doesn't hate me, but he doesn't like me the way he used to. Doesn't matter. I will regain the trust of Bianka and her family.

"I have to go" I said to my mother, then stood up.

He stood up. "Be careful," he replied.

I nodded then hugged her. "i will's. Thank's, Mom."

I drive like a duck. That's right because I'm not good at driving with the steering wheel on the right, not to mention the city's amazing roads and traffic. In a less than good sense. Seriously, Jakarta is overcrowded, and I will increase the population here if Bianka will take me back. Well, I hope so.

My anxiety increased while driving. I don't know what to tell him. I couldn't even guess how she would react when I saw her. Does he really hate me? Will he forgive me and repeat everything? To hell with what's going to happen. I've got to try. At least I have to do something, whatever it is. I thought things would get worse if I let it go, after all too much time was wasted.

Time showed me the number seven passing slightly as I arrived in front of his house. The surroundings were quite friendly and calm, no one seemed as far away as I could see. I checked my appearance in the car window and realized that I was bad enough. I'm just wearing jeans, a T-shirt, and a jacket.

I sighed as I walked closer to the door. Shit, I should have brought flowers! I should have brought something for him. But it's too late now, and I hope my tongue won't betray me. I wonder if Louis told him I was coming.

"Hey," he said as he opened the door. "You're too..." He stopped when he saw me.

His smile dimmed, replaced by an unflattering look of surprise. I can tell you he didn't think I was coming, which means Louis didn't say anything to him. My breath was blocked when I looked at him and I wanted to kick my own ass for being so stupid that I left him alone to get hurt.

I could feel my love for her re-emerging from hiding after a stifling year without her, as if no time had passed. I feel the same, or even deeper than before.

He still looks the same and different. His hair looked longer, draped behind his back. Wearing a tight white seductive dress that tipped over her knees. Damnit damnit! From the looks of it, it seemed like she was going out on a date and I had to take great pains to refrain from saying stupid comments that would provoke her anger even though I actually wanted to praise her so much right now.

"P-paul?" he said in the end.

"Bianka," I said, surprised by my steady-sounding tone. "Hey."

The frown on his forehead did not move. "What are you doing here?" he asked, looking behind me for an excuse.

"I want to see you" I said, looking into her brown eyes. I remember the last time I saw her in our house, the day I got angry and left her alone without caring she was in pain. I remembered the wound in his eye that day and would have loved to have embraced it if it had been enough to treat the wound. But, I know it's not that easy.

"Where do you know my house?" tanyakanya.

"Uh..."

"W?"

He turned to look at Louis who was now walking over. Louis looked surprised to see me even though he gave me Bianka's address. Maybe he didn't think I'd actually come.

"You must have told him, right?" bianka told him and I could tell he was angry.

"Hey, brother," Louis ignored his brother. "You look cool,"

"Louis," I said shyly. "thank you. It's nice to see you."

Bianka looked back at me while Louis started to snigger. "Wow, that's awkward. I'm going to the kitchen, okay. Take your time, bro."

Bianka twisting eyeballs. "Come in." he muttered as he opened the door for me. I'm pretty surprised he didn't throw me out. This should be a good sign, right?

"Thank you," I stepped inside. The house is quite comfortable, clean, and neat. I saw the middle room on my right and the kitchen on my left. I stood up like a dazed person before turning around.

He tried to smile while sweeping his hair behind his ear. "I wish you'd told me you were coming,"

Again, I was surprised to hear his response. Why was it suddenly as if his anger had dimmed? I'm throats. "Yes, right. I'm sorry,"

"No problem," he said then turned his vibrating phone. "Just, I'll get out."

I try not to grimace, but I'm sure I did. "Oh, I see," I cleared my throat. "All right, I'll be back tomorrow."

I heard the sound of a car stopping in front of the house. Bianka hurriedly grabbed her wallet from the sofa. "Stay if you want" he murmured. "I'll be back in two hours."

I saw a man come out of the car and I felt a stabbing pain in my chest.

"I'm sorry" said Bianka, looking at me once more and walking out of the house. I looked at him approaching the man. She kissed Bianka on the cheek and opened the door for her.

"His name is Sebastian" said Louis from behind me. "The poor guy who never backed down for one word 'Yes'."

Fu¢k! What have I done?