My Love Journey's
Before The Lunch

I'm lucky. Paul really gave me exactly the time I needed, even longer than I thought. He hasn't contacted me in two weeks, nor has he sent a message.

I know their World Cup triumph definitely made the schedule even more hectic, with some public celebration with the German national football team. Just like I said before, the whole of Berlin is crazy about this year's amazing event. The 2-1 score the players scored made everyone proud and cheered happily throughout the first week.

Some videos of Paul successfully putting the ball into the French goal in the last minutes are also still scattered in the media. I saw one of the videos. But I quickly stopped, because my heart was tight to find Paul deliberately making mistakes on his celebrity movements, imitating my movements, instead of making the movements he used to do.

Even after all the things that happened between us, I hate to imagine him playing so well and the joyous mood of thinking I was watching him, she said, while what happened was I was on my way back to Germany that night, leaving her.

Since the photos of Paul and I in front of the restaurant were scattered in the media, people began to realize that Paul was doing a celebration movement for me. It makes me feel worse.

Now all the attention is on him because he suddenly disappeared from circulation. Paul did not appear to be attending some celebratory events over the German victory. There was no information whatsoever about his existence as if he was lost to the earth.

No matter how much my anger at her was caused by her stupid behavior, I couldn't deny that I missed her so much and hoped that she would be okay wherever she was.

There were times when when I was alone at home, the urge to call her came out so strongly urging me, just to make sure she was okay. However, with a feeling that was still undecided I always managed to undo that intention, because we were not doing well, or at least I was still disappointed in him. I don't want to rush into a decision, Paul has to learn restraint.

When I remember the moment I worked like crazy just to get a weekend off to fly to Russia to see Paul, it still makes me angry and upset. He obviously knew how much I was willing to go to meet him, fully support him, but he didn't even want to tell me about Carmen, Lucy, and Louis before I left for Russia. Maybe he realized I'd cancel my departure if he told me everything. Well, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Tonight, for the first time in two weeks, Paul sent me a message.

From: Paul: Hey...

My heart stopped for a moment beating as soon as it found its name appearing on my phone screen. I was lying down with Frosty hitching a ride on my stomach, he was certainly unaware of how I was feeling right now. Paul and I haven't talked about anything since the last time he came to my house when I was chatting with Louis. I needed time to digest everything, and indeed we should have solved this matter like adults in general.

To: Paul: Hey.

From: Paul: How are you?

To: Paul: Well. You you?

From: Paul: I'm good too. I'm at my parents' house right now.

I grimaced, remembering she once invited me to visit her parents' house. I wonder if he told them our problem or not.

To: Paul: It must be fun. You deserve that after fighting in the World Cup.

From: Paul: You know, I told my mom about my mistake with you. He was very angry and would not give me any pudding after dinner. Trust me, he's never been this angry with me.

Paul: He did the right thing.

I hope Paul doesn't take my words seriously. It took me a while until she returned my message, making me nervous waiting for a reply from her.

From: Paul: Haha. Do you want to talk to me now?

To: Paul: Now?

From: Paul: Yes, I mean, tomorrow. I've given you enough time as you asked, and I've also pondered my mistakes. I was hoping you'd take your time, just for a second.

To: Paul: What if we meet on Tuesday, at lunch?

From: Paul: With pleasure. In your house or my house?

To: Paul: My house.

From: Paul: Thank you, Bianka x

I didn't reply to her last message, and instead I replied to dozens of messages from Stacey, Camille, and Elise in our chat group. Valerie and Red also texted me, I also replied to their message.

All night I pondered, remembering all the events of the past few days, making me confused and barely able to deal with them. I never thought I'd have this kind of complicated problem in my life. Meeting Paul and falling into a dizzying life, pulled me to the bottom of a difficult situation.

Before, my life was calm and peaceful. I was free to wander wherever my steps stopped, without having to hide and get the cynical gazes of the people. The meeting I had with Paul at the hospital was, no doubt, a big mistake. What makes me even more furious is that I myself was eaten by the seduction.

I was so stupid to give myself up to him. I have to admit Paul is indeed an amazing figure, he and all the luxuries inherent in his body are able to attract any woman easily. One word of 'Hi' from her must have made you melt and scatter into her arms.

I sighed as I rubbed Frosty's fine mace. Then suddenly Louis's face came to my mind. I'm grateful that she listened to my words to actually kick Lucy out of her life and back into the rehab center. I plan to see him tomorrow.

Louis has never been this crazy before. She was always my sweet sister. My father and I always put Louis first because he used to blame himself for my mother's passing. Louis thinks my mom's mad at him because he's naughty, but he's not.

At that time he was too small to understand that my mother had left on her own accord. I never knew the reason for his disappearance until now, my father only said that my mother needed time for herself. For years, however, he never returned.

Is he really that bad? I don't know. There were times when I missed him so much, wanted to see his face and embrace him, but quickly that desire always changed into a feeling of rage. Part of me wished he was dead, but the other part still wanted to ask him why he would leave us. What exactly is our fault with him?