My Love Journey's
Drowning in pain's.

...Author's POV....

Bianka was piqued by the sound of beeps swinging regularly, her mind somewhat misty. He opened his eyes, only to find a blurry glow. He closed down once again and took a deep breath, trying to remember where he was. The last thing that appeared in his head was that he was about to go into the room to sleep and the floor seemed to be getting closer before everything turned black.

Damnit damnit!

Bianka opened her eyes with a clearer view, then spread her gaze around. The hospital! Thought, groaning slowly.

"Bianka?"

He gasped at the heavy voice from his left side, then turned and found the anxious look of Paul Klug, his lover.

"Hey," whispered Paul, standing beside Bianka, his hand rubbed Bianka's arm gently. "How are you feeling? You're worrying us, you know! Do you want anything? Is anyone sick? I'm gonna call the nurse, okay?" Paul was about to step up, but Bianka grabbed his hand.

"I'm okay, Paul. Can you help me sit down?"

"Sure," Paul answered, moving cautiously.

Bianka watched the man's every move like an eagle in a hunt. His clothes were disheveled, then he turned to look at a chair behind Paul.

Paul must have slept there. Is he really worried about me? Think Bianka.

"How long have I fainted? What time is it?" bianka said after sipping half a glass of water.

Paul sat down next to Bianka. Bianka doesn't yet know how to behave nearby. A few hours ago, it was clear that Paul did not want to deal with him, and now he is staying in his treatment room.

Am I dead? Oh, my God! But..is it a bad thing if I really die? Isn't that what I want? No more suffering!!!

"A few hours. It's 11 p.m." said Paul, breaking his mind.

"Wow! What's wrong with me? I'm not dead, am I?"

"Of course not. Don't be silly!"

"Paul, you didn't even want to see me for five seconds, so what's holding you here right now? What's wrong with me?"

Paul stood up and lowered his hand into his jeans pocket. How do I tell him?

"Paul?" insist Bianka. "I want to talk to the doctor."

"You can talk to him tomorrow. Well, you fainted from exhaustion, and your body needs rest. That'sthat's all. Don't worry, there's something you need to worry about."

Bianka. Paul was obviously hiding something from her. He could sense that, but his strength had yet to gather to debate anything.

"I know you're covering something up for me, Paul. But, we'll talk about it tomorrow."

"I'm not..."

"Don't lie." Bianka interrupted, then yawned. "We'll talk tomorrow."

Paul simply nodded, throwing a thin smile.

Bianka woke up the next morning, feeling somewhat lighter. He opened his eyes and realized that he was currently alone. Slowly, he got up, brought an infusion bottle and stepped into the bathroom. He couldn't possibly bathe with a hose attached to his hand. But he tried to keep himself worthy. When he felt refreshed enough, Bianka returned to the treatment room and found Paul there.

Bianka observed Paul silently. His appearance was still the same as yesterday, his clothes had not changed, his eyes were somewhat red. He could feel the tension on Paul's shoulders as the man took a breath.

"You hungry? Do you want to eat something? Whahuh? Just say it." Paul tried to look relaxed.

However, Bianka was aware of the strangeness of her attitude. "I'm not hungry."

"Bianka, you should eat. Your weight's dropping drastically. You can't miss your meal schedule anymore."

Bianka rolled her saturated eyes at him. "Can you call a doctor? Please." Please."

"I'm serious, Bianka."

"I'm serious too, Paul! Just call the doctor. Or do I have to call him myself?"

"The nurse checked you out this morning, and she said you're okay. Is anyone sick?" paul asked, his eyebrows furrowed.

"Nobody is sick. I just want to know what really happened to me."

Paul slid his finger with a huff to his hair. "You had a concussion because your head hit a table or something when you fainted. And the doctor said you fainted from fatigue, dehydration, and low blood pressure. Probably because of stress."

"You sure that's all?" Bianka watched Paul closely, but the man would not look at him. "Paul?" insist once again. "What's going on, Goddamn it?" Bianka grunted in annoyance.

Paul knew it was impossible to cover up the news any longer, so he searched for strength from the sighs. "You... You miscarried." she mumbled softly, venturing to see Bianka.

Bianka's jaw opened wide. "That's impossible. I-i didn't... I'm not pregnant. There must be some mistake."

"I'm sorry."

"No!" cetus Bianka, shaking his head.

"Love..."

"Shut your mouth!" snapping, get off the bed.

"What are you doing, Bianka?" ask Paul in a worried tone. "You should..." His words were cut off by the laughter of Bianka.

His body bent, both of his hands holding his stomach which might feel wrapped around due to the burst of laughter. Paul looked at her with a puzzled expression before advancing towards her. Bianka was like a madman.

"Bianka, can you calm down?"

"It must be a joke, right?" the question, approached Paul then snatched his shirt and shook it hard. "Cannot be. Tell me you're lying. I can't miscarry anymore, Paul. Please, just tell me that you just want to torture me further. That this is just some kind of revenge attempt. You're lying. Please tell me it's not true." Now that Bianka was begging with all her heart, her hysterical laughter turned into a sob of despair.

His heart was broken. Unable to accept reality. "Cannot be. No, no, no..." He continued to repeat his words as his body began to slump to the floor, screaming in stifling sadness, his face filled with tears.

Paul sat on the floor, crying with his poor girlfriend. At the time, nothing more important to him than being there for Bianka. He hoped to replace Bianka in the face of the pain, but there was nothing he could do.

Although they had experienced the same thing before, but Paul did not see Bianka's reaction at that time. She did not witness the moment of destruction of the woman she loved because she immediately left. But this time the situation is different, Bianka is depressed because of the problems they face, and worse, Paul just let her go through the suffering alone even though the real goal is not that, but Paul realizes that his attitude has pushed Bianka into the brink of destruction.

I don't know what to do to fix this. Paul doesn't know.

If..if there was a way to put everything back in place, Paul still realized there would be no ease.