My Love Journey's
An Explanation

"Here we go..." Paul held out a glass of wine for me.

He slammed his butt next to me on the couch in the middle of his hotel room. We have changed more comfortable clothes. I wore a pair of flannel pajamas while Paul picked out a black jogger shirt and pants with the Bayern Munich football club outside the World Cup.

"Thank you for accompanying me to dinner. I really enjoyed it." she said with a gaze centered on her wine glass.

I raised my knees to my chest, patiently waiting for him to get to the heart of the matter. Before I asked him directly, he opened his voice.

"Carmen keeps a video of us making love" Paul cleared his throat as he grabbed his phone from the table.

I cringe. "Isn't that illegal? He can't record it without your knowledge, Paul."

I looked at him as he unlocked his phone screen. Instantly gasp as soon as he saw the photo of me he had taken at the restaurant appear on the home screen. I wanted to say something about it, but I immediately canceled it because I didn't want to switch the conversation.

"I've asked my lawyer to handle it. I just want to settle this quietly so that the public, and especially you, don't know about this video." she explained, then handed me her phone.

I saw a short thirty-second video waiting to be played in the gallery of his phone. I gulped, then looked at Paul.

"He used this as a tool to get me to give him some money, and threatened to show it to you" he murmured softly.

I shakes in disbelief. "Why did you let him do that? You have to report it to the police."

"That means the public will know that I slept with part of a bad group of women. Most people think of them as cheap women who are after the money and fame of athletes."

"I don't understand your way of thinking, Paul."

"Bianka, this is complicated. My lawyer has made a contract for her to sign. I gave you the contract earlier, before we went to dinner." he snored. "I offered him some money if he deleted the whole video."

My eyebrows are still curling in a strange way. "Paul, why don't you just report to the police? I really don't understand. He could be in jail for threatening you like that."

"Trust me, the media will go crazy and a storm will definitely pop up if I report this matter to the police. My career and good name are at stake, and so is what I did to you."

"What's? What the hell are you doing to me? When...when was the video recorded?" I put my chin up pointing at his phone.

"The day after I announced that we were dating." He's down again. "I slept with him that night. I. I don't know what to say."

I'm speechless. Although at that time our relationship was not official, Paul always approached me. He who had always wished us to step in a more serious direction, he who forced me even though I rejected him many times, but now he also slept with other women.

Well, technically, he didn't betray me, but I still can't accept this. I feel deceived.

"Bianka, please take a look at the video." His tone was so weak, as if he didn't want to say anything more. "I don't want you to see it from Carmen or anyone else" Paul continued.

"Who else might show me that video? You know, Paul, trading this kind of video is a criminal act, there's no way Carmen would dare to do that... He's already signed the contract and deleted the video, right?"

"He's not going to sell that video, Carmen's not a difficult person to deal with. I just. I haven't been able to suppress Lucy."

"God, what does Lucy have to do with all this?" ask me with doubt. "And I don't want to see your video, just thinking about it makes me want to throw up."

I returned the phone to Paul and drank a lot of wine while Paul began to explain. "Lucy is Carmen's younger sister. Meeting her and your sister in a rehabilitation center was part of their plan to blackmail me. Lucy's still a narcotics addict. I've seen him give Louis some kind of pill when we visited your father. You know, Louis hasn't stopped either."

I want to cry now. "She told me she'd quit..." I was quite happy when I heard Louis say that to me until now, I always thought my sister had returned to her quiet life.

"You're such a fool, Paul."

He laughed, then looked at me. "I knew. I'm just. Please, don't leave me."

"What about Lucy?"

"I have also prepared a contract for him. Once he signs it and deletes the video, I'll pay for it. Done."

"Have you ever fucked another woman after we were officially in a relationship? I mean, really official?"

Quickly, Paul shook his head. "No. Of course not, Bianka. I was wrong for letting Carmen into my house that night. I hate what I've done, now I hope we can forget it. You're not gonna run from me, are you?"

I wanted to scream and say I hate him and leave. I need time to digest everything that's happened. But I know it's impossible. My refusal will affect his play in their final game tomorrow. No matter how much I want to say that he has upset me, I don't want to be selfish and mess with his emotions. I vividly remember her reaction when she saw my post and Travis on twitter, the game was a mess, and I didn't want it to happen again.

"Bianka, you're not leaving me, are you?"

I don't think the world really lets us have any further relationships. I should have stopped listening to Paul's persuasions.

I'm throats. "Yes, I'll stay with you." I said, trying to smile even if it's hard. "I have to go to the bathroom."

Without waiting for a reply from her, I stood up and directly walked to the end of the room towards the bathroom. My tears flowed as soon as the door closed.

God, why is everything so painful? This is not the drama I imagined would happen between us. I didn't think Paul was so stupid and let Carmen threaten him.

Oh, Louis, I have to see him as soon as I get to Germany and tell him to go back to the rehab center.

I stood facing the mirror, looking at my tears flowing down. How am I supposed to finish this now? I was confused, my brain seemed to stop thinking while my chest began to clench and felt a little panicked. Things changed as soon as I surrendered to Paul, and now it's falling apart slowly.

"Bianka?" I gasped at Paul's soft voice from behind the door.

I quickly wiped my tears, then cleared my throat. "Yes?"

"Can you come out?"

I sighed as slowly as I could, trying to tidy my eyes so Paul wouldn't see any trace of my crying. Then I pulled it deep and opened the door.

Paul stood there, with a sweet smiling face. Not wanting to waste any time, he immediately pulled me over and kissed me. "You won't know how happy I am right now" he murmured on my lips. "I know it's hard for you to understand everything, and I'm grateful for your great generosity, love."

I kissed her at a glance, feeling bad for not revealing how I felt right now. I care about him, and I don't want to ruin his dreams. I want Paul to achieve his dream in tomorrow's final. That's how much I care for him. I can't be selfish even if he hurts me.

"I love you, Bianka."

My stomach felt a very strong turmoil hearing the three words that he had just thrown, until it felt like I wanted to cry again. Instead of replying to her love, I raised my hand to catch her jaw and kissed her. Hot and painful tears flowed back unbeknownst to Paul.

***

I pensively stared at my phone screen for a few minutes, weighing whether I should do it or not. Paul was asleep a few hours ago as soon as we finished the crazy bed game I thought for the last time.

Now I know what to do. I booked my return ticket to Germany at the exact time before their match tomorrow. I hope Paul doesn't notice my departure until he gets back to the hotel.