Dear Imamku
Hasan event

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"We are not a perfect partner, one day we will definitely feel the peak where our emotions overflow, feel unappreciated, unnoticed, even ignored, and eventually cause chaos. But remember that I will never leave you alone without saying goodbye, I will never stop loving you, no matter how much my heart has hurt. If I were to love from the beginning again, I would still choose you."

💕

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     I don't think my body can move anymore. I was just able to rest my body after almost twenty-four hours of work. Staying alone here is not easy, working thirty thousand salary every day is not enough to justify myself, in shaa Allah after the money collected a lot, he said, I'll pay all the rent to stay in this place. Never mind, I'm lazy to think about something like this again!

      Dear God, if it is not He whom Thou hast destined for me, Thou shalt abolish all my race, if it is not me that he expects to erase also my hope to him, if I'm not half his life, then erase him in half my life. And in the end, everything I've worked so hard to maintain must be able to let go.

     Dear heart, may you understand that with this wound, there is no perfect love except the love of God for his servant. So that you will no longer be hurt for the same reason. Be patient, God knows when the best point of happiness is for you to feel. And sometimes we have to be really conscious, God made such a way of life for us to take lessons.

     Dear faith, you know, I just want to be your priority and nothing more. I dont need a perfect one. I just need someone who can make me feel that im the only one. But I think it's impossible, now you're going nowhere. Let it be, there will be a time where, everything will be beautiful.

    Rise up! You must be strong, do not show your weakness in public. Smile, leave your sadness. Be happy, forget your fear. The pain you feel, is not equal to the happiness you will get.

     The sound of my phone almost made me hang. I looked at my phone screen to see who the caller was, it was Fauzi. “Assalamualaikum, Where are you? “

     “Wa’alaikumsalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, I'm at home. It's twelve o'clock now, my time to rest now. “I fix my seat on my bed, while tendering my body. “What's wrong? “ my.

     “Eh. No, just want to make sure that you have come home or not,” he said rather stammering, “I can ask? “ continued.

    “What's up? Don't tell me you want to ask me about my dummy whether you've eaten yet! “ pissed. Indeed, almost every day he always questioned with this loyal question, and there are still other questions such as, my bunga bunga sunah I have grown kuwaci what not, in my lifetime I have not gotten the flower growing kuwaci.

     “Astagfirullah, don't zoudzonlah. I'd like to ask, has your husband come home yet? “about my marriage with brother Farzan, Fauzi did know, at first he looks disappointed but over time it is not. Waitaminute! Why is he talking about her!

     “What's with him? “

     “Hemmm. I saw him driving, towards your house, didn't he exist? “ he said, there sounded a tone of fear from Fauzi himself.

     What's the matter? I can't define how I feel right now, I feel like I want to cry right now. My memory was recalled ten months ago, when he left for work and after that he lost his news and finally there was news that he had come!

     If he knew how hard I held back tears every day, held back my longings for him, held back from believing him, until I finally reached the point of great disappointment.

     “Aibah, do you still hear me? “ call Fauzi, I regained consciousness and tears managed to slide.

     “Huh? Sorry, my doll fell so I picked it up first. “

     “Keep why is your voice hoarse like a man fighting like that? Did you just fight with your teddy bear? “ said it that made me smile to hear it.

     “That's how, I almost had a fight with him.” I laughed, certainly in an artificial voice. “It used to be yes, I almost forgot to have dinner. “

     “You are too concerned about your ego Adibah. You work almost twenty-four hours, just to pay for an apartment that might be said to be your own home. If you can be honest, you don't have to work I'm ready to pay the rent for that apartment.”

     I grunt. “I told you, I don't like being pityed! “ tegasku.

     “Tap-“

    “Yeah already, Assalamualaikum! “ I turned off the phone unilaterally. He's overreacting!

    Has Farzan been in Parepare all this time but I don't know any of this? Aghhhh! I hate situations like. I want to hate him, even hate him. But if he knew I could never do that. I was trying to get rid of my feelings for him and it was really hard! I hate it so much in this situation.

     I laid my body on Farzan's bed, indeed as long as he was gone, I always slept here, I can hardly explain why. The purple color of this room looks very beautiful, remembering when he was forced to change the color of his room just because of my coercion.

     I slowly closed my eyes, trying to get my body out of this life. And the deary who was beside me always faithfully accompanied my sleep every night, until finally, I did not know how next, I fell asleep now.

     Dear God, make me grateful for my life today and persevere in living tomorrow.

Dear imam, About you, I was forced to end a story, at a time when I had not yet begun anything.

     Whoever goes up to his bed intends to wake up to pray at night,  but he fell asleep until dawn and the reward of what he intended was written for him, and his sleep was alms from his Lord. An-Nasa'i. 1786.

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     After opening the apartment door with a spare key, Farzan headed straight to his room and saw his wife's presence there. She stroked her hair gently, and a drop of tears came back to wet her cheek.

    Before deciding to return, Farzan had prepared everything, including the disappointment of people in his love. “I love you Adibah! Forgive my selfishness, “ his murmur.

     Suddenly his gaze turned to the purple-coloured book beside his right, where it was written Deary. Farzan grabbed the object and read it.

28 May

     Today, Brother Farzan has not come home! That guy always comes and doesn't know what he wants from me. Does he want my meat? Where can! I am skinny! Or want in ‘Konro ‘¹ human flesh? I hope it doesn't.

     And one more thing, Brother Farzan has not come yet when I am currently feverish, and these spots are still there. It could be that if Brother Farzan sees my body at this time, he might start to stay away from me, he's gone now! I want to hate him now!

     “I'm sorry baby, “ murmured. Back he opened the next sheet until finally he stopped at the page that made him curious.

November 1st.

Let everything go as it is, pass properly, and end with it. I was too tired to challenge the fate that he would come back, I had stopped to hope for something to him again, because sadness can be enjoyed in its own way.

If it were not for God strengthening, the soul would not be able to tread the path of obedience.

18 December

Let it be, better to wait than to interrupt.

     Farzan closes the book, not strong enough to read it, he realizes that his selfish nature is too excessive and that there may be nothing more selfish than him.  When someone is waiting for him, he just stays away because of his ego.

     Adibah's face looks so pale with the instant hijab that is still worn, her body looks so thin and eye bags that get bigger, she threw away too much just because Farzan.

     The teddy bear he bought, he put it on a four-sided table. And then lay his body beside his wife. Only God knows what their next destiny will be.

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    The clock shows another half hour of dawn prayer time, thank God I woke up even faster than the time of prayer. I got up from my sleep and read a prayer.

     I looked around, the bed next to me was strange, as if someone had fucked her. My eyes looked back at the strange thing, the water in the bathroom was lit up. Bismillah, ‘Verily none other than Satan and his companions only frighten you, therefore fear not him but fear Me. - QS. Imbran Ali. 175

     With a little effort, I walked into the bathroom. Do not forget to always say a prayer in the heart. And what did I meet, he-sister Farzan was ablution, since when did he come here? My body suddenly weakened until I finally fell down.

     He looked back at me and said, “That's why you. “ Brother Farzan is approaching me. I kept staring at her face nonstop, making sure it was real or just a dream. “Why are you?" He asked back.

     My mouth feels stiff to talk to him. Suddenly I cried, argghh why must it be in front of him?! I'm hopeless now, I don't know why I came back!

     Brother Farzan touched my hand, but soon I took off. I looked into her beads, “Why did you come home? Huh!“ A stupid question I managed to ask.

     He scrunched his forehead. “What do you mean? I'm your husband, I'm entitled to come here.”

     “And have the right to leave me? I know your feelings for me are just pretend, in fact you still expect him to give you a myriad of wounds, and I have no hope for you now.”

     “Adibah, you misunderstood. I went to Zahra's house just to take care of the DNA letter and,” he said, somehow he did not continue his speech back.

     “Maybe you feel at home living with him, “. “You know, we are not a perfect couple, one day surely we will feel the peak where our emotions overflow, feel unappreciated, unnoticed, even uncared for , and eventually cause chaos. But remember that I will never leave you alone without saying goodbye, I will never stop loving you, no matter how much my heart has hurt.  If I had to love from the beginning again, I would still choose you. And I don't think you're like me.”

     Brother Farzan was silent as he lowered his head, staring at my hands that were beginning to tremble.

     Anyone who wants to come, I welcome. Whoever wants to go I let. Because my life is my home and I am the owner, it is a guest I will not be able to force to stay,” I said, then tried to get up, just now Brother Farzan was about to help me, but I immediately refused.

     “I'm sorry, Adibah, “ he said who was behind me.

     I never turned to look at him. “Do not act arbitrarily just because you know that I will always forgive you. Love must not only have but also be responsible,”, I said, then continue my steps back.

     If you say I'm a selfish woman, please, I won't be angry, selfishness will be reciprocated with selfishness anyway. I can't guess how our relationship is going to be next, which I certainly can't expect more about. Ten months without certainty is no short time.

     “That you should hear me first! “ assertively.

     My head is spinning a few degrees. “Feeling so loved makes you behave at will," I said. "There must be an end, your relationship with him or our relationship.”

     “The DNA letter proves that the child is my son, and I swear, I don't know what else to do so I decided to stay away for a while. You do not know how frustrating I was at that time, ” cried Farzan, when I had left the room.

     “You are selfish, you don't know how I am you only know how you are!” I murmured, I could no longer talk to him. "Maybe I was used as an outlet when you were lonely, and maybe I misinterpreted the attention you were giving."

     "Please, Adibah listen to me first. I'm just down there taking care of that DNA letter and... " Whatever he says it's hard for me to believe. Again, ten years is not a short time.

     Dear Allah.

     What's the matter? Why did all this happen to me? I don't like being in position right now! Want to leave but already love and want to settle it is not possible.

    He was my husband, my priest, and my destiny, but why did he have to leave at that time? And now he's back again, I don't know what else is going on right now! If only there was another option to go with dad, maybe I would choose to go with dad now and also with mom.

   Dear God, rebuke me, if my love for your servant exceeds my love for You

     Bismillah. This is my life, God imposes it on me, all these are His plans, so no matter what happens I must continue on this journey of life, for this is all His ordinance and I must accept all this with all sincerity, for every thing must have wisdom. Thank you, God, for this rebuke. If it is not God who strengthens me, I do not know how weak I am right now.

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- "Don't act arbitrarily just because you know that I will always forgive you. Love must not only have but also be responsible"√

💕

- If you are not the son of a king and the son of a great scholar and a manhshur, then be a writer.Al Ghazali-

tie up your knowledge with writing - Ali Bin Abi Thalib RA-

Min January 13.

¹ konro (a soup typical of the Bugis-Makassar tribe, which is made from the ribs of beef or buffalo)