Dear Imamku
The Day Before Accident

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بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ ﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم

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  “Sister Farzan is not angry anymore? “

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      “Where is it? “ ask me to Jihan after arriving in that space. By God, I was panicking.

     Since my heart never stopped to beat fast, I was more worried about Adibah, how was it?

     Jihan looked at me with mom. “I suggest, you don't have to go in first. Adibah must be devastated right now, leave her alone. “ I can clearly understand what Jihan said just now, no! It's my fault, I'm the cause, there's no way I'm letting him alone.

    As hard as it felt, I did my word at that time! By Allah I am so sorry to have said such a stupid sentence, I am a fool!

    I saw Abdul approaching Jihan, then rubbed my back. "Jihan's right, Zan. You should be here first, later after the time is right, you can enter, but for now you also calm yourself first. "

     “No, when he has a problem, I should be around him instead of letting him be alone. I'm new to Adibah's life, but I can tell her what she wants. In shaa Allah, everything will improve. "

     “I know Adibah brother, he would rather not if he is loved, when brother enters later, I fear that if he thinks that brother pity him, Adibah his person is easily offended, I am afraid, “ clear Jihan with a look staring at her shoes. Like Adibah, she is reluctant to stare at the opposite sex, except for her mahram.

     “In Shaa Allah, no. “ Afterwards, I stepped into Adibah's room.

     During the walk, I always cursed myself if only I could replace Adibah there. Not seeing it has just made me lose my spirit.

     I just opened the door of the room, I suddenly swore my whole body suddenly stiffened to move, I think clearly that my tears were currently flowing. Seeing the state of Adibah as it is now makes me have to be silent on the spot. His gaze was blankly staring at the dark sky, with his faithful hand holding his stomach, O Allah, why is this sick? He wanted a child in our lives, but then again why is it like this? Our son had to leave before I even knew how.

     If a man cries, believe me the problem faced must be very difficult. I am not saying that I am the one who suffers the most, only that I am one of those people who suffer the most.

     Perhaps today, it is the water that can explain everything, including this.

     I continued to look at Adibah's back who was sitting while continuing to look out the window, somehow what she thought, somehow also look at her face. With my shaky steps approaching him, there was fear and pity now mixed in.

     When I was behind him, I slowly grabbed his shoulder. He looked at me, at first his face was dull, maybe after seeing me, he tried to smile. “Kak Farzan? “ said. Subhanallah, he can still smile at times of loss.

     Unable to speak anymore, I just nodded Adibah's words earlier. Fortunately, before approaching Adibah, my tears had dried up .

     “Sister Farzan is not angry anymore? “ he asked again. He still questioned it, had I been in his position, believe me maybe I wouldn't be as capable as him.

    I immediately hugged her body tightly. “Tell me what you want to say Adibah. Do you want to get angry? Tell me, I'm ready to hear everything. "

     Clearly, I could hear that Adibah was crying. “Should Be Dibah the .. bil .. say like that sis ... Always speaking harshly with Farzan. Discussed also .. can not keep .. to .. health Dibah, Dibah .. also know that Dibah very ... childish brother! Sorry, “isaknya. He seems very difficult to speak.

     I pulled Adibah's chin. “See me. “ Adibah staring at my eye bead. “You can make my every step on the curse of a thousand angels just for making you cry? “ my question, then he shook his head.

     “We failed to have Farzan's son. “

     “Usttt! “I'm advancing my index finger. “God has a wonderful plan for us. If you say that again, I'll make sure you don't see me again. “

     “Kak Farzan where are you going? “ asked Adibah with a snot voice that became the rhythm of each word.

    “Why should I go? “

    “Because I can't bear to see you sad, let alone I know the cause is myself, there's no way I'm letting myself be in front of you. Or am I going to get away from this life.”

     I saw Adibah pull me to hold her. “Don't say it like that! Adibah does not like it! “ assertively.

     “Pardon my words at that time, Adibah. “ Adibah did not respond to my words. “Adib-“

     “Didn't someone still be able to refer to when they were the first talaq?”

     “I want to refer to you, “. Then tighten my arms. As if I didn't want to part with him. “I'm sorry Adibah, sorry,”.

     “I will not forgive, Brother Farzan.”

    “Why? “

    “If Brother Farzan goes again, I swear I will never forgive myself. Was also the same as Brother Farzan, Dibah will go far.”

    “Why should I stay away too? “

     “Because Dibah cannot be the best in life kak Farzan, therefore kak Farzan go.”

     “I jan-“

     “Thanks do not need the promise of Farzan's brother Dibah want the awareness of Farzan, do not say the promise back, I do not want, just because of that promise kak Farzan must bear the sin.”

     I don't know, it felt suddenly mute, I could only calm down while hugging her, feeling how precious the moment with her was.

    “But, “ said. Then Adibah let go of his embrace from me, but I was hoping to linger in that position. “Kak Farzan never promised about ... Hpm ... Our wedding reception.” Ma shaa Allah, she looks very beautiful with blushing cheeks.

     I approached Adibah's head then kissed her forehead. “Meet her recover quickly, so we can celebrate our wedding reception.”

    “Marriage certificate? Kak Farzan had promised that he would do a wedding reception and also an agreement, said Farzan this time based on love. Farzan said that, right? “ he said which ended with his habit, holding his lips, a habit he often did.

     “You love me? “

     “That's brother Farzan! I wouldn't have asked to remarry Farzan if I didn't love Farzan. “

     “Alhamdulillah then. “

     “So Farzan also love my brother? “

     I frowned at me. “Maybe. “

     Adibah bit her lower lip and then shifted her gaze.  Is he angry? “Bad Farzan's brother is evil! “ Right, he's angry, but his anger is not like other people, I like him like this.

     I swore I couldn't hold my laughter. “I love you.”

     “Seriously? “ ask with enthusiasm. “Dibah already sure that kak Farzan certainly love smaa Dibah. “ Adibah laughed with a hand that had already pulled my cheek.

     True salute with him, when he easily hides his problems just because he does not want someone to dissolve in his problems, and also does not want to be pityed. But wait, my cheek is very painful because of the act of God, but it doesn't matter anymore the culprit is him, if it's okay every day or every moment.

     I thank God for showing a thousand beautiful stars, with moonlight also helping to give a beautiful impression to this sky. Unlike yesterday, with the reddish clouds of the sky, I thought it was going to rain but I was too sleepy to fall asleep, and the next morning did not feel the rain.

     Together with Adibah in this hospital makes me to re-experience the beauty of the environment that I once very rarely enjoyed.

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"If a woman weeps because she is hurt by a man, then every step of the man is cursed by the angels - Ali ibn Abi Talib"

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