Dear Imamku
The Deepened Taste
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I just found out, the risk of loving and admiring someone is far different from a beautiful hope together.
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"MashaaAllah! " I ran up to Adibah who was sitting staring at the hospital window, as if she could see the beauty of nature there. “Ac there? How are you doing? Try you laying down, I check your condition, “ my command to Adibah. Sounds so enthusiastic.
He shook his head and then turned his head towards where I stood. “Why are you here? “ three words that managed to escape from Adibah's mouth that made me not understand. “You are satisfied to see how I am now? Huh! You satisfied? If only I had never married you, maybe this would never have happened! I will never be blind like this! “ isak Adibah.
Anyone, please help explain, if this is just a dream!
I tried to sigh, while approaching him and then implant Adibah's head in my chest, I know, maybe after realizing, he was shocked to know that he lost his sight, I really understand. When I hugged her, she always tried to push me, but she was still a woman, and there was no way she could escape me.
“Tell me what you want to say, “ my words, accompanied by the sound of Adibah crying. “I will hear all your words, you want to say I'm stupid! I'm not a good husband! Whatever, I don't have a problem. Since I know how you are doing now, I know you are shocked to hear about this.
I promise, once you're healthy we'll have surgery, meaning you'll see again soon,” I said as I dyed her hair briefly. “You will be able to see my dimples back, whenever you want, and I will still obey your every request, what do you want? Stuffed bear? Howmany? A ten? Twenty? Fifty? Hundred?”
“You promise to obey whatever my request is? “ ask, which I replied nod, “What is that? “ ask again make sure.
I nodded back. “Whatever it is. “
“I want us to divorce! I want our relationship to end! I don't want this wedding to happen just out of pity-“
“But I have no pity on you Adibah. This marriage is not based on pity! Why would I fool myself into marrying someone I don't love! Wh-wh-what for? By Allah, I really love you Adibah Sakhila Atmarini.”
“But I never loved you Farzan Rayhaan Shakeil!” like a hard blow touching my body. A sentence that made me no longer able to speak again.
“What did you say Adibah? Re-try your words,” peekakuku. I swear, I'm not sure what I just heard. I wish I had heard wrong.
“Are you deaf? Huh uh? I want this stupid relationship to end! I can't afford to live with people I don't love! I don't take it! I'm tired of pretending that I love you so much, when in fact it's not true. I guess by pretending to love you can make me forget. “ He searched his words. “I guess, I can forget about Fauzi from my life, but it turns out that it is not sustainable at all, I still love Fauzi and not Farzan. “
Deg
Like an arrow piercing through my chest. When he talks like that, it feels like spending everything near me! Destroying everything I saw. How could he talk like that now?
"Why not say it from the beginning? Why don't you go when I'm not around? Why Adibah? Why do you have to say that now? " I held Adibah's shoulders so hard, maybe now she's in pain.
"Because I was only expecting your treasure! " snap Adibah. Then take my hand off his shoulder.
I smiled looking at his face. "I guess, right now, the woman near me is a choice that I never looked up to. Aghhh! " I can no longer continue my words.
As with the husband in general, who will be angry when I hear such words, I am also like that. I pulled the hospital tablecloth so it made the items on the table fall, one of which is some examples of our wedding reception invitation later, I don't think it will happen.
I couldn't control my emotions, I moved away from the room to calm down. If I stay there, I can lose control and do things that can make him hurt, even though I am currently the one who is very hurt with his words. Men never shed their tears to cry, but they often cry in silence, and it hurts a lot.
If I could choose between staying alive or leaving this life, then I would choose to leave this life. I just found out, the risk of loving and admiring someone is far different from a beautiful hope together.
Until I got to a park behind the hospital. My legs felt limp I ruffled my hair in frustration and sat on a dull white chair. For so long I sat with my mind somewhere, afterlife I decided to go.
By God, it hurts so much.
At any time, the first love will never be replaced. Even when Adibah didn't see anything, she still knew how to get in touch with Fauzi, until at any time, I would never be in such a special position. Maybe in the past, my imagination to have Adibah was too high.
I immediately took the car keys and left Adibah. Maybe our marriage will never feel sadinah mawaddah war-rahmah.
Fifteen minutes passed, while driving, my mind was blankly staring at the street in the city of Parepare which was always just like it used to be. I hit the steering wheel, every time I remember the moments that happened.
Now, I don't know what to do, maybe the only one to go to Andi's ustaz house, I haven't been there in a long time. I hope he still remembers me.
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“Remember son, no marriage relationship goes smoothly without a fight. Satan loves a divorce. Try to go back to her, and talk about this, who knows your wife is devastated and your relationship is improving. And again, do not ever say divorce, even if it's just a joke, it will fall divorce law to his wife.
Maybe you don't love your best friend anymore, you know the story of Joseph and Zulaikah? When Zulaikah pursued Joseph's love, God kept Joseph away from him, and when Zulaikah pursued God's love, God approached Joseph for him. The answer here, you are quite special and expect the love of God, maybe you used to love his creation more than the Creator.
Try it, today you learn to reduce your love for your wife not to exceed your love for God, danger then, very excessive.”The smile on Andi's lips expands. “Newly know, if pesantren thugs will become doctors, and worse be victims of love air, to the point of forgetting to look at us here.”
“It's not like that Ustaz, it's just that I've been out of town a lot. Time for my wife is little.”
Ustaz pummeled my shoulders. “Try, your time is increased for your wife, if you can his duty does not need to be outside the city pity him,” Saran ustaz Andi with his trademark smile.
“I will try Ustaz, hopefully he will love me. “
Ustaz Andi smiled again. “What did you start marrying her? “
I tried to keep quiet, to remember the events of that time, until all my memories were gathered. “In the beginning of meeting me with him, when one question, want to go to his school in Man 1. At that time I and some nurses socialized at school, but we did not know each other at that time, even I did not know him, he said, I just saw him sleeping in the corner because of the soy sauce.Until the end of the event was finished, all the students came out, I was busy chatting with the headmaster until he reached the fence, accidentally the girl, he said,
Coming with a cry, he said his father's condition deteriorated he wanted to go to the hospital by chance the hospital his father occupied the same I finally offered to come with me, he said, while in the car he cried, he said his father's condition deteriorated, he did not want to lose people in his life again, because his father was the only one in his family, not long ago ... And somehow I decided to propose to him, rather than adultery mind it would be better if I proposed to him, “ I explained. When I remembered that, it felt so strange, how could I just get to know him and immediately want to propose to him.
And again, Ustaz Andi again smiled, from the first he was a cheap smile even once very many women who liked him, and now only Fatimah managed to get him. “This name avoids the sin of adultery or does it like? “
I laughed at Andi's words. “Maybe both ustaz, but Adibah doesn't believe that I love her, she just thinks that if I marry her it's just out of pity. “
“Wahh, why is that? He should be happy when there is sad news he also gets the news like. But maybe good, you explain well what you really feel, tell her that you love her so much, tell her how many things you did just to have her, if only you did not love him, maybe you would not be too dizzy about this problem,” peeka ustaz Andi. He was the teacher who understood my life the most. "And do not forget the prayer of the Sunnah, whoever hates my sunnah, then he is not of my class." HR. Bukhori (5063) and Muslim (1401)
That afternoon I spent until the afternoon at Andi's ustaz house, just wanting to reminisce with her. I was twelve years old with him but his age was as empty as mine, he was too durable easy, only, there were some hair that started to turn white.
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Whoever hates my Sunnah is not of me. HR. Bukhori (5063) and Muslim (1401)
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